“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
True but for me, my name has become more than just something to call me. It is tied firmly into my identity, as a blogger and as a submissive. Although I began with submissy the blog and missy the writer, missy was already my submissive name and so to write about my journey under that name made sense. Not only did this cement missy as an author, it also cemented a sense of self and established missy and my submissive side as a more developed part of me.
Essentially the submissive in me grew stronger and more real through engagement with others. I have friends online who know me as missy and they do not know my other, vanilla, name. Others do know that but I am still missy to them as they are their writer names to me and somehow, that cannot be untangled. It was actually quite important to me when adopting a name for my submissive self that it be something that could be used in public. I wanted HL to be able to refer to me as missy, and for kink related friends to be able to do the same.
It made it easier that it was a name that could be used in that way. Before I began my blog, I had been engaging online and was known as missy. I didn’t have the name straight off and if you want to know why I chose it you can read here, but when it came to starting a blog about my submissive journey, the fact that I was a sub called missy and it was about being a submissive seemed to work in well as the title of my site.
In that way, missy isn’t just a pen name to me. She is more than that, part of my self, and a part that I feel represents the real me. I have wrestled at times with the need to compartmentalise my life; I have felt frustrated when one part spilled into the other and equally well felt disappointed when it couldn’t. For some time now, this has not bothered me and I slip much more easily between being the two different people I need to be.
I do feel though that missy is at the heart of me and although she is more vulnerable and needs to be protected, she is also the way I would want to be all the time, if only the world were a different place. However, despite my desire to embrace her all 24/7 I have to protect her in a number of ways, as a submissive and as a writer, and really she can only exist in this online world or a world of Dominance and submission.
As a writer, I do sometimes wish I had a second part to my name. While it fits for all the reasons I have outlined above, I feel somewhat less grown up than others who have a full name. As a submissive I am owned by HL so to have only the one name is really quite common. I am what he wants and needs me to be after all and my identity is in all ways connected directly to him. As a writer that doesn’t quite work and it can feel as if something is lacking.
In some ways I would see missy more as the person behind the writing and submissy as the author so I have used the more formal name in an author profile almost as you might when giving a surname as well as a first name. I did think about trying to find something that would work to make me more writerish but in the end, they just didn’t feel like me.