During the first few years of submission I dipped in and out of keeping a submissive journal. It seemed like the right thing to do. I read that it was and I was told that it was, so like the good little submissive I was, I tried it. I can’t say that it did a lot for me, and I don’t believe that it did a lot for HL either. While it can be a good way of communicating, expressing myself wasn’t really something I struggled with, so it felt a bit like writing for the sake of it.
Writing and Blogging about submission
In hindsight, I think that I probably dismissed it too quickly, and when I began my blog I created a category specifically for posts which I saw as being part of my submissive journal. In reality, the whole of my blog really forms part of what is my space to process my thoughts about my life as a submissive wife and so in its entirety, it does make up a record in the same way that a diary might do.
I have written a lot here about writing too. I have written about the process, about how I approach it, about what I get from it and about why I do it.
A New Approach
So do I really have any more to say about journaling and me? Actually I do, because recently I have had a change of heart about it and have realised that there are things that I do not say on my blog that might be better placed in some sort of journal rather than rumbling around in my head. I have also been persuaded into some of the other advantages of journaling that I have overlooked when thinking simply of it as a record of events.
I have outlined some of these advantages in a post I wrote for The SafeworD/s Club on Journaling, and so have started more of an all encompassing submissive journal. Rather than being a traditional diary format, it is a collection of goals, thoughts, ideas, plans and projects. We have recently reviewed out D/s contract and so that has a place where it can be used as more of a working document and I can refer not only to the agreement, but also to the rules and rituals.
Planning and recording ideas
Recognising that my blog does make up a strong part of my record of learning and growth as a submissive, I have used one part to plan the writing and research that I intend to do each month. I hope that this will allow me to be more organised and more focussed. I often note down ideas for writing in various places too, jotting down not just thoughts for posts but interesting quotations and other things that inspire me, so now these can be kept all in one place where I can refer to them more easily.
Keeping track of goals and projects
I set myself some goals at the start of the year and wrote about them in the post, Priorities – motivated and ready to go. They have been in the back of my mind, but I think it will help to have them written down in a mind-map where I can add ideas and create to-do lists and tasks. Planning for the ongoing projects for here, Tell Me About and The SafeworD/s Club is also a big part of helping me to focus on my submission and on aspects of our relationship so, again, it is something that feels good to include.
A traditional journal with a purpose
My thoughts section is the more traditional diary style record of thoughts and feelings and, although I am writing there each morning currently, I am not sure how consistently I will do this. I think it will end up being an as-and-when type of project as I recognise the value but don’t want to be held to feeling compelled to write when there is nothing that I want to say. What it is doing, is providing me with clearer ideas about what I want to discuss during the communication sessions that we have when we talk about how things are going.
Diary of a submissive
One of the things I am in the process of doing is launching a D/s diary project which will sit as an ongoing part of Tell Me About. It will host links to diaries which are written over a seven day period and give a bit of a peak into life as a submissive, a Dominant or a switch. This is something that I would like to do myself as a way of shining a spotlight on what our day to day D/s life looks at, but I also thought that it might be a good way for others who are starting out to find a bit more about what it can involve.
Growing in submission
I guess that, as with all things, what is important is growth and so a key part of what I hope to record will be ideas for kink and play related things I would like to explore in the future. From fantasies, to bucket lists, to things to do more of, this part will be a sort of inspirational wish list which will push me out of my comfort zone and hopefully into my submissive space by encouraging me to own some of the desires and thoughts that I can be guilty of keeping to myself.
All in all I feel quite positive about the way I am sorting things out. I think that the lockdown period has forced me to focus on the things which I can change, whilst also making me want to take control of the slightly chaotic way that my mind can work. I hope that I can be more focussed, more productive and more creative within the structure that this will provide. I also hope that it will allow me to see the my submission in clearer terms and find a clearer way to make as much of it as I can.