About Me

wearing his collar and cuffs out to dinner

Married submissive: The love, the kink, the connection

About Submissy

Submissy is about me, Dominance and submission, and about my journey as a married submissive.

About missy

I would say that there is nothing very unusual about me. I am a wife, a mother and a teacher, and I live with my husband in a pretty Scottish town. I enjoy reading, travelling and spending time with friends and family. However, in 2012 we began a journey into Dominance and submission and and this changed our lives in a subtle but amazing way.

We have built a lifestyle dynamic which is open, honest and loving and at the same time this has allowed us to explore and experience some of our deep and darkest desires together. The key to things working for us has been communication which has allowed us to truly build the respect and trust we have needed to reach a level of intimacy and intensity that I had only dreamed about before.

Where to go next?

If you would like to know more about how I got here then you might want to start with this post: How I Got Here.  If you are interested in introducing a D/s dynamic into you relationship then you might find the D/s for Married Couples page helpful.

I started blogging because I wanted to share my experiences in the hope that someone else out there might make a connection with what I am writing. Please use the categories at the top of the page to check out some of my posts and let me know what you think by commenting on them. If you like what you read then please let me know by hitting the like button or, preferably, follow me.

Finding Support

HisLordship and I have learnt a lot by talking to others and have also made some great friends. It is for this reason that we decided to create The SafeworD/s Club which is an online community for Dominant and submissive couples.  Please find out more by visiting the site.

The SafeworD/s Club

Other Projects

Tell Me About

If you are looking for more information on Dominance and submission then why not check out Tell Me About which I created as a resource to try to collect together many of the voices writing on different aspects of D/s relationships. The site has grown since opening and is now host to some other kink based writing projects, as well as a photo meme, a podcast and my new monthly sexual health prompt, so hopefully you will find something there for you.

Tell Me About


Blogable is my newest venture and if you are interested in blogging then it is the site for you. A one stop shop of hints, tips and support, it is a community which I co-host with May More and Marie Rebelle. If you would like help to start a blog, or just want to make more of the space that you have, then why not head over to the Blogable Club and check it out.


Thank you for visiting.

(Updated April 2021)


  1. Thank you. I have been waiting for a blog by a real woman. A wife and mother.
    I’m a sub at heart but, having been introduced to this dynamic by my Dom husband, I desperately need guidance.
    Please would you be willing/interested in helping me?

    • Hello prettygirl. I would be happy to try to help you. I can’t hold myself up as any sort of expert as I think that we all just feel our way with this but I would be pleased to listen and to share my own experiences with you. My email address address is submissy@hotmail.com if you would like to get in touch ?

  2. I love reading, and I loved reading your blog. I am a glad follower of yours, now, and I hope I can learn some things by reading about yours.
    I am new to this whole dynamic, in that I am actively choosing to be in a D/s relationship. I am going into it with my eyes open. 🙂
    I am excited about taking such an active role in my own life, after 20 years of sleeping.
    Thanks for allowing me the privilege of learning from you.

    • Thank you so much for your kind comments. I am glad that you are finding my blog helpful. It is a brave thing to change your life after such a long time but I am so pleased that you have found something that feels like a true and proper fit for you. If you ever want to chat things through then please feel free to get in touch ?

  3. My Daddy died. Unexpectedly of a heart attack. He was only 49. He died 8 months ago. What we had goes so far beyond boyfriend/girlfriend. He was my world. He was my everything. Not many knew of our Le Dom/sub relationship, so no one truly gets the depth of my loss. I was totally devoted to him. Mind. Body. Heart. Soul. I can’t seem to find any peace. I have no one to turn to for help. I’m hoping maybe there’s someone out there who has been through this. I need help. If there’s anyone who sees this and has any words to help, I would appreciate it. Thank you. Lisa
    My email is lisah724@gmail.com

    • Hi Lisa. I am so sorry to hear of your loss and I really can’t begin to imagine how devastating and difficult that would be. If you wanted to chat to others about submission or being submissive then you would be welcome at our site – http://www.thesafewordsclub.com. Although I am not aware of anyone in the same situation as yourself you will find other people who are likeminded to talk to. In terms of people seeing your comment and responding, I wondered if you would like me to post it on my blog as that would reach more people than as a comment and there may be someone out there who has had a similar experience? Please let me know if that is something that you think may be helpful. missy

  4. Hi. Feeling shy because I’m brand new to this. The majority of my fantasies since I was young (I’m 46 now) have involved some form of Dom element- tied up, spankings, being told what to do, etc
    Anyway I’m happily married and my husband is pretty excited to share this journey w me. Can u suggest some play ideas to get us started? Sample scenes etc. we’re just not sure where to start – we have discussed limits and such but where do we begin w the actual play? Any help would be appreciated
    He instructed me to perform fellatio in the garage last night kneeling on the cold ground which I really liked- we then experimented w a little spanking which I really really liked. Any help is appreciated

  5. So I wonder if I am weird…my husband bends me over the bed, a chair, his lap, and spanks me with his hand, my hairbrush, hangers, his slipper, his belt. Hard. I come and I love it. What is wrong with me?

    • Thank you so much. That is very kind and I love yours too. I remember when I first started blogging I saw your pictures and wanted to take some myself. It has taken a while to follow your inspiration but I have got there in the end . I really appreciate your nomination ?

  6. Hi,
    I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog, my husband and I have been trying to work this our around the family lifestyle, and you have given us an inside as to how it can work.
    We are in a different relationship, where my husband is in the sub position, like your situation was, my husband has always been a fan of this lifestyle and I am new and learn. I was wondering if you had any pointers particularly in regards to how contacts can work with the family situation.

    • Hi Sharna. I am glad that the blog has been helpful and I am pleased that you are enjoying the lifestyle. Feel free to send me an email if you have questions or come along to chat the the SafeworD/s club if that is easier. ? missy x

  7. Iam new into this world of being a sub. I’ve gotten into a relationship with a dom who has said that he loves the power play between a sub and dom. So my Doms currently trying to fix another sub and just totally leaving me by the wayside for the week. No amount of asking for him to pay attention to me will he actully pay ful attention to me. I’m not even sure what I should do.

  8. Hello,
    I’ve never had any D/s relationships nor experience, but I’ve been drawn to it for a while now and the it’s just getting stronger… I’m in a relationship leading to marriage (been together for almost 6 years now, I’m almost 22, and we’ve only had sex with each other). The part that I struggle with is that he doesn’t particularly have interest in this. Do you have any advice for me?
    Much appreciated

    • Hello Maya.
      It is difficult if he doesn’t have any real interest and it is something that you want. I assume that you have discussed this and explained what it is that draws you to it. Do you know if there are any aspects which appeal to him? It is a difficult thing to explain and I know it was hard initially for my husband to get his head around what I was asking him for.
      I would suggest trying to be submissive around him if that is the way that you feel you want to behave. Perhaps this will mean that he responds naturally by being more Dominant towards you and that could be a starting point. It may be that he is unsure what you are asking him for or how to give you what you want. It helped me to be able to say: when you did X it made my feel really Y etc.
      I am not sure if this is any help at all but I am happy to chat if you find that easier, either at The SWC or via email.
      missy ?

  9. Thank you for your web site. The strangeness that I kept hidden from my earliest childhood memories through until recently in my marriage well its nice to know that while my strangeness is mine there are others with similar kinks. My most difficult kink for me to rationalise is physical pain and being caned. I fantasized about being helpless and tied and being flogged or caned. No safe words. No control over how many. Harder than I could withstand if I were not tied down or could safe word out. Too weird hay. So my husband obliged and tied me down and caned my bottom. From the moment the first stroke hit I was freaking out in agony and soon I was screaming and begging for him to stop but as we had agreed he didn’t. Finally it was over and I was crying and hyperventilating and bruised and bleeding. It took weeks to heal. Now about a year later I am beginning to dream about it again. too weird hey.

    • I don’t think that is weird. Maybe to take it more slowly though? We have never been as far as you describe but would start more slowly so that although he is increasing the strength of the blows, my natural pain response is adjusting to that. Personally I would always recommend a safe word, to protect him as well as you. This is especially true when you are pushing limits like this and even if you know you probably won’t use it, it is there if you do need to. We have found that having yellow just to indicate the need to slow down a bit has worked and has allowed us to take things further as it doesn’t stop everything like our red would. Sometimes you can use the scene to fulfil the fantasy without actually doing the all of the things that are parts of it. Then again some of my fantasies can be extreme and although they turn me on I wouldn’t actually want to do them. That is when we look at what it is which is turning me on about it and try to meet that need. Not sure if any of this helps but I hope it makes sense to you and thank you for commenting ?

    • Hello Goddess Leah, This lowly sub would very much like to talk with you and ask your advice on how i could approach my wife as to my needs to be a loving sub to my mistress. I chat from time to time and would hope to see you sometimes in the chat rooms. please say hello to this unworthy sub as my gratitude would be emense.
      thank you Goddess Leah

  10. Hello!.
    I am completely new to all of this and just have been introduced to it a couple days ago (3/23/2021) which my husband of 12 years has known about it ans learned a little bit ago it when he was 16 or so but the way I have been and my upbringing he kinda just left it alone. I would love to explain more but through email if that is okay?
    I love reading your blogs and others experiences with this and hoping this help my husband and I become even more closer to one another than anything in this world, keep up the good work aka blogs because I love the interests in it and yes not all dom/sub relationships are the same or into the same as others but it sounds fun to play.

    • Hi Karie. It is lovely to hear from you and thanks for your positive comments on my blog. I would be happy to email. My address is on my contact page. How exciting to be introducing something new into your relationship. I look forward to hearing more about you. Missy x

  11. Hello,
    I have emailed you eariler today, I’m not sure if you got it yet.
    Email is
    There’s no stars just don’t want to my full email out.

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