There was a comment on my post, Play with me and play with you, which about play, scenes and training. Submitted To You said, ‘I read about “play” and “scenes” but nobody says what they are or gives any details. I don’t have a clue what they entail but from what I’ve read, I think I want to know. Could you enlighten me please?’ Of course, I thought, searching my blog for the post I had written. What I actually discovered was that she was right and I don’t have anything explaining what play and scenes are. I know that I have written about it in one of the forums as The SWC, but it seems, not on my blog. So promising a longer post, I left her a brief reply, vowing to write an actual post about it.
I began this post and even made several starts, but somehow it just never got to press. When I saw the prompt for Wicked Wednesday this week was to use a comment on a blog post as a starter for another post, it reminded me. And so here I am, a shocking time later, finally putting my thoughts to print! I have to say that these definitions are about how things work for us. We are in a lifestyle dynamic which means that our D/s is woven through more aspects than just the sexual power exchange, so what is written here is about how play, scenes and training would sit within that.
Play, scenes and training are terms which are used within a Dominant and submissive relationship and they refer to the various ways that you employ a power exchange in a physical or sexual sense. If you are in a lifestyle dynamic then training could be interpreted more loosely and would likely include non physical-sexual forms of training too.
What is play?
Basically for us ‘play’ describes the times that we use the power exchange as part of our sexual interaction with each other. We would talk about ‘playing’ or ‘playing with you’ etc. We would incorporate many types of D/s play into this such as wax play, sensation play, impact play etc so there is usually a large element of kink as well as the power exchange. Although we might be playing with impact, we would tend to focus on just one or two things and would usually play for up to about an hour. This would be different to other times when we might have ‘vanilla sex’ where there would be sex with no real power exchange or kink, although in reality there is often a ‘twist’.
I suppose you could describe our play as the foreplay part. While most of our play is sexually charged, penetrative sex does not need to be the outcome, and although invariably it is, it tends to come after a long period of playing with each other. This will involve touch and the awakening of the senses but will also have a vocal element which is designed to engage the brain. More and more I have found it is the control of my mind that is key and that is why we have explored erotic humiliation and often add an element of this into our play.
What is a scene?
Our ‘scenes’ would also involve power exchange and kink, but they would tend to be longer and incorporate more than one type of play, or more than one thing within it. So during an impact scene there might be hand spanking, the paddle, the crop and then the cane. Often a scene would climax with sex but not always. Our scenes tend to have a theme to them and they will be planned with a build up and proper after care whereas play might be more ad-hoc.
Usually a scene will involve much more planning and preparation for HL. He will get out the toys he is going to use and often sets me tasks to get me in the mindset. The scene itself will have a beginning, a middle and an end and so there is a period of warm up as well as a cool down or some aftercare following it. While both scenes and play can be intense and involve a lot of emotions, the duration of a scene means that it can really take it out of us both – in a good way of course.
I always feel that play sort of keeps the sexual energy ticking over but a scene can really get things fired up. The sustained intensity leads to a really strong connection between us and that often spills out into to following day or days. Scenes often include more pushing of boundaries and limits too so that would be another reason for the heightened emotions. I suppose it takes usual play and adds to it tenfold and it can feel quite addictive.
What is training?
We have used training less than the other two. For us training would be when we are trying to develop an aspect of our relationship so we will do that thing over and over for a period. Or we would also call it training when we are learning something new, which might take a while or it might just be for a short period. We might train with a new toy to find out how best to use it and know the limits with it, or it might be a behaviour thing where we are trying to make something part of our dynamic, like learning positions etc.
We also use training to go deeper into something, for example with caning where we did it regularly as a focus to see how that would work and where it would lead. During training there would tend to be more factual or analytical communication as I don’t let go in quite the same way. I have posted less about training than play and scenes as the way we do it doesn’t really make for engaging writing. There are bits and pieces laced through my blog posts, rather than entire articles. I have fictionalised a lot of this in April’s Training Journal but must really write some more specific posts about just what we do.
To find more examples of our play, scenes and training please check out the category
Related post: So tell me, what is a scene?