How do I talk about my needs?

How do I talk about my needs? Reader Question

I have recently started thinking about the Dom/sub lifestyle. I’ve always liked stuff like that but thought it was wrong or not something I should get aroused or excited about, so I ignored that side of me. Recently my husband showed me his Dom side but I’m sure he thinks […]

Continue reading
intent and impact

Intent and impact

Intent and impact, and the relationship between them, is something I have been thinking about a bit recently. There has also been some discussion in other forums around it and so I want to state my intent in writing this piece really clearly. This is about me and my response. […]

Continue reading
At of listening

The Art of Listening

A really important part of a successful relationship is effective communication. Although we begin learning how to communicate with those who are around about us and will support us and meet our needs from a very young age, many of us are not truly effective at communication. Communication is a […]

Continue reading
christmas is coming - surviving the holidays

Christmas is coming – Surviving the holidays

Surviving the Christmas holidays, in a submissive mindset, is tough. We were writing a post about it for The SafeworD/s Club which was meant to focus on top tips. And I realised that despite knowing the theory, see previous post with top tips, we are not always so good at […]

Continue reading
being vocal

Being Vocal

I struggle with being vocal during sex and play. It is not something that I have ever done and therefore it feels uncomfortable I suppose. I know that part of what makes things work well is to communicate your thoughts and feelings and I have no trouble with that in […]

Continue reading
communicating with your Dominant

Tell me

During our chat the other night, one of the Doms asked if any of the subs found it hard to tell their Dominant how they were really feeling. I think that this got a few of us thinking as Sweetgirl posted last week on the same topic. At the time most of […]

Continue reading
quite times - two tea cups talking

Quiet times

I have been quiet here lately. I guess there are a variety of reason for that. Not only do I seem to be still busy at work but also at home, as is the impact of a new puppy on family life. It is more the ideas though – they […]

Continue reading

Control, Communication and Consent

A to Z Challenge – C It seems that C is a huge letter for me and I have loads to say on the topics I have chosen. Control plays such a large part in a Dominant submissive relationship and it is also a big deal for me as a […]

Continue reading
Maintaining my mindset

Maintaining my Mindset

I am having some trouble maintaining my mindset at the moment. This does happen sometimes, usually when the stuff of life has de-railed us somewhat from the goal of our happily ever after. Some of these things are surmountable and other things seem to be less so. This has been […]

Continue reading

Spotlight on Communication

I mentioned in School’s Out for the Summer that Saturday mornings are one of the scheduled times that HisLordship and I devote to honest, open discussion.  It occurred to me then that I had never really written anything about how we build this sort of communication in to our dynamic.  It is so […]

Continue reading

Training the mind and the body

My head tends to be a busy place to be. This is normal for me and I have come to accept it, but it is not always conducive to being a good submissive. The Dominance helps of course and it is one of the big attractions for me. Especially in […]

Continue reading

Wednesday Canesday

When HisLordship first introduced regular caning on a Wednesday, I’ll admit that I wondered why.  I am not sure why I had this reaction as I like it when he canes me but I think that I worried it might feel different if it was a regular scheduled thing and […]

Continue reading
Submissive Questions - the cognitive triangle

Submissive Questions

Why do I ask myself submissive questions?All behaviour is communication whether it is based on something that you say or something that you do. So the way you behave will say something to those around about you about what you are thinking and what you are feeling. Your behaviour will […]

Continue reading

Back on Track

I think we are back on track. We have had a bit of a bumpy ride the last while and things have not been as consistent as usual. This has been tricky as it is harder for us both to keep our mindsets in these circumstances. Nothing has been wrong […]

Continue reading


….we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two. All relationships have bumps and ups and downs. Sometimes outside factors can become too great and they start to challenge […]

Continue reading
reality of fantasy

The Reality of my Fantasy 

The reality of my fantasy is hard to explain. HisLordship commented in his recent post that behind my “‘come fuck me eyes’ lurks a mind probably full of dreams, like clouds of purple and red smoke whirling around forming new erotic shapes.” This reminded me of the poem pictured here which […]

Continue reading