shifting focus and how to enjoy a smaller world

Shifting focus and how to enjoy a smaller world

I have spent some time thinking about this recently, because in many ways a smaller world is what we are facing at the moment. Focus can be so important and to focus on what there isn’t and fight and struggle with that can be really hard. I do feel fortunate in loving the things close to me and so, for me, I am lucky that living in a smaller world is not such a great sacrifice as it is for others, but shifting my focus has been a key part.

So often we don’t have control over the cards that we are dealt in life so it is important to try to manage your response to that. Being resilient and being able to shift your perspective is part of that. Seeing change as an opportunity for growth isn’t just about how successful you become in turning a situation to a positive, but about the way you feel about yourself when you are in the middle of things.

Don’t waste energy on the things you can’t change

Coping with loss and change is always really stressful and being in a situation where the outcomes are unknown is one of the biggest causes of anxiety for people. If you are able to manage your thinking so that you feel more in control through a focus on the things that you can change rather than the ones you can’t, this can have a powerful impact on your mental health and your happiness.

Being able to divert my thoughts from the things I can’t change hasn’t been easy this time. I spent a time feeling very angry and frustrated at the situation and the way it was impacting on myself and others. I was disheartened at the lack of leadership and what I saw as being the poor management of change. I wrestled against it but came to the conclusion that fighting it was pointless.

Finding ways to acknowledge my feelings and validating them by allowing myself to really feel them has been helpful. I have found that doing that has enabled me to put them to one side and stop wasting my time and energy on them. I suppose this fits with the restorative way I usually try to deal with issues where I look for understanding and acknowledgment as a way to resolve the feelings and move on.

It isn’t about changing what happened or dissolving the hurt. What is done is done. It is about finding a way to make your peace with that so that you are able to move on. It isn’t about fixing it as much as being able to move past the negative emotions that hold you in that moment. Likewise with this, it is about shifting my focus from the things I can change and accepting they are as they are so that I can put my energy into things that I do have control over.

Find pleasure in the things around you

I am finding more and more that being able to live in the present is a helpful tool. There is so much around us that is good but it can be hard to see the wood for the trees. Or perhaps, when coping with these sorts of large scale situations, it is about seeing the beauty of the tree right in front of you rather than thinking about what might happen to the wood as a whole. Looking on a small scale at what I do have and what I can influence has been useful.

This has allowed me to manage my time and think about projects that will bring me pleasure in the here and now. Sometimes it has meant thinking about what I enjoy and gain from something, and finding ways to achieve those feeling by taking it into a different context. I have worried less about what will happen in the future and concentrated more on the things that make me feel good right now. That has had clear benefits for me.

Choose a focus and set goals around that

I think that often transitions force you to think about where your priorities are. Resilience is about being able to see the opportunities of change, rather than fearing it and subsequently fighting it or hiding from it. Life is so busy that there are always loads of things I mean to do and don’t seem to get the time for. I have coupled this with my own priorities and that has allowed me to set some goals around achieving things which are important but are completely within my own control.

Some of these have been around relationships and others have been to do with my surroundings, my work and my other hobbies. Doing this has energised me and allowed me to see the gains rather than the losses. I have tried to act in the moment and not put things off. Back when I felt I was fighting with things it was harder to harness my energy and motivation and I ended up in a cycle of acedia, which I am now reminded was on my list of topics to write about!

Take time for yourself

Self-care is at the heart of wellbeing and at times of change and loss it is essential to make time for yourself. I have been better at doing this and part of this has come from adopting the strategies mentioned above. Embracing hygge has also had an impact and I am finding that a focus on cosiness and the time to enjoy and relax in my surroundings is getting me through the cold, dark winter days.

Lighting candles as the evening draws in means making a practical change to the environment too which has been a positive when working from home as there is not the same demarcation which allows a clear home/work balance. Obviously the focus on our D/s works as part of this and we have built some new routines and rituals into it so that we don’t become lost in one part of our lives at the expense of another.

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Posted in Health, Mental Health, Throwing Caution To The Window and tagged , , , , .


  1. I watched “Story of O” during the week! LOL I have seen it before, but I’d forgotten all those bits about sitting with ones flesh touching the seat! Very good 🙂

    I remember one time I mentioned the story, and you said something about not wanting to go that far, and I thought well its not exactly hard core – but now I see what you meant, they are very, very naughty in that film! <3

  2. I kind of half watched it while I was tinkering about doing other things, I like Sir Stephen’s part – I found it quite romantic when he got the cigar burn at the end! I really should read the book, I read something very like it, maybe a copy, or maybe the original, I’m not sure now, maybe I’ll put it on my list – I’ll be sat at work reading, (as thats mostly where I read these days) so I’ll have to put a “do not disturb” on the door!

    • You will need to be careful reading it at work. From what you have said before I think it will be something that you like as a book. I haven’t seen t film to compare. It works well in text for me though. Missy x

  3. Being able to self care so that you can look after the smaller world has been more difficult than I imagined. But like you have mentioned I have set goals to keep things in my control. Thanks missy, another important read.

    • Thank you PS. I think I underestimated the way it would affect me too. In that sense it has been easier to see what to do this second lockdown. Missy x

  4. I’m pretty sure I read it some years before I saw the movie, I’m curious as to how much they changed it, but the movie is very good indeed! The acting is compelling, and all done very “Frenchly” 😀

  5. Great words of wisdom Missy! Also love the pic…we’re big fans of home nudity. Just being who we are, without social expectations of how we should look and learning to be comfortable in our own skin.

    • Thank you QH. I wish we got to do it more but the past year has meant it doesn’t happen often. There will be other opportunities though I am sure. x

  6. Self-care, especially in the current times, is so very important. I like your idea of lighting candles when the working part of the day is over, to transition from one to the other. For me it’s changing over to another laptop, but I might just add lighting candles to that too, although with the days getting longer, I might have to wait a little while.
    Absolutely love that images, Missy!
    ~ Marie xox

  7. I can certainly relate to the struggle and anger of the current situation and finding it difficult when everything seems chaotic and unknown. I like your goals and the idea of lighting the candle seems lovely. Your photo is beautiful too Missy.

  8. Here’s the version I got, its a box set, so you get the excellent 1975 version, and a later American interpretation – which is also a pretty good flick as far as I remember, I shall have to watch that one again someday, but I’m sure the first one was far more unique and enticing 🙂
    Its a bit pricey really, but it seems to be out of print – don’t let that put you off though, its really a good one to see, I read that the main star went on to be a Bond girl, she’s certainly stunning, and a good actor paying a demanding role.
    You might find it elsewhere, good hunting! XX

  9. Not wasting energy on what you cannot change is a very correct decision. The main thing is to understand and accept in time the thought that it is not in our power to influence the situation.

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