the no so secret submissive

The not so secret submissive

I often look at people who are completely open about leading a D/s dynamic and wish I could be more like that. I believe so strongly in what we are doing and in the fact that it is the right thing for us. I know that it wouldn’t suit everyone […]

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communicating with your Dominant

Tell me

During our chat the other night, one of the Doms asked if any of the subs found it hard to tell their Dominant how they were really feeling. I think that this got a few of us thinking as Sweetgirl posted last week on the same topic. At the time most of […]

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realstic - fantasy ideal couple

Wishful Thinking

When you compare yourself against an unrealistic ideal it leads to unrealistic expectations and ones which you will likely never meet. There is a simple reason for this: they are not actually realistic. Through my blog and through chatting at The SWC I talk to a number of new submissives. […]

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New Traditions

Traditions are something that have been quite significant for us as a couple. I guess that some would say that the things that we do sexually are far from traditional, but the dynamic where I am submissive to HL and he leads and makes the decisions is much more of […]

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love and trust

Love and Trust

To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.     George MacDonald I wrote in Domination, submission and Trust that I believe that trust is vital in any relationship.  It is one of the cornerstones and without it the relationship will soon start to crumble.  In the same way, if […]

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exploring my middle side

The Middle Ground

I have written before about being a middle and that side of me, but my middle side is something that I have not explored as much as I thought I would. There are a couple of reasons for this: feeling overwhelmed by life and circumstances and having to ‘adult’ on […]

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quotation about the senses


Currently there is lots of talk in therapy circles about mindfulness. Mindfulness is the name given to a technique where you focus on the here and now and experience the world, and your thoughts and reactions to it, through your senses. It is something that can be practised and in […]

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tough love - wriggling caterpillar blowing kisses

Tough Love

I have learnt that I need tough love and what that will look like for me. I need a life with very little wriggle room, or else I will wriggle. I have become adept at it over the years. I wriggle in a way which means I am free before […]

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It’s okay to restart and recreate. Don’t spend time beating yourself up over something that went wrong. There’s always another chance. I guess this is where the journey of my recreation starts. With me meeting HisLordship and realising that I had a second chance. It definitely took some restarting, and […]

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My Release

This is my release. You are my release. What we do is my release. You release me from myself, from my head and from the whirl and swirl of rules that I make to tame the uncertainty and confusion of life. I have done it for so long it is […]

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good points

Good Points

The Food For Thought Friday prompt for this week is: Good points, well made…. We seem to take a perverse kind of pleasure about making ourselves feel bad about ourselves. In an attempt to redress the balance, even just a little, this week we are focussing on our good points. […]

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Going Deeper

Going Deeper

There is a difference between being a submissive and being submissive. Being a submissive is something that you are and have agreed to be. Being submissive is something that you do and it affects not only your behaviour but also your thoughts and feelings. This caused some confusion for me […]

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I believe in us in the never-ending flow that grows within and between and around us. I believe in the power in the give and the take in the fact that together we are more than as one. I believe that we fit together. That we were meant to find […]

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The definition of exhibitionism as, extravagant behaviour that is intended to attract attention to oneself, or in terms of psychiatry, a mental condition characterized by the compulsion to display one’s genitals in public, both have negative connotations. In the kink world, where there are negative connotations for just about every act we enjoy, […]

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Dare to Bare

I have a complicated relationship with nudity and it is one which has changed quite a bit over the past while. I have never liked my body but have always been comfortable enough to show parts of it in the right set of circumstances. That would include being topless when […]

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Travels with You

I asked that you travel this journey with me and that was just the beginning. In accepting, you lead me to a better understanding of myself through your patient unravelling of years of the stuff that life had built up, not just for me but for us both. Together we […]

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Sex Ed

She teaches Sex Ed!

This post-Eroticon week has found me wanting to merge the two parts of my life more openly. There is a huge overlap for sure as the real me is there in the background in whatever I do. Despite the overlap, both parts of my life require a different set of […]

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submissive mind

A submissive mind

A submissive mind. Yes please. I would like to order one of these. Recently I have been having  problems quieting my crazy messed up head which is stuffed full of thoughts that seem to go round and round and round. It drives me nuts at times that I can’t switch […]

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Loving a Gentleman

Gentleman: a chivalrous, courteous, or honourable man. Chivalry sounds a bit like one of those antiquated things. The stuff of knights and lords. I know that some will say, very tongue in cheek, that ‘chivalry is not dead’. Well in our house this is true. I see this most in […]

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self-conscious dictionary definition

Being Self-Conscious

So this is sort of a part two to yesterday’s post and came from the discussion with HisLordship following him reading it. He was asking me questions and talking about how the constant discussion and analysis of things at home when I was young had not only led to me […]

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