How do I quell my jealous nature when I have to share my Daddy with his daughters? They are adults, but very much Daddy’s girls. I try to be the adult but I am his babygirl of 3 years now and we live together. It is becoming harder for me all the time instead of easier, as they are more comfortable around me, and having to hear them yell at him, or watch him spoil them makes me upset. He tells me there is no competition, but really, they always come first. Any thoughts? How do I share my Daddy?Bunny
Jealousy is always a really hard emotion to deal with so I can understand why you are finding this so hard. That said, it is so great that your partner’s daughters feel comfortable enough around you to be themselves. It can be very difficult to forge relationships with a partner’s children so you must be doing a lot right to make them feel at home. I assume that the relationship you have with him is also really close so there sound like loads of positives even though you are finding things tricky at times.
I should make it clear, that I am not in a DD/lg dynamic so I don’t have a lot experience in this area. I do identify as a middle but this is not something that is a huge part of my dynamic with HL. It is a side of me which can come out at times, but we really just identify as Dom and sub. My good friends, Purple Sole and littlegem are in a DD/lg relationship so you might want to also check out their blog at ‘Purple’s Gem for some relevant posts about how it works for them.
Although it is difficult, if he tells you there is no competition then I would encourage you to try to focus on your submissive mindset and trust what he is saying. I assume that you feel you can trust him to be honest with you and that you believe what he says. Although self doubt can creep in, I have always found that focussing on what HL needs from me has made things easier. I wonder if this is something that you would be able to do and, with practice, then use as a strategy?
If I can view something as a service to HL, or see it as a matter of respect not to doubt what he has said, then it can help me to overcome some of the things I find a challenge. I haven’t been in this same situation but have used it to manage negative thoughts about myself and my body image, for example. Trying to think about how he sees me and feels about me can take some of the power away from my own insecurities. After all, he has chosen you as his sub and his baby girl. Why would he do that if he didn’t cherish you and want to be with you?
I also wondered if it might help to remind you of how he feels if you could come up with some secret signals. These would need to be subtle and pre-agreed as you don’t want others around you to feel uncomfortable, but often a look, a word, or a touch can help to put you in a sub mindset and remember the strength of your feelings for each other. This doesn’t need to be anything complicated, just something that will make you feel more secure about his feelings towards you and make you focus on that, rather than feeling angry or jealous.
We have used this ourselves in situations where I have felt anxious or unsure, and even when we know that we are going to be very busy with family and not be able to be as attentive to each other as we usually would. It is always surprising that something so small can be so powerful in helping to reinforce the connection between you. For example, HL might whisper missy in my ear, or grab the back of my neck, or put his hand in the small of my back, all just to remind me that he is there and wants me.
This last one is from littlegem (I told you she was good!) She said that for her some sort of reward system would help as she would know that later, when they were alone and she was all his again, that there would be something to look forward to. As a parent myself, I know that the relationship I have with my children is completely different to the one I have with HL. No matter the dynamic you have, they are his children and you are his partner, so I think you need to believe him when he says it isn’t a competition, even if sometimes you have these negative feelings.
Hopefully some of these things may help and mean that you can both relax a little and enjoy time spent together as a family. Sharing these times with those who you care about can be such a big connector. Please get in touch if you want more information on anything I have suggested. Good luck, have fun, and thank you for helping to make my world a little kinkier, one question at a time.
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