How did your names for each other arise? It’s something I assumed would be organic (and I imagine should be), yet we still have yet to firmly land on names and it makes it feel less official (as silly as they may sound). How do you choose a name?Kate
We struggled with this too and I think it can be a common problem. As you say, it can feel so awkward and formal. I guess that is part of the point in some ways though as the formality can help either the D or s mindset by making you feel different to the way you usually might. In a marriage I found this helpful as we know each other so well and are very familiar. Adopting names for play meant that I could feel more like a sub and less like a wife, a mother, a teacher etc.
It was also important to me that we didn’t lose ourselves to these new relationships so while we had been attracted to each other as P and E, we wanted to build on that by introducing and adding something new without losing what we had. I came up with the idea of collar time to make this even clearer in the end, but in the beginning, names were part of that transition.
HL felt that Sir was the best fit for him so we used that from the start. Initially I was little E. We recently updated our contract and those terms will still there which was what reminded me and it seemed funny to see that now that I am so firmly missy! When we joined an online community we had to choose usernames and so we became HisLordship and Mrs W. That was more of a username and not something that worked for me as a sub name so I asked HL to choose me something else.
I wanted something which he could use in public if needs be and so it had to be something which could be a regular name. My kinky facebook profile had been Missy Doubleyou (Mrs W) and so Missy was one of the options that he thought about and later settled upon. I became missy and so submissy seemed like the way to go when I started my blog. If I read back to my early posts I refer to HL as Sir or my Sir, whereas now I have shifted to HL as that has become more of a personality to me. This has really been through engaging with others.
I still refer to him as Sir when we are able to, “Yes, Sir! Please, Sir?” etc but I see his Dom as being HisLordship so will refer to him as HL too. We don’t tend to use names all the time though as often we are speaking directly to one another, so it seems clear enough without and it can feel forced with. During play the protocol is different so I would be expected to use “ Yes, Sir,” rather than to just say, “Yes.”
We have explored a bit with DD/lg where he has more of a caregiver role. Daddy doesn’t really work for either of us so we don’t usually use that in a serious way. We do tend to have different names which we use when exploring different aspects of our dynamic. Some of this is role-play but for my middle side it doesn’t feel quite like that. I have different names for many of these ‘characters’ as they access a different mindset and that makes it easier for us somehow.
I hope that this goes some way to answering your question. Ultimately I think you are right and your names and honorifics will occur organically as your dynamic cements and becomes just the way that you do things, but until then you might need to settle on something or try out a couple of things to see how they feel. Please feel free to contact me if you want to follow up on anything I have included in my reply or in the links. Good luck, have fun, and thank you for helping to make my world a little kinkier, one question at a time.
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