My Love of Autumn
I have always loved autumn. In many senses I love something about each season: the promise of spring, the warmth of summer sun and the coziness of winter. But autumn feels sexy to me. I don’t know if it’s the cooler weather which is borne rather than avoided, or the colours of the leaves turning but it feels sort of magical, as if anything might happen. I live in a part of the world where autumn was always characterised by the colder temperatures and snow in early October was not unusual.
Autumn seemed like a short season which fell quickly upon the return to school, and then dissolved into the bitter cold of winter. As a child, it felt like a new chapter – new shoes and a warm coat. Autumn has long symbolised maturity and growth and as a teen there always seemed to be a leap as we entered a new school year. Socialising was still done outside, away from the eyes of parents, so events like bonfire night were key. The outdoor parties, started in the summer, continued despite the changing climes.
A Time of Opportunity
Living in a rural area, we tended to party in more isolated locations, and events were hosted by those who had access to barns and outdoor spaces where we could be warm and dry without causing any damage to furnishings or fittings. Fuelled by cider or martini and lemonade, we were kept warm by the alcohol content, rather than by being appropriately adorned for the season. The smokey smell of the onset of autumn always takes me back to a time where it felt like there was opportunity in abundance, as people adopted a hedonistic last chance to party sort of approach, before we all huddled down for the long winter nights.
In reality we must have continued to meet each other at various points, but it just didn’t feel so easy. School could be closed for periods due to bad weather and those in the outlying areas would find it hard to get transport to meet up. It was too cold to hang around outside and so things were focussed on much smaller groups of friends who could meet up in each others homes when possible. So there felt like a push for exploration during autumn which then sort of hibernated until we all came back out in force in the spring, looking for new experiences again.
I enjoyed these times. I got my first ‘real boyfriend’ on bonfire night in 1984. I had kissed and been kissed  (and a bit more for the purposes of research) before then, but not by anyone I was really interested in. This boy was cool. He was older than me and he had his own style. A lot of the girls fancied him and so I knew I wasn’t the only one in the offing. We had got together at a party a week previously and I was not the only one ‘kissed’ that night. In fact, I was told that someone had done a lot more with him!
However, he found me at the bonfire and, after chatting, asked if he could walk me home. We took the long way back, through the park and the paddock and not really in the direction that either of us lived. We chatted and he took my hand. I was frozen and the snow started to fall heavily as we walked. I could smell the bonfire and the frost on my cheeks made them burn from the cold. I sort of ached for him inside and it felt really weird. The butterflies from the excitement seemed to be translated into something sexual that I had not felt with an actual boy before.
An Awakening of Desire
My experimentation had been more rational than emotional before this and although I had masturbated, so understood the physical responses, I had not really felt such desire for someone. Excitement or thrill perhaps, but not real desire. I wanted him and I wanted him to touch me. I burned for it. As it happened, he did touch me, and he asked me to be his girlfriend too. Back at home later that night, I sat beside the log fire, thawing out as I waited to tell my mum that I had a boyfriend.
It seemed like a significant moment, a turning point perhaps, and the hope and excitement of the way I felt has always made Autumn feel sexy for me since. It was a season I have always loved and I still do. The countryside is stunning in Autumn. Nature grabs my senses and seems to tease them with opportunities for love, and promises of things to come. There feels like time to get cosy and ready for winter but it seems to me like a season for play. Autumn is the sexy season.
 kissed and been kissed
By this time I had developed a rating scale to communicate with friends what we had done sexually.
Stage 1. Kissing
Stage 2. Touching under the clothes.
Stage 3. A poke and/or a wank.
Stage 4. Oral sex
Stage 5. All the way (which only included penetration as I had not yet discovered everything else.
By kissed and been kissed is a euphemism for activities up to and including stage 3.