be daring and find ways to surrender

Be daring and find ways to surrender

It takes courage to surrender. We are designed to want to feel in control of things. We crave routine and order and a sense of, well … things making sense really. But often that is not what we find. It can be exhausting when we try to control elements that we have no influence over. I have appreciated for a while the peace that comes with surrender of control and this is something that I enjoy as a submissive.

With other areas of my life it has been harder because I thought that I needed someone else to be in control before I could surrender, but I have discovered that this is not the case. I had a bit of an epiphany in this regard not so long ago. I realised that I was battling with life and with the nonsense that it seemed to be throwing over me. So many rules that made no sense, no sense of leadership or of a clear vision.

I was struggling big time. I was a victim of the ever changing scenery and landscape that last year brought. The expectations on me were ridiculous and the ones I placed on myself were even more so. I wrote here about the range of emotions I went through and ultimately, I think I was left with an anger and a frustration that actaully made me physically unwell. I detached from the emotion of it all and that helped.

It was a little while after that acceptance came, and a big part of that was about my own surrender to it. I don’t mean that I gave up. I will never stop trying, or caring or hoping. But I suppose I lay down and sort of embraced my own feelings. I acknowledged my hurt and my fear. I stopped trying to fix those those emotions and accepted that they were part of me and of my own situation. I let myself feel them, properly for once.

This process took a while as I was still distracted by trying to fix things for others but slowly I came to the realisation that the only way to really make things better for myself was to surrender and stop thinking in the way I had been. I have been happier since then. My focus has been on the things that I can change and on enjoying the small triumphs and the beauty that is around me.

It has been a helpful approach and is one that I will try to address more in the future. It has caused me less stress and less worry to give up my fight against a system that will not give me the answers or the direction I need. I have stopped wasting time on those thoughts and turned my attentions to thinking about the simple things. From this has come clarity of focus and an energy to surround myself with the things that bring me pleasure.

It takes courage to turn away. It is hard not to be drawn in and to keep moving forward in a struggle even when we know the outcome cannot be positive. Even when we know the situation will have no winner because it is not like that. I have learnt a lot this past year about acceptance and this has allowed me to surrender and, therefore, to free myself emotionally from the conflict I feel.

Ultimately I don’t need these battles. I am content with what I have and there is freedom for me in walking away. Surrendering and opening myself up to these feelings has meant a focus on myself and what is good for me. It has been a little about self-preservation and a lot about self-care. Being more mindful has meant a focus on what is more meaningful and has lead to feeling generally more at peace, so I think that surrender is good for me.


More about self-care:

Posted in Feeling Good, Health, Throwing Caution To The Window and tagged , , , , , .


  1. Those words make so much sense to me, to walk away from the unnecessary battles, and to focus on the things you can change. Being mindful of that is always a good thing, and a good way of caring for oneself. Beautiful post, Missy, and a lovely image!
    ~ Marie xox

  2. Mr E has always told me to pick my battles wisely, and stick to my own. We all have enough on our plates without looking for more. Lovely picture too.

    • Thank you. They are actually quite old now as I bought them for a ball when I was 19 but I still like them. Missy x

  3. It sounds like you found one of the secrets to a good life. Thanks for sharing what you’ve been through. And that’s a great pic! Love the gloves especially!

  4. I was commenting on Devi’s post recently that we need to know what we can change and what we can not -and so accept what we can’t change as otherwise we use up too much energy. This can be more difficult than it sounds- to know the difference between these two things. I can not have blind acceptance of all – it is not in my nature and I also think nothing good comes from that attitude in the long run. I have been thinking a lot about this topic myself lately lol
    May xx
    Lovely image but cant see it at the top – is that me or you?

    • Oh the image should show so I need to check that out. It works for me of course.

      I wasn’t really meaning blind acceptance because that would be dangerous I think. More accepting that the feelings are there, acknowledging them allowing myself to feel them and then putting them aside and focusing on other things that I can change. I am still angry and frustrated about what is happening but it’s not having a direct effect on me or taking up my time. Almost like the feelings are resolved and no longer active if that makes sense. I read DS post too and thought it was similar although I called it something else and didn’t know it was an actual thing. Like you say, interesting to think about. Missy x

  5. I am in the same place as you missy. It’s a few years since I realised that too much thrashing about trying to control too many aspects of my life just got me frustrated. I know letting everything drift seems a bit too lax, but honestly my personality does prefer a tendency in this direction, because sometimes I wonder why I’m so SURE I want to go in a certain direction!

    So my mindset remains the same as when I was actively parenting “Pick your battles” combined with “Have a goal in sight – but allow yourself to take a less than direct route.” As always Missy – thank you for sharing, your posts always get me thinking.

    • Aww thank you Posy. I do think she can be helpful. It has been for me at least as I can see patterns in my behaviour and reactions and can use that to find new ways to deal with them. Missy x

  6. Its a hard lesson to learn, isn’t it? And one that will need revisiting on occasion, I’m sure.

    For me, raising two boys- one autistic, one headstrong-and-neurotypical- has taught me to pick my battles wisely. And teaching them that some things just aren’t worth their energy requires near constant reflection on my part. Because the desire to strive for excellence is never far away.

    Your words, as always, have given me pause for thought. Thank you for linking up. N xx

    • Thank you for that. I know what you mean about picking your battles. I hadn’t though of it in terms of parenting but I guess the same might apply. Being able to resolve your emotions and bring them to a close is key I guess but you seem very able to do that from what you write. Missy x

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