Finding my Personality Type
Influenced by my friends, I decided to take a personality test. The personality types are based around the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, which is something we use a version of at school with the pupils. I have taken the test with them and you come out as an animal, but it is hasn’t been something I identified with that much in the past, therefore, I hadn’t really looked into what the letters meant. Having taken the test used by Marie in her post (click here for the test) I discovered that I am an INFJ-T, which is an Advocate.
Key Features of the Advocate Personality Type
Actually the results of the test surprised me in terms of their accuracy. It seemed so very like me that I was compelled to read each section and find out more. I could actually see in the description so much of what I have been trying to explain and include in the personal reflection that I have done on here.
Advocates are very rare, making up less than one percent of the population. They seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. They want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. They are conscientious and committed to their firm values. They develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good and are organized and decisive in implementing their vision.
Once you have completed the test and have found out your ‘type’ there is some further information to help you to explore. This includes an introduction and conclusion, as well as sections on strengths and weaknesses, romantic relationships, friendships, parenthood and career paths and Workplace Habits. It was actually like someone had written specifically about me, so despite the fact that I had not been sold on the idea initially, I felt quite excited reading it.
Strengths and Weaknesses
Applying the Strengths to Myself
- Creative – I recognised the description of using creativity to solve problems to help those around me. My work requires me to be very solution focussed and it even said that advocates made excellent counselors and advisors.
- Insightful – I often see a connection between people and events and am able to use that to get past what is said to where the real issue lies. This is really helpful to me in terms of relationships and supporting people.
- Inspiring and Convincing – If I believe in something then I am usually able to communicate in a way which translates to others. I know that through my writing, and through speaking at work, I can connect with people and also encourage or persuade them of my ideas.
- Decisive – Once I have an idea, I tend to follow it through and try to improve things for the better. Although unimportant decisions can be trickier, when I am passionate about something I will have the courage of my own convictions and will not usually be put off.
- Determined and Passionate – When I believe that something is important, I will pursue it, sometimes to extreme lengths and to my own detriment. It doesn’t always win me friends, but if I believe that something is right I have to try to follow it through.
- Altruistic – Most of what I do is for others. I get personal satisfaction from that and be true to myself and the things I believe in has always been my reward. This is evident through my job but also what I do online. There are costs for the running of the sites that we have, both financially and in terms of time, but enjoy I doing it as a way of putting something back. I like helping others and am happy if I can.
Applying the Weaknesses to Myself
- Sensitive – I know that I can be sensitive to criticism and defensive when my motivations are questioned, especially if this challenges my principles or values. As an empath, criticism and conflict affect me greatly.
- Extremely Private – I struggled with this one because I often think that I overshare. What it did say is that advocates tend to present themselves as the culmination of an idea which made wonder if that is why I worry that people will reject me if they discover what I am really like. Perhaps I am open about the idea of me but not the reality? More to think about!
- Perfectionistic – I can really struggle with this and set very high expectations. This makes if difficult for me to sustain the ideals that I have, but also hard on others around me who are expected to fit in with these. I can feel disappointed that other people don’t do things to the standard that I would.
- Always Need to Have a Cause – I tend to move from one thing to the next in pursuit of achieving my ideals, and sometimes I can become really frustrated and disillusioned when I am not able to take things forward. This happens a lot through work where I am fighting a system which I feel lets people down.
- Can Burn Out Easily – I can easily become absorbed in the cause I am pursuing and put my own needs aside to try to work on things. This means that I run out of time and end up feeling under pressure and in the end my body will force me to stop. These things can stop me from sleeping too.
Personality Type and Dominance and submission
Applying Personality Traits to my Relationship
A lot of what was recorded under the romantic relationships information made sense when applied to the type of relationships that I have always sought out. Advocates will look for depth and meaning rather than casual relationships and this has always been the case for me. I am usually attracted to people I know and don’t tend to feel anything sexual unless there is an emotional connection to that person. I knew from the outset that relationship with HL would not be a casual thing. We were both in complex situations and that meant that we took time to get to the point where we could really be together.
Once they’ve found that someone, their relationships will reach a level of depth and sincerity of which most people can only dream.
When it comes to intimacy, Advocates look for a connection that goes beyond the physical. They prefer to embrace the emotional and even spiritual connection they have with their partners. People with this personality type are passionate partners.
Advocates see intimacy as a way to express their love and to make their partners happy. They cherish not just the act of being in a relationship, but what it means to become one with another person in mind, body, and soul.
I almost squealed out loud when I read this part as seemed to encapsulate exactly what I want in a relationship. It was always something that had been my dream to find a relationship where I could have the intensity and the intimacy that I had craved. For us, the D/s has allowed this to reach places that might not have been possible otherwise as my other traits can make me challenging to manage and to work with. Being able to connect on so many different levels is what allows me to reach the level of intimacy I want and it is so important to me to be able to show and experience this in a relationship.
Another area which struck a chord and tied into the power exchange we have is an advocate’s need for authenticity. The honest and open communication we have is essential for me to feel trust and to build the intimacy mentioned above. I want to know that I can meet HL’s needs and so I need him to be honest with me about what they are. I also need him to make me feel like he hears me and sees me; it is vital to me that we have a way that we can make this happen on a regular basis so that I can express what it is I really think and feel.
Applying Personality Traits to Submission
It was also helpful to me to look at some of my traits in terms my submission as I have been trying to resolve some of this in my own head for a long time. I can find it hard to balance the strong parts of me with the stereotype of how someone submissive is meant to present. This has not just been an issue for me but for HL too. I think at times he wants me to be more compliant, more accepting, less challenging, Some of the time I can be, but really it depends and this unpredictability has made things tough at points.
Looking at the way the advocate personality thinks, feels and behaves, I can see why this is the case. My passion and determination, while positives, can mean that I am absorbed in my own own projects. I can put everything into the current idea and find it hard to set that aside. My perfectionism also makes things hard as I have a fixed notion in my head of the sort of standard I want to achieve and can be relentless in my pursuit of this. I will sacrifice myself to spend time on things for others, and because I am his priority, he would rather put me first.
Advocates have an inborn sense of idealism and morality, but what sets them apart is that they are not idle dreamers. These individuals are capable of taking concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting positive impact.
People with this personality type tend to see helping others as their purpose in life.
Creating ways for managing this so that it is part of my submission to HL is what I want, but I think that understanding more about the way that I am stacked will really help him to see when and where and how this can be achieved. Being able to work on the things that are important to me, with his support, is key. He is clear about his pride in the things I achieve, and he is the first to acknowledge them and make sure that I am given credit for them.
Often he has had to take a back seat though, and has chosen to make compromises and sacrifices to allow me to do this. I know that I can over commit. I know that I can work through the night on an idea or a plan that I feel has to be executed. But what I want is for him to manage me. I want him to protect me in the same way I am protecting others, and that means putting supports in place to make sure that I don’t burn out. He needs to make sure that I give enough to him. We have both acknowledged the fact that I need my own time and space, and I think we are learning more about why.
Taking Things Forward
Overall I feel positive about the results of this test and I think it will be helpful in looking at how further growth, both individually and as a couple, can be achieved. HL has also taken the test and I think that we can use the parts that are relevant to find ways of responding to each other that are more helpful and supportive than we might have been in the past. Understanding behaviour is key to relationships and anything that makes this easier surely has to be a good thing.