Memoir – Becoming a submissive wife
It is all very well knowing what you want, or at the least, thinking that you know, but once you have worked out what it is, you need to be able to ask for it or make it happen. Asking for Dominance and submission wasn’t easy, especially as, at that point, I still didn’t really know what I was asking for. I did it anyway though and probably pretty badly. I often get emails from people asking about how to ask their partner for this sort of lifestyle and I am never sure what to say. I suppose that really all you can do, is just to do it. So that is what I did.
I don’t remember if I tried to bring it up in a round about way or not. I expect that I will have started with something like, “So. You know the book I have been reading?” I know that some people really struggle to say what is on their mind but usually I am the other way round. I find it harder not to say and things just come tumbling out. Luckily, being able to talk openly about thoughts and feelings and your innermost dreams and desires is actually a big part of making the communication successful in a D/s relationship, although I didn’t know enough to know that at the time, of course. If I had then that might have made a better stab at it.
However it went, I rambled my way through what I thought I wanted to say, filling too many pauses and not stopping for air, and I suppose at some point, I must have stopped. This time I waited. I am not sure what I was waiting for exactly, what I wanted from him, but what I got was a question.
“So let me get this straight ……… you want me to tell you what to do and you are going to let me, and we will be able to have kinky sex whenever I want to?”
I sort of paused and intimated that I thought that there might be a little more to it than that but that I supposed that was the general gist.
“Yup. Count me in,” he said.
So really, I am not convinced that mine is a good example of asking for Dominance and submission, but it is a pretty close reflection of how I asked for it. And in many ways it was successful. Within a couple of hours, I found myself strung by my wrists to an oak beam on the ceiling of that Italian farmhouse secured by HL’s belt, as he whipped me with a second belt across my bum and I twirled and twisted in a state of delirium before him. It was a memorable moment and although I still had lots of research and reading to do, in one sense, I knew that we could make it work.
The research was harder and starting this blog, many years later, was partly reflected in the difficulties that I found myself in accessing reliable information about building a D/s relationship, when you are married with children and full time work commitments. What I found either intimated that I should be a work free, child free, sex slave who knelt waiting in nothing but a collar for her lord and master to return, or that I would be a part-time submissive who engaged in D/s play, often with a variety of people at play parties, dungeons and other exciting invitation-only venues. Neither were conducive to the sort of life that I was living at the time, even if I had seen myself in those roles, which I didn’t.
I turned back to fiction and took some ideas from that, but really it was so unrealistic as to not be much more use than the factual material I had found. Essentially I took the bits that I thought would work, and returned for subsequent (better thought-out) conversations to HL, and slowly we built what we have currently in a shape and a way which suited us. We were green, but we wanted to learn, and although it wasn’t for a few more years that we realised we needed the structure and formality of a lifestyle rather than a bedroom only dynamic, it began on that day, with that conversation, and we grew from there.
I decided to take part in Mrs Fever’s summer writing project which involves writing memoir. This is the second part to my memoir about becoming a submissive wife. The prompt this time was green, and so I have gone with with the idea of being new and of growth. If you would like to know more about this project then follow the link and head over to Mrs Fever’s site.
To read the other parts to my memoir, please follow this link:
Becoming a submissive wife