Words turn me on. This is no surprise really as the brain is the largest sex organ but talking the talk is a vital part of arousal for me, and for many others I would assume. In terms of Dominance and submission, I think that words are the key. For me it is what is said, and the way it is said, that is the D/s part of the scene. Even outwith play when words are used as part of our lifestyle dynamic, they are what creates the sexual charge and with just a phrase I can move from a simmer to a boil.
The Power of Words
While D/s in the bedroom often involves kinky play as part of the exploration, that isn’t what pushes me into submission and leads me to give up control. In fact, whether or not the control is given or taken depends entirely on what is said. While the makeup of the scene might involve being vulnerable, which adds to it or gives it an edge, that can only take things so far. It is the words used which cause the exchange of power. They show that one person is in control, while the other is relinquishing it.
This is the essence of the power exchange: give and take. It works in a sort of circular motion as you travel deeper and deeper from your starting point. Control, like many other aspects of D/s, is not a finite thing. It has levels and depths and no matter how familiar you are with your partner or with the type of play, there is always that opportunity to give up more control or to give it up in a different sort of way than you have previously. It grows and shifts and changes with you, and unlike some of the elements of kink which can lose impact over time, words will always have power.
Instruction, Direction and Arousal
One way that words are used to turn me on is when they give instruction or direction. This reinforces the power exchange and emphasises the fact that I am not in control. This will help my submissive headspace. It means that things become simple. The usual questions and concerns in my mind will fade to the background and I am clear about what I have to do. I can focus solely on HL and know that I will be pleasing him. This stops my mind from wandering and keeps me firmly grounded to him.
This aids the play greatly because it allows me to shift from experiencing things on an individual level, to experiencing things through him. It is part of the intensity that is D/s. It becomes absorbing and overwhelming. Essentially, it allows me to let go of anything that will hold me back because I am focussing on him and what he needs and wants from me.
“Look at me. Don’t take your eyes off me.”
“Reach around and pull your bum cheeks apart for me.”
Commands to Turn Me On
Commands work together with instructions and direction, and in a similar way. HL will use commands to show that he has gained control. So where the instruction and direction will be there to slowly illustrate that I am under his control and am doing things for him, the commands will show that the process has taken place. They act as a reminder of my position in the power exchange.
“Come for me now.”
Statements of Intent
For me, statements of intent can really add to my arousal. They build the anticipation and draw my mind towards HL. Really what he is doing is using words to play with me and to illustrate the power he has over my thoughts. He might use them to suggest something and set my mind racing, or to make me feel excited or a little scared. Whichever way, it demonstrates the control that he has over my feelings by manipulating my thoughts.
This is one of the most arousing things for me. Again, it will draw me to him, making me needy of him and his attentions. It maintains my focus on him and keeps me thinking about him and what he wants.
“In a minute I am going to make you come.”
“I will be using you here later on.”
“You are going to let go of everything.”
Observational comments will turn me on because they are linked to erotic humiliation for me. Losing control of myself is something that I try very hard not to do in everyday life, so to be pushed past that to the point that I let go puts me deep into my submissive space. HL will use these sorts of remarks to provide a bit of a running commentary on my undoing. This will work because he is pointing out the ways that my body is betraying me. Often I don’t want to want the things we do, but he knows I want them all the same.
One example would be anal play. It feels a bit taboo for me so to be turned on by it is not something I would admit to. HL will use words to point out the fact that I am responding sexually and physically to what he is doing.
“You are absolutely soaking.”
“Your nipples are very erect so you must really be enjoying this.”
“That little gasp tells me that you like me touching your arsehole.”
It feels humiliating for me to have these things observed and pointed out, but at the same time the cognitive dissonance caused between what I think I want and what I really seem to want leads to a confusion in my mind where I just have to give in and go with what he is doing. If he then decides to comment in a way which would allow others to see me for what I really am then this will add yet another layer to the arousal.
“Perhaps I will make a recording of you and send it to …..”
Words as Personal Triggers
Part of my submission is about being ‘made’ to do things. Being ‘forced’ and knowing that HL has the power to make me need and want whatever it is he plans to give, despite the fact it feels like something that I shouldn’t enjoy. This taps into my fear of being rejected for who I really am. It makes me vulnerable because he can see beneath my mask to something that I feel embarrassed or ashamed of. It is about being exposed on all levels and ultimately, he sees the truth and accepts and wants me anyway.
In this way, to describe me as “needy” or “greedy” or “dirty” will become a turn on. I am only like that for him, because he has made me be that way. It allows me to devolve responsibility whilst also pursuing my desires.
“I am going to have to put this plug into you.”
“I need you to take more for me.”
“God you are desperate for cock.”
This works much better for me than words where there aren’t a powerplay element to them. So “You like it when I do this to you, don’t you?” won’t work as well as “You are hungry for my fingers inside you, aren’t you?” And “would you like me to touch your clit?” will not have the impact as “listen to those whimpers when I touch your clit. You are really losing it.”
Beyond the Bedroom
While I have focussed mostly on words that turn me on during play or scenes, they can work the same way during other times. This can be used to maintain a submissive mindset or to build arousal and excitement for what is going to come. Essentially it creates the sexual charge between you and carries it beyond the bedroom and out into the other areas of your life.
“You were so sexy last night.”
“I am going to do bad things to you later.”
“Lift your skirt up and show me what is mine.”
Essentially for me, words are everything – the power, the control, the fire. They are the basis of the power exchange and they are what makes what we do Dominance and submission, rather than kinky play or BDSM. There is a huge area of crossover of course, but at the end of the day, it is the words that turn me on.
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