For me submissive headspace is the place I am in when I am deeply submissive. It goes beyond my submissive mindset because mindset is more of a conscious thing. Submissive headspace differs because it is about thinking and feeling deeply submissive which becomes an automatic response. It is a place that I go to when I have given up control, when I have let go.
Although there is an element of these things in any power exchange, they can work on a sliding scale. My submissive headspace is the place I am in when I have arrived, when I am taken over by my submission and it becomes all I am. At this point, nothing else really matters. The rest of my world is still there but submission is my focus and, as the person who I submit to, it becomes all about HL.
Some people would refer to a submissive headspace as subspace which is a euphoric state you can find yourself in due to the chemical endorphins created during some forms of play. I have written about subspace and how it works for me before. Certainly subspace might be part of my submissive headspace, but it is not all about that for me. For one reason, the sort of subspace that is written about is often the result of heavier pain play scenes which we don’t tend to do all that much.
Other forms of play can also induce that euphoric state and when that happens I will lose sense of space and time. It will be lovely to feel that I am so relaxed and usually I become all about the pleasure and the sensation. I stop thinking and just feel. I am very malleable and will be totally focussed on HL and on what he is doing and making me experience. It is a lovely place and it is certainly part of my submission, but I don’t see it as being the same as my submissive headspace or what I would call my submissive space.
My submissive headspace is a space that I get into where I become completely submissive. I am aware of what I am doing so it is far more connected than the sort of subspace described above where I would be responding to a sensory overload which would affect my ability to process in the usual way. Neither is it like mindset which is a choice to think and behave in a submissive way, albeit supported by a set of rules and rituals.
Submissive headspace is something I fall into. There will usually be a trigger and often I can feel it. I might fight it initially, not because I don’t want to be in this space but more because it comes as a result of my boundaries being pushed. I find what I am being asked to do difficult in some way, but I am being asked to do it by my Dominant so it pushes me to agree. It will either arise from the pushing of certain buttons which trigger a submissive response or from being Dominated, which does the same.
More about triggers for submissive headspace
Erotic humiliation will push me into my submissive space. This happens because it forces me to let go on an emotional level of my own idea of myself. It demands that I confront a different version of myself and in order to do that, I must let go of the me that I am in public and to others. I become something else and that part is fully submissive. I twist and I turn on myself, but it is a visible change to those who witness it happen.
I embrace this other self and hold on to her whilst still being aware of my other side. It feels a bit like having one foot in each world and it makes me feel confused and conflicted as my mind flits from one way of thinking to another. There is certainly a fight internally. The cognitive dissonance that it causes for me hold me there in this alternate space until I am pushed completely into my submissive side, at which point I give up and become what I feel I am destined to be.
On the other hand, when I am pushed into my submissive space through Dominance, the struggle is less. It happens initially and can involve some push back or wriggling as I try to get out of it, but once it is clear that I am going to be doing whatever it is, I give in and become very compliant. Rather than the constant flick between two states, I let go of one and slip into another. I become completely what HL wants and needs me to be and see things from his point of view.
Being in this headspace as a response to my boundaries being pushed can last for much longer than with accessing it through humiliation. I have been there before for an extended period of 4 days and I imagine it would be longer if the circumstances were right. I am held there by the situation and the way it makes me feel but because I am supported by HL’s Dominance, my only focus is him.
Why I enjoy this submissive headspace
No matter how being in that space comes about, there is a freedom and a feeling that I have let go of all that would usually hold me back. I feel changed; calmer, more carefree and as if things are really simple. I don’t overthink and am happy to be told what to do. It isn’t a conscious choice to be like this and where I would strive to respond in this way all the time, it just doesn’t work like that. I always want to be submissive to HL and to respond to him appropriately but that is different than being in my submissive space.
I am more vulnerable in this state and am also very focussed. It is as if my submission is all that I am and everything else fades away so it would not be possible to function like this all the time. My life requires that I engage with a variety of different things and that I act independently to HL while I do them. I still see myself as being his submissive, however, and our power exchange is a thread that runs through many aspects of our life together.
I draw on my submissive mindset to help me to live a D/s lifestyle but as part of that, at points I will move deep within my submissive headspace. This can be to do with play but will also occur at other times, although it has to be when HL and I have time to be focussed just on each other, or at least on our D/s. I will also sometimes be pushed to the point during play where the sensory overload will mean that I let go and move into subspace, but I do see the three states of subspace, submissive mindset and submissive headspace as being distinct.
Related post: submissive mindset and other thinking parts
A brilliant piece! You explained the various three states you experience as a submissive really well and it was interesting and a pleasure to read. X
Oh wow thank you for such a compliment and I am glad my meaning came across. Missy x
Interesting. I refer to your headspace as my submissive heartset. It is also where I feel most authentic, like a weight has been lifted off of me and I am free to just be. It can be a result of Coming out of subspace, brought on by heavier play, but sometimes it has nothing on the surface to do with B at all. For example if I’ve been sick, I tend to feel more submissive again. I have come to the conclusion that the above example might have to do with becoming too tired to keep walls around my authentic self and I live the way my heart wants to .
I agree that in this state/stage I can feel most vulnerable- yet the longer I stay in it the less vulnerable I feel ( and I mean that in a very positive light)..
That is interesting and I must think about being unwell and whether or not that causes those feelings. It has happened a lot when we are going to do things where I feel uncertain or exposed in some way. It’s like I can’t deal with my feelings but I have to do it so I just give in completely and do exactly as I am told. It’s really good in many ways but it took a while for HL to realise how vulnerable I was as there is no push back at all. When I am in subspace from play he will be aware that I can’t process in the same way but he hasn’t realised that when I was in the submissive space. It’s quite confusing so good to be able to chat it through. Thank you. Missy x
I like the way you have written about the three states of subspace, submissive mindset and submissive headspace. It makes so much sense to me. I think for us the mindset is always there, and you definitely need the submissive headspace to move into the subspace.
~ Marie xox
Thank you. I find that the actual subspace comes less often for me and is quite a rare thing. I crave the submissive space itself though. It is like an alternative reality that I really enjoy. Missy x
This is the rare bit I catch and read. It actually prompted me to share a thought that’s been on deck for years. Need to go for now but hope you find it of interest and have been doing.
How lovely to hear from you C. I have missed you! And yes, I am always interested in your thoughts. Hope that you and yours are safe and well. Missy x
Good afternoon ma’am! I miss being here and won’t deny that it’s easy to sometimes wonder how everyone is. Doing much better nowadays on my end but I’ve had to accept a life “offline” for the most part. Hope I made a bit of sense with mine and y’all are well.
You made perfect sense and I realise how much I have missed your thoughts. I am sorry life doesn’t work in allowing you much time online but know that what time you do get to spend here is appreciated by many. x
You show more kindness than I deserve but it is seen and appreciated. Hope y’all are well until I stop by again. Thank you for your time ma’am.
You are more than welcome x
Interesting text. I like that you don’t say “in general”, but share your personal feelings. For this we thank you.
Thank you. I think it’s important to make it clear that this blog contains my thoughts on my experience. While some may experience things in a similar way, for others it will be completely different. Missy x
Beautiful image Missy and I think it goes well with what you have written.
Thank you gem xx
This is stunning.
Thank you Elliott x
The freedom of not having to take control – someone else taking care of your needs. I wonder if the reason this works for so many is the throw back to carefree times of youth?
I do think that the throwback to youth is part of it. For me that feeling of loss of innocence is significant too. The excitement of discovery and being led there by someone more knowing. That sort of thing! Missy x