Time is a funny thing. There never seems to be enough of it, and yet, we make it work for us, fitting in with the ticking and passing of the units it gives us. I sometimes wonder what the world was like before these units of time, and often think they add to the pace and stress of the modern world. I have tried slowing it down by having a focus on the small things, and this has helped. But often, times remains my enemy, and the feeling of it ticking away is often what leads me to stress.
Within D/s play, time seems to stop for me. When I am deep within my submissive headspace, I have always felt that I lose sense of space and time. The only thing that grounds me is HL and his words, actions and instructions. Beyond that I feel free. Free from myself and my own inhibitions and boundaries. Free from the realities of life which pull me and sometimes seem to trap me with their own agenda. And free from the expectations of the world we live in.
Time often seems to preside over life. There is a time for everything and we use it to shape, to structure and to try to understand things which sometimes don’t make sense. We use it as a stick to beat ourselves and an arm to comfort ourselves. We allow it to manage us at the same time as managing ourselves within its frame. We seem to gift ourselves time when we need, it and withdraw it from ourselves at others. It seems a complicated and contradictory relationship.
Submission has taught me patience. It was hard in the beginning to take things slowly, and not rush in the excitement of finally being able to articulate and embrace what I realised I had always wanted, and probably needed. On the other hand, there are times when I allow myself to be distracted from what I want and need, and stop waiting, choosing to get on with other things instead. This leads to a sort of disconnect, and I stop craving what I know will help.
As one year closes and another one opens, it is often time for reflection. I find myself looking at my growth personally, as well as professionally and romantically, and readdressing the balance in terms of priorities and focus. The time we had as empty nesters during autum and early winter allowed us to really focus on ourselves and our dynamic and I am excited that there will be more opportunities to explore that this year. I know what I want my focuses to be ,and feel it is time to embrace those again.
I am not going to turn this into one of those posts with a list of resolutions and targets for the year to come, as I have learnt that often life alters that path. But within the areas of D/s, family, work, health and blogging there are definitely things which I hope to put my time and energy in to. I am sure that time will be as elusive at points this year as it has been the last, but at others, it will work for me and allow me the freedom and escape that I have learnt keeps me going.
So as one year shifts into the next I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who have been with me this past year. For your friendship, your support, and your words of wisdom and encouragement, I raise a glass to you. Wishing you a Happy Hogmanay, and all the best to you and yours in the year to come.