There is magic in words. Well at least there is for me. Words have power and D/s is all about the power exchange. When you are submissive, feeling the power someone has over you is key, and all of this can happen with words. A good Dominant dialogue will really aid this and allow you to be pulled into their web. You become what they want you to be, what they need to be, their words wrapping like sweet caramel around you. The sticky sweetness feels both good and bad, and leaves you craving more.
There is a lot of focus in D/s around the toys you use and the play you do, but I would argue that your speech is a much greater tool than any wand or clamp or flogger. I am sure that for some who are more physically stacked those things do add a layer of excitement, but generally speaking, the brain is the biggest sex organ there is. Without your brain being in gear, you are unlikely to shift from the starting line, and the whisper of words can be food for your brain like none other.
So what are the secrets to a Dominant dialogue?
Commands are what we all think Dominance and submission is about.
- Come for me
- Keep your eyes closed and don’t move
As submissives we love to be given direction and instruction. When you submit control it is important that someone is there to keep you safe and take care of you, so being able to follow instructions and direction helps to keep the power exchange going. There is no doubt that the Dom is in control of what happens. They tell you to do something and you do that. Simple. But while there is beauty in this simplicity, it can also be limiting if it is the only way.
Commands are part of overt Dominance really and it likely forms part of every D/s arrangement. But there are lots of other, subtle ways and not so subtle ways, that a Dominant will use dialogue to show they are in charge.
Statements of Intent
One of the most powerful Dominant tools lies in statements of intent. These show confidence and provide a sense of the Dom being in control.
- I am going to make you come now.
- That large plug will be filling you up by the end of the evening.
- I am going to push you harder than I ever have before.
The statements, and it doesn’t much matter what they are because that will be relevant to your play, need to be delivered with an air of confidence. As a sub on the receiving end, there is a clear marker as to who is in charge. You have just been told what will happen and or how you will think, behave or feel and there is no clearer mark to submission of power than this. For the Dom, they will choose things they know will likely happen anyway but the magic of Dominance and submission means that, once uttered, they are on the cards.
Another tool that a good Dom will have at their disposal is the power to mind read. No seriously – all the Doms in the fiction books do it. It catches the sub off guard, it makes them feel seen and known so it creates intimacy as well as building trust. So how does the Dom do this? By watching and listening and working out patterns. They see and hear everything and then use it at the right time to take the wind out of your sails. It can appear from the outside that there is magic afoot, but really it is all based on their careful observations.
- I know that you don’t want to do it, but that is why it is important to me.
- You want me to keep going, don’t you, but you know that I can’t.
- I bet you are wet already just at the thought of what I am going to do.
This sort of Dominant dialogue screams I have seen and heard you and I know what you want …….but……. I am not going to give you that yet. This is on my terms and my terms only. Mind reading ticks all of the boxes really. The Dom takes control and at the same time draws the sub to their own way of thinking. Game, set and match!
Another way that a DomInant can show their control through dialogue is by predicting what will happen. This is really effective, especially when it plays upon the sub’s own view of themselves.
- I give you three minutes and you will be begging for more.
- By the time I am finished with you, you will be a sticky mess.
- Soon you will gladly take this for me.
Predicting gives the impression that the Dom knows everything. That they are some sort of omniscient being who is in control of even the future. There is something outer worldly about it. This technique works similarly to mind reading. Where mind reading gives the sub the impression that the Dom is inside their head, predicting creates the impression that they are in control of everything outside of, and including, their submissive.
Dirty Talk and Possession
We all feel differently about dirty talk – for some it ticks the boxes and for others, not so much. But probably, for all of us, there are words that turn us on. While some love certain words, others will hate them, so it is worth taking time to find out what works and what doesn’t. Using these in play can have such a powerful effect, and while it remains specific to that person, there are probably common themes. One area of commonality lies in possession.
- You’re mine.
- My dirty girl/boy.
- Who do you belong to?
These sort of questions and statements put the submissive firmly where they want to be – owned by the Dominant, even if this is just for the duration of the scene.
And then there are the check in questions which should be open if you are actually looking for feedback. And many are. All Doms are Dominant, but not all Doms actually feel like that all the time. Sometimes it is an act: smoke and mirrors. In these times, the Dom might actually benefit from feedback to encourage or reassure them. While they appear the all knowing, all confident Dom about town, underneath they are only human. So open questions will allow them to get the feedback they need while you both remain in the right headspace.
- Tell me how this is making you feel.
- Why do you like me doing this to you?
- How does it make you feel that you have me this aroused already?
Open questions will work much better than closed if you are looking for more than a one word answer, while questions like the ones below will allow you to establish what is happening.
- Does that feel nice?
- Do you want me to keep going?
- Can you take more for me?
Using both open and closed questions together will be a more useful mix when you are directing play. It also allows the sub to share their own needs whilst remaining submissive and not feeling like they are topping from the bottom.
So there we have it. A quick guide to using a Dominant dialogue and how you can use words to reduce your submissive to a gooey mess. There are lots of motivations for wanting to submit and we are all very different but the chances are that all subs respond to Dominance. Dominant dialogue is key because it is something that you can do pretty easily to create a sense of authority and control. The power of speech should never be underestimated and the role it plays in Dominance and submission can be key.