being exposed is my kink

Being Exposed is my Kink

I know I am kinky in vanilla terms but because we have been exploring kink for so long, much of what we do feels normal to me now. I wondered for a while if I was even kinky anymore, whilst at the same time knowing that kinky is something that I have always been whether I was able to truly explore it or not. I tend to talk about sex in kink type circles so it really does create a false impression. If I get into discussion with vanilla friends, for example at work, I am reminded how far off centre my ideas, desires and practices really are.

I have also gone round in circles with kink as I have come to understand what really turns me on. While initially the thrill of being able to explore was a big pull to all variety of things, my realisation that it was being dominated and erotic humiliation that really flicked my switch led me to question the other toys, tools and techniques we employed. It became less about what we did and more about what HL said. It became less about the physical and more about the cerebral. Basically, it is about him taking control of my head, and with that, the rest follows.

Once I had a taste of the effect of letting go, of really giving up control in the ultimate way, it was hard to go back. I suppose once I went deeper and experienced what that did, complete submission, I was addicted. The excitement of the smorgasbord of kink which starting D/s had laid before me in the beginning was ignited again and again through Dominance and humiliation. Where other things seemed to lose their effect once they became normalised, humiliation took me deeper and deeper. Humiliation soon became my kink of choice.

I came to understand that it was things not being normal that turned me on. It was me not being normal that allowed me to shed my skin and explore what lay beneath. It was the exposure of my true self as a pleasure seeking core with no boundaries and no limits that lay at the heart of all that was kinky for me. It was the uncovering and the peeling back of the layers of protection that I had carefully woven around and over myself that allowed me to truly be free.

I came to understand that although exposure was something I avoided, when I was safe enough to be led along a path which exposed me slowly bit by bit, it was the ultimate experience for me. I discovered a part of myself that I had never known and always feared to be. I loved her and wanted to be her all of the time but her vulnerability and trust meant that it was only when the conditions were right that she would be released. The rest of the time, I would hide her, hide me, safe in the cloak that life had woven for me.

I remember describing this desire initially as being nothing, and that isn’t right because it is about being me. I suppose what I recognised was that when completely exposed, I would have nothing of the former me. I would not be subject to the self-consciousness that held me in check, or the self-control that stopped me and held me back. I would be happy to be as I am, existing for that moment in time and for those who mattered to me there, rather than being halted by the usual over-thinking that stopped me from really letting go.

The interesting thing has been that it is the journey as much as the destination that I enjoy. While is it the ultimate high to be so completely lost in my submission that I am motivated only by it, there is also a thrill in the conscious transition and the cognitive dissonance that takes place as it unfolds. The yes/no dilemma that unfolds as I am torn between what I should want and what I do want, what I should feel and what I do feel and what I should think and what I do think. The consciousness of this battle is a tussle between pleasure and pain that sits at the centre of emotional masochism.

I know that not everyone can relate to this and not everyone feels this way. It took me a long time to see that my submission wasn’t like the submission of some others. I felt perhaps it was less valid, less genuine, less real for a time, but I have grown into it. I was challenged sometimes when I said that I longed to be broken apart and made anew because some felt that was too aggressive for submission. For me, that is how it works. I want to be taken. I want to be made to submit, not because I am stubborn or reluctant but because I need that strength to really set me free.

Although there is pain and discomfort in being exposed in this way there is pleasure as well. To be pushed past the boundaries you have set in stone in order to protect yourself, to confront your worst fears in doing so, and to then be accepted for who you really are is a powerful thing. I am not sure I am able to put it into words and so if you don’t feel the same it may make no sense, but for me it does feel a little like crossing into another world, or at least being free to be the other me.

Kink and Fantasy

Posted in Erotic Humiliation, Tell Me About ..., Throwing Caution To The Window and tagged , , , , , .


  1. That last part, to be accepted for who you are, indeed is a very powerful thing. Being in a relationship where you can explore your kinks, where the other wants to explore with you, is just as powerful. To me my kink feel normal too, but like you, when talking to vanilla people, I realize that I am so different to them. I still need to write my kink post and will elaborate there 🙂
    ~ Marie xox

    • Yes it is funny isn’t it how accustomed we become to this world. And then you realise! I look forward to reading your thoughts. Missy x

  2. Be free to be you. That is what the kink community expressed through these blogs communicates and reinforces to me. There is no one true way, and what works for some is not the kink of others. But it can be respected as long as there is understanding by all involved. These blogs alway reinforce that we are all learning if we are alive. Thanks for sharing Missy I love your posts and the way you expose yourself regularly. Be well, play safe.

    • Thank you David. How kind of you to say that. I have found this community to be mostly very accepting and that has been so refreshing. I think without it I couldn’t expose myself in a way which is really beneficial for me. Missy x

  3. I can see how this sort of Kink could peel away everything until you are at your most pure form…nothing but the id, shedding the ego and super ego. I think that may be the path to nirvana.

    As for an early point, I think a lot of us think we have lost our kink, or are maybe not, because it has become so normalized in our life. When speaking with our non-kink friends, though, it becomes obvious right away how different our lives are from theirs, still. I notice that often.

    Great, introspective post, as usual. I am always enamored of your writing and the vulnerability with which you write.

    • Thank you Brigit. That really means a lot as someone who has followed your blog for a long time. And re the kink I do think that is a good way to describe it and have thought about the id before and wondered if that is what I become. There is a selflessness too though so I am never quite sure. Missy x

  4. Very revealing! You have exposed the dichotomy that is at the heart of submissiveness. It feels like being taken beyond your normal barriers exposes a more authentic self? It sounds like a beautiful place to be. The surrender to control can take us to a peaceful, joyful place of freedom from the restraint of normality.

    • I think it is a beautiful place to be and the craving to be there is strong. I agree with what you say about submission too. Thank you. Missy x

  5. Oh my this. I can relate to SO MUCH you have written here, I feel I may have to blog my own feelings that came up while reading this.

    I love when I read a post that makes me want to write 🙂 thank you for sharing!

  6. Being exposed is one thing.
    Being forced to expose is something else.
    Being forced to expose knowing that your Sir demands it of you and knowing that exposed is humiliating and a huge arousal factor and knowing that your Sir exposes you because he wants to show you off and wants your arousal exposed as well…. Well. That is the ultimate kink in the chain.

    • Yes you are right. I am not really into exhibitionism but being the exhibit or being exhibited for him is quite a heady thing. The same is true of being exposed. It’s such a personal thing though in terms of how it works. But I am glad to have found what does. Thank you x

  7. As David says “Be free to be yourself” – that is such a great thing in this world – of course some people/groups pretend they accept you/others because they preach about their openness and such – but they don’t – they only accept “like”- but as we know it is more important to be accepted by those close to us. My eldest recently wrote in a card to me “thank you for always being un-appologically yourself” – I know I am going off track here a little but it is all linked. Not pretending, being open, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, embracing your kinks…
    May xx

    • Yes I see the connections and agree with you. And over time I think it becomes easier to feel secure in being who you are. Missy x

  8. I’m glad you’ve grown into your submission and come to understand that you don’t need to enjoy kinks like everyone/anyone else to be valid. We all are, no matter our particular flavour.

    I, for one, love learning about your kinks. And HLs. And I’m very grateful he enjoys pushing you to expose yourself. The images you share here always gorgeous, artist and unique. 😍 N x

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