For fear of enraging the D/s purists who scream “topping from the bottom” when I explain what I did the other night, I am going to tell you about a little bit of Dom worship that took place. I have thoughts on the whole topping from the bottom thing of course and another post is in the pipeline about exactly that but until then, I defend my line of active submission and hold fast in my belief that it needs to be part of most healthy D/s lifestyle relationships. I say most as I am told that some dynamics have no space or need for it, but in my experience, D/s couples like us, do.
One issue I have always had with the idea of worship is that when you are instructed to do it, it doesn’t feel the same. This may be my independent, I-want-to-be-made-to-submit type brain thinking, but worship is something that comes from within. It is the feeling or expression of reverence and adoration for a deity. And in this case the deity is the Dom. Being told to feel reverence and adoration isn’t the same for me as genuinely feeling it from within. There is something more about it for me when it occurs naturally – like a higher power or something otherworldly I guess.
Anyway, it causes me to lose myself as I do at other times. It causes a deep unthinking submission which contrasts to the sort of submission that comes from responding to instructions and commands. It feels as if it is on a different level and it is very hard to explain. I think it must be something to do with the type of submissive I am and that is something that I have not yet completely worked out. I know that others don’t experience things in the same ways and that it works differently for all of us. I am still trying to rationalise and put into words how it works for me.
I assume that this will come at some point in an Ah-ha moment in the same way I have made other discoveries on these pages. Until then, Dom worship, genuine completely absorbing lost in reverence and adoration Dom worship, is something that comes from within. It is part of my active submission and therefore it is something that I ask to do. At times HL will ask me for it too and while that is enjoyable as I love to please him and make him feel special, it doesn’t come with the same sense of abandon and loss of self. It feels more considered, more thought out and more controlled. I have tried to explain the difference in this post about cock worship.
Anyway, I wanted to do something for HL for a couple of different reasons. Things have been really busy here with family coming to stay so there has been non-stop planning, preparation and delivery. Our attention has been on meeting the needs of others and it has been difficult to find the time, space or energy to connect. HL has also been completing a large DIY project which has challenged him mentally and physically. He has said for a while that he doesn’t feel sexy so that was also part of what I wanted to do – I wanted to help him to connect with that part of himself that he brings about for me when we play.
I guess I wanted him to let go too. To feel lost to the feelings and sensations that deep pleasure brings. I often feel bad that he spends so much time on me and although I know he enjoys it, the part where he focusses on himself seems so short in comparison and so I wanted to create a situation where he could go past that. Where I could drag it out so slowly that it was like fingernails on a blackboard. He always has enough in the end of course and takes charge. We tend not to pursue his pleasure to the point where he totally lets go as it isn’t something that works for him, so Dom worship works where switching roles probably wouldn’t.
For me, mentally, being the vehicle for his pleasure is a turn on and him using me for this works well. But again, there is something more about seducing his pleasure from him. I was listening to my music on shuffle while walking the dog when Enigma’s ‘Lost Ten’ came on. Something in the track seemed to express what I wanted to create and so I set about making up a playlist for my Dom worship idea. Later on, I asked HL if I could give him a sexy massage when we went up to bed. I don’t know really what he expected but he seemed surprised when he found me in nothing but a sheer shirt.
I explained that I wanted him to feel sexy, to feel special and just to relax into what was happening. I said that I wanted him to let me keep going for as long as he could and that I expected it to be a while. I asked him to use ear buds to listen to the playlist I had made up and to close his eyes as it was easier to go with the sensations. He agreed to this and I checked that the volume was set loud enough for him not to hear anything else, but not so loud that he had to stop me to turn it down when the track changed.
I wanted to touch every part of his body during the massage so I started with his feet. It felt good to take such time over him and I very slowly worked my way up his body. He was on his front to start with and I know that his back is extremely sensitive so I left that until last. I worked the oil into his body slowly and carefully, enjoying the curves and crevices and the noises he was starting to make. I could feel him letting go of the tension and just going with what was happening. His breathing changed and became heavier but more relaxed.
It wasn’t a proper massage really as I did try to loosen any knots and tension I found and focussed on the muscles has had said were sore from the DIY he had been doing, but I also wanted it to be a sensory experience so I touched and kissed and stroked him too, trailing my finger nails across his skin and pinching and pulling at points. I think being on the receiving end of so much attention as a submissive is good experience really as it makes it easy to imagine what the other person is feeling and the way that time sort of stands still when you focus on the sense of touch.
I knew I wanted to play with him for an hour or two and that meant that I could really take my time and do what felt right and what seemed to get the best response from him. Although I had started with him on his front which allowed me to touch him intimately at points, it was when he rolled over that I was really able to take full advantage. Again I worked my way up his body, massaging and teasing out any areas of stress. He was getting hard by this point and the gentle sweeping touches over his cock and brushes on his balls were getting a reaction.
Once I had finished massaging the front of his body, I moved to cock worship. I kissed him slowly to begin with, holding his cock so it was next to my tongue and allowing him to find me. I am never really sure what I do during cock worship as I don’t think or plan it out. They aren’t really conscious choices to suck or lick or tease or kiss but more a feeling of what comes naturally in response to him. I can feel the way that his energy builds and it is like we become one where I am aware of what he is feeling and what he needs next.
Although he tries hard just to go with the feelings I create, I not only hear the change in the noises he makes, but I see the fight he has to keep himself from flipping me off and over onto my knees so that he can fuck me. It comes in the end but before that, his arms and legs start to twitch. He can’t stay still and his head moves from side to side as his hands clutch the sheets of the bed and his gasps become more noticeable and more urgent. He fights to keep the feelings down because he is enjoying the attention but he becomes desperate for release so my timing is crucial.
At the point where I thought he was going to take over, I moved to sit on top of him, taking him inside me, and kissed him. His kisses were desperate too and although the Dominant role isn’t one that really does it for me, as you can see Dom worship is more my thing, I can understand the high that can come from creating this sort of response. He opened his eyes then and I moved one of the buds from his ear so that I could whisper that it was over to him. The ending was predictable and as expected, I was soon on my hands and knees, which after all, is where I love to be!
Featured Image by James Chan from Pixabay