the comfort zone

Why being comfortable is over-rated

Finding your Comfort Zone We all seek comfort. Why wouldn’t we? Ultimately a place where we feel safe and in control is what we are stacked to aim for. Comfort is a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint so it is natural that as people we […]

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submissive type

What type of submissive am I?

This question is something that seems to cause a lot of deliberation and consideration in D/s circles. I am not sure why. I suppose somewhere there is pressure to be a ‘submissive type’ so that we can see how well we are doing and how well we match up. I […]

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What's in a name

What’s in a name?

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” True but for me, my name has become more than just something to call me. It is tied firmly into my identity, as a blogger and as a submissive. Although I began […]

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pornography

The truth about teaching pornography

Every once in a while I read a post on twitter or WordPress decrying sex education in schools. Usually these posts quote a lack of education around pornography and sexual pleasure as well as consent, inclusion and diversity. I wonder about the authors. I wonder when they were last in […]

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Submissive headspace

What is submissive headspace and how to access it

For me submissive headspace is the place I am in when I am deeply submissive. It goes beyond my submissive mindset because mindset is more of a conscious thing. Submissive headspace differs because it is about thinking and feeling deeply submissive which becomes an automatic response. It is a place […]

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13 things about a D/s relationship

13 Things about a D/s Relationship, and a Bertie

Let’s start with some common misconceptions about a D/s relationship 1. D/s is not abuse And those who take part in it are not always victims of abuse looking for a way to manage it. While public opinion would have you believe that D/s relationships are abusive, this is not […]

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Foreplay - is it a thing?

Foreplay: Is it a thing?

I used to really enjoy foreplay. And other times I used to find it a chore. Now I don’t think we do it which sounds weird, but bare with me. Foreplay is what you do before sex, right? But what we do is play. Yes, often there is penetration but […]

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broken trust

Broken Trust

I have written a lot about trust and the need for trust in a D/s relationship such as the one I have with HL. In order to build this level of trust it is important to be honest and open and this can make us vulnerable. I am generally a […]

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An unrequited love for kink

An Unrequited Love for Kink

Unrequited love is usually concerned with a love which is not reciprocated for whatever reason. It may be that the object of your desire is unaware of your feelings, or indeed unavailable to you. It might happen that your love for them has continued beyond the point where you were […]

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submissive wife

What is a submissive wife

I have thought a lot about what it is to be a submissive wife and I suppose it starts with what submission is or, at least what it means. The meaning of submissive is: Ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive, Assuming this […]

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kink or fetish or D/s

Kink or Fetish or D/s?

I would have said that I was into kink but had no fetishes. Having done some research I am now confused. At times I have even wondered if I am still kinky. It is hard because I move in worlds where what we do seems to be the norm. I […]

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Sex as the sixth sense - picture of the brain

Sex as the Sixth Sense

Back in the 18th century, philosophers debated whether or not sex was a sense. This continued into the Victorian times with good arguments on both sides, but the discourse became sort of settled and the acceptance of only 5 senses was adopted. More recently discussion has started again with proposals […]

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Confidence

Sex, submission and confidence

I have low confidence. That is not to say I am not confident in some things, knowledge about certain topics and stuff, but in myself, not really, no. I have quite low self esteem too. It is a fragile thing and although my life pretty much validates me, it is […]

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labels - love them or hate them

Labels – love them or hate them

The topic for Tell Me About this time is labels. Categorising and labelling in an essential part of our learning and understanding of what is going on around us. It helps us to link things and by understanding similarities and differences within and between these categories, to arrive more quickly […]

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The magic of Dominance and submission

The Magic of Dominance and submission

It’s a kind of magic I don’t use the term magic here to mean wonderful and refer to the fact that I love living a D/s lifestyle – “It’s just magic, honest!” I mean it in terms of the mysterious, mystical nature; the spell that it seems to cast over […]

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feminism and submission

Feminism and submission

I have mixed feelings on the topic of feminism. I believe in equality of opportunity and in a society which is inclusive and non-discriminatory. I realise that our world is far from achieving these goals and am supportive of those who try to effect change in these areas. I grew […]

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