Submissive Self

Break me and make me yours ~ submissive self

How would you describe your submissive self?

I belong to HL and am his in so many ways. I have a commitment to him formally as his wife, and privately as his submissive. I have grown with him in so many ways over the past 10 years that we are now completely entwined, making me his emotionally in that sense too. I cannot imagine myself without him. He is part of me and I am part of him. But even with all of that. Even with the level of closeness and intimacy that has formed between us, I am never his so much as when he breaks me. Then, I am his completely. Entirely.

I have been trying to put into words recently what this means, for me and for my submission. It goes back to my submissive space as I would call it, and I have been thinking about why this feels like the ultimate to me in terms of submission. I am not suggesting, of course, that others should or do feel this way. I am old enough to know that we will all find our submissive self in a variety of ways. Neither am I suggesting that one is more submissive or less submissive than another. How would I know? What I am saying is that for me, this space is a deeper level of submission.

Handing over control

The difference is control and to what extent I have let go of control. Again, there are various ways of doing this. In life and in love, we have control of many different things. I accept at any point that my body is HLs to use as he wishes and I will go with that, sometimes bending my will to his. I have chosen submission and it is a conscious choice to give myself to him when that is what will meet his needs. I have chosen to respect him and defer to him, and whether or not that is easy or what I want to do is neither here nor there. It is what we are, and it is what I am.

So I will give up control of my body and what happens to it. I will give up control of decisions and allow HL to steer me in one direction or another in terms of my time and the things that I do. I will agree to the pushing of my boundaries and let him take me in new directions to try new things. I give up control of the line, in many ways, and allow myself to be moved slowly across it, while he keeps me safe and reassures me. But all of this, while giving up control, is still a choice. I don’t want to say no, but I feel that I could if I chose.

Finding my submissive self

When I enter my submissive space, it no longer feels like there is a choice. Or perhaps, it feels like I have made my choice and this is what happens afterwards. There is no space there for conscious thought. That is something that I have given up. I am highly responsive but my thoughts no longer seem my own. They slow down, they become focussed. They are based on what is happening, what is required of me, what I am meant to do and need to be. There are no questions, no barriers, no choices to be made. I simply am.

But I feel that I am no longer me, or at least the me who takes the front at other times. I am the girl behind that. I am what lies beneath the years of experience and the layers of understanding and protection. I am what is at the heart of me and there is nothing to hold me back. The very skin of me has shed and been peeled away. To break the veneer that encases me, frees me to be the self who sits at the very core of me. And that, I think, is my submissive self.

Pushing past your limits

I have come to understand so much more about myself and why I need the layers of protection to break. They have kept me safe for so long, but they also stop me pushing past myself. It feels dangerous and reckless. It feels that there is a risk that I should protect myself from. This is why there is the need to be broken by someone else. This is not something that I could do alone. There is submission involved in putting myself in this situation in the first place, but the submission that comes once I am there, is something else entirely.

We begin to develop self-awareness around the age of 6 months, but our understanding of ourselves will continue to grow, becoming more sophisticated as we develop cognitively. We learn that we are responsible for ourselves – our behaviour, our actions and our reactions and this helps to form and shape the person we become. I question whether it is really possible to give this up for submission, although some will claim that it is. It is a default to try to check our behaviour to fit in with our own conditioning.

For me, to push past this isn’t something I can do just by wanting to. I can’t just move past my default responses because I have chosen to submit. There has to be more. My desire to submit to HL and be his submissive places me exactly where I need to be. I adopt a submissive mindset through choice, but to let go completely will come after. To be completely submissive to the point where I am not thinking or responding in a way dictated to by my own thoughts and because they have given way to being suggested by him, is where I find my submissive self.

A picture of different parts

I think that really my submission is a picture with different parts. I choose to submit to HL and given a commitment to him to do that. We work at this and weave it into the areas of our lives where we want it to be. I am respectful to him and consider his wishes. I seek his opinion and approval on things as a natural thing to do. I don’t do it because I have to, but because I want to. It matters to me. He matters to me. In the bedroom, I have always submitted control to others, and although that didn’t take me to the places HL takes me, it did mean that we fell naturally into our D and s roles.

Outside of that, I am strong and determined. I am independent and have high standards and expectations of myself. This can pose a challenge to my submission and make it hard to relinquish some of the control that a person holds naturally for themselves. This is why, in some situations, I need Dominance to bring about my submission. When what I am asked to do doesn’t sit right with me, it is hard to overrule what I have learnt will keep me safe and on the right course. It is only through strong Dominance that I can be pushed past this.

All these parts make up the whole this is me, missy. Missy is a submissive. I do not question that, even though it comes as a choice and is something I have asked to do. But experience has shown me that there is something more in my nature. Another side, or another part that lives inside the outer shell. I know myself that the level of submission shown when this other part comes to the fore is far greater and happens without question or conscious thought. Whether more of a slave in nature I am not sure, but there is a submissive self who exists on a deeper level to the one who functions on an every day level.

Posted in Submissive Journal, Submissive Reflection and tagged , , , .

17 Comments

  1. This is a very good post and allows readers a look into some very deep aspects of your person and your submission. You talked about being broken by him and how your submiSsion to him is improved
    There is another element that occurred to me as I read this. That is trust. Without it submission would have a.harder if not impossible time in deepening. He breaks you and I realized HL’s ability to build upon your trust in him is remarkable in itself. You two are an awesome couple or maybe I should say unit instead

    • Hi Paddlefan. Thank you so much. Trust is indeed key to the whole thing and I should probably have made that point. My trust in him has grown over time and in order to allow him to break me I have to first of all believe that I am safe with him. Thank you xx

  2. Beautiful post missy, as paddlefan says, really goes deep into who you are in your submission. I think where you mention giving up who we have grown to become for submission, it is not a choice but rather part of who we grew to become, just a part the was hidden until found by the submission of D/s.

    • Thanks CSP. I move between seeing myself as lots of parts and as one whole but you are right that the desire for submission is always a part of that. I do see it as a choice though and a conscious one a lot of the time x

  3. Thank you for this post, Missy. I have read it twice now and I still wonder what you mean by “being broken.” Perhaps I am projecting here, but I wonder if it’s not more a matter of your protective barriers being broken, rather than you being broken. Does not HL’s dominance allow your true self to come together? This would be the reverse of being broken, wouldn’t it?
    But maybe I am just attaching too many negative connotations to the work “break.”
    I have lately come to think of D/s as a way of claiming or reclaiming who I am, instead of continuing to adopt the persona that I needed at a now long ago point to protect myself.
    I wonder if we think along similar lines and just using different terminologies (break versus reclaim) or if we are thinking along very different lines and I am just too full of my own thoughts right now to fully grasp your perspective.
    Either way, thank you for giving me a lot to think about. More importantly, I am happy you and HL have found each other.

    • Hi Elle. Yes I think we may be coming at the same thing from a different perspective. I think that I partly view it as I do as humiliation is one of the key buttons to get me to that space. It involves emotionally masochism which probably makes me view it in a different way as it is like my defenses are peeled away by the discomfort. It is about confronting who I really am and what I am really like but it doesn’t fit with the persona I have the rest of the time or my view of myself. I am a good girl you see! 😊 missy x

  4. Missy your ability to put into words things I have rolling through my mind is truly a gift. One part that spoke to me and brought tears to my eyes

    * I am independent and have high standards and expectations of myself. This can pose a challenge to my submission and make it hard to relinquish some of the control that a person holds naturally for themselves.
    This is why, in some situations, I need Dominance to bring about my submission. When what I am asked to do doesn’t sit right with me, it is hard to overrule what I have learnt will keep me safe and on the right course. It is only through strong Dominance that I can be pushed past this.*

    I thought yes and my trust would need to be intact, not played with. This is important for submissives that are highly independent.

    I get so weary of hearing and reading Doms and subs who dismiss submissives who are different. Brat, alpha, difficult are all words I have heard used to describe me.

    I’m done with that BS.

    Thank you Missy……💜❤️

    • I love your straight taking. It takes all types and Dominance would be no challenge if we all rolled over and acquiesced straight away. I think some Doms like the chase as much as we like to be caught and won. Missy x

  5. Missy,
    Thanks for sharing your most recent submissive reflections. I have only done 1 so far, but I plan to get to them all.
    I just don’t want to rush it because there is a lot going on in terms of new people and new information and how I might fit into all that and where and how Storm and I fit, etc.

    I can relate to this from your post: “This is why, in some situations, I need Dominance to bring about my submission.”

    Submissives, whatever category of practice we fall into, sometimes receive the labels of “timid”, “incapable of thinking on her own,”, “weak-willed,” etc. But, despite the fact that Storm and I are at least in part practicing DD, I am not a timid or incapable submissive woman.(Not saying other dd wives are either, just that we all sometimes get those negative things thrown onto us.) I’m also educated and had a career and could return to it should I decide to. I don’t need Storm to direct me and tell me how to live my life. (Nor does he want to). I am very strong-willed, a leader in areas where I need to/want to/required by me because of life itself, and In fact, I am extremely hard on myself so much that I often get in my own way and become a barrier to my own submission….. Like you need your HL, I need Storm’s dominance to bring about my submission, too. He’s working on it….. I am trying to let him.

    You’ve given us lots to think about! Thanks for sharing. Hugs, Windy

    • Hi Windy. Apologies as I thought I had replied to you before but I see now it has disappeared into the ether!

      I can relate to what you are saying here about your submission and definitely the fact that you can get in the way of yourself. I am glad that you are going to try some of the prompts and look forward to reading. I think that submission is a journey, and reflection is a huge part of that, so I have done them without a ‘closing date’ so that people can return to the prompt and update their posts by adding to what is there. Missy x

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.