Not tonight dear, I've got a headache

Not tonight dear, I’ve got a headache

I know that the “Not tonight dear, I’ve got a headache,” thing is just a joke really and certainly for me, saying no to HL isn’t part of our deal. That said, my headaches do get in the way quite a bit. I have written before about my hormonal migraines and these seem to have increased since approaching the menopause. I don’t think that they are all down to hormones but some definitely are, and at the moment, when my hormones are gearing up for a change, they are coming thick and fast. It was the same during pregnancy.

Migraines and headaches and hormones

I used to differentiate between migraines and tension headaches as one was prefaced by some visual disturbance – classic migraine. But the Doctor told me that actually the other headaches were migraines too even though they didn’t start the same way. These are common migraines and I probably get more of those. The hormonal ones are often this type. Usually they will last 3-5 days and I wonder if they are actually cluster headaches, but it matters little what they are actually called as I seem to be stuck with them so just need to deal with it.

I have tablets now that I can take which work to hide the migraine enough for me to function. This is good because at the moment I would be pretty much off work each time I had one otherwise. I can’t drive with the medication but I can walk to work so although am definitely below par, I can manage to be there and do what I need to do. I have tried to change things in order to lessen the attacks: I eat mostly plant based, I rarely drink alcohol and I have pretty much eliminated sugar and caffeine. I don’t sleep that well but I do try and I also try to drink water and keep hydrated.

What about the sex?

So enough about lifestyle, what about the sex? We have actually tried to use play to help with the pain in my head, so using it as an excuse is not one that HL will take much notice of. I have to say that at times being so relaxed has eased it a bit, but at others it has made it difficult to relax enough to let go. Even if there is a temporary reprieve due to the pleasant distraction that play brings, the headache tends to swoop back in with a vengeance, the minute we have stopped. So it does play a part in spoiling things for us.

HL has built things like bedtimes and drinking water into my rules in an effort to limit the headaches, but really it doesn’t seem to make a huge difference. He cuts me some slack and although I would never say no to play, if I have a headache he can always tell so will usually change his plans. I actually don’t think that my migraines are the biggest barrier: the other symptoms of peri-menopause have had an impact on the way I feel about myself and my body and I simply don’t feel as sexy as I did.

I just don’t feel sexy

I have written before about how D/s has made me sexy and then more recently about the things I plan to do to re-engage with myself and try to change my behaviours to accommodate the hormonal changes that are blocking things a bit, but sadly we don’t seem able to shake the slightly lackadaisical approach we are both taking to it. COVID hasn’t helped of course and the lack of privacy has definitely taken its toll, but I think for me on a personal level, the way I feel about myself is a large part of the issue.

When one is the motivation for the other it usually works and you fire things back up, but when you both are at a bit of a loss, it is too easy just to plod along. I know that I need to change things and the past year at work has taken so much of my time and energy I haven’t prioritised my own needs. I have a period of holiday at the moment though and so finding time to step up my exercise and do things that boost my energy will probably help a lot. On the horizon are changes that will allow us more privacy so let’s hope that I am back feeling sexy once again.


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17 Comments

  1. I had migraines from my early 30’s until my mid 50’s. I think mine were caused by air pressure changes and fluorescent lights. I didn’t know of any other males at work who had them. I sure hope yours pass quickly. Have you tried acupuncture, it definitely helped me..

    • Thank you. I haven’t tried acupuncture for them but that might be worth a go. I appreciate it. Missy x

  2. Just started Ajovy shots for mine. When I got to 21/30 days a month on preventative meds and had exhausted every other option, my doctor said it was time.

    • I am interested to hear how that goes. I think I end up giving in and just going with it rather than keep going back to try something new. Fingers crossed the shots work for you. Missy x

  3. I was very curious to know if sex play helped relax you enough to alleviate the migraine…thank you for sharing about that. My best friend suffers terrible migraines, which began a few years ago…and she’s noticed that if she can get away from florescent lights that really helps her. It sounds like you are working with your doctor but I just wanted to put that out there. Sending hugs… the migraines really sound terrible <3

    • I haven’t thought about fluorescent lights actually. There are lots at work and I don’t have natural light in my office to I will pay attention to that. Not that I think they would change them lol. Thanks Nora x

      • One of the clinics I was working at (a behavioral health clinic, not a medical clinic) actually did make the change. They didn’t get rid of the fluorescent lights, but they allowed everyone to bring in lamps…and then no longer used the fluorescents. It was so nice. There are a lot of people negatively impacted by fluorescent lighting.

  4. Sounds like some real barriers for you, but I’m sure that with both of you understanding the situation and with a bit more time you’ll get back to where you need to be.

  5. I have always wondered whether my headaches, which also tend to last 3-5 days, might be migraines but I think they are more tension or indeed cluster headaches. I just know that in menopause they got a lot worse than they ever were before, not only in intensity, but that I do have headaches more than before.
    Still, I never use the excuse ‘I have a headache’ 😉
    ~ Marie xox

    • Lol. That sort of excuse doesn’t wash for us. I think yours sound like migraines too but as with anything the name doesn’t really matter. It is how it feels and what you do about it which is important. Missy x

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