If I had to choose between a song or a dance, I would choose to dance everything time. For one, I do not have a great singing voice. Not that this feels fair. I am musical, play several instruments, have a good sense of rhythm and can hold a tune. But my voice isn’t high enough, or doesn’t have a good enough range, to be able to sing well. I also lack the power and quality to my singing voice, so this has put me off sharing it too frequently.
If I am in the car alone with he music up loud, I will sing along. And if I am in other situations where I can join in without actually being heard, I will do the same. But generally I refrain from letting go and letting it out. If I am listening to music via headphones, I will be especially careful not to break out into song. I think this is learnt behaviour, and I have spoken before about how my upbringing led to very tight self control over things like this. I curbed the expressing of certain things as a means of protection from ridicule.
Basically this habit didn’t just stick. It welded to my brain, altering both my conscious and unconscious responses to the point that I was extremely well self-regulated. Probably, under the influence of alcohol, this defensive protection would fall away. And I later discovered that submission, and the giving up of control it brought in me, did the same. Not that I burst out into song the moment HL agreed to be my Dom of course. It has been far more subtle than that, but the layers I have formed around myself can be broken down, and the person who is underneath
peeks bursts out.
She is more likely to dance than to launch into song. And conversely, dancing is more likely to bring her out. I think because I don’t feel as confident at singing, it tends not to have the same effect. I enjoy the music and can be pulled into it, but something about the movement of my body means that I engage with dancing more fully than with singing. The singing may, of course, follow but sometimes it forms part of the outwardly silent narrative that only takes place in my head. I am like a silent disco!
When I dance, I get lost in the music. The way that my body moves does something to me that encourages me to let go and just embrace the way it makes me feel. I don’t care so much about my usual inhibitions and am free just to feel it and work with it. Dancing is one of the things that can push me into my submissive headspace. I don’t find it easy to do, but when I am pushed, I can actually become quite aroused by the process. I have danced for HL before, and even knowing that he is watching me, will stir something inside me.
Clearly if I am dancing with friends this won’t happen, but I will get high off the feeling and find that I just want to keep going. In a D/s setting, there is the undertone of the sexual charge. Even if it has not been requested or offered as part of play, I will find myself focussing on HL as if he is all that matters. My awareness of those around me diminishes and although I can see them, respond to them, and navigate around them, the heat and drive within me is all about him. He can see it too and he responds in a way that lets me know he has seen me.
I have written a about the sort of dance scene that we might do here. I have also danced specifically for HL while he has watched in a private dance sort of way. He finds this hot and while me singing quietly to myself might seem cute, it won’t get the sort of reaction that a dance or a strip for him would get. At the end of the day, a song is nice but a dance is better.