‘Many of us pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that we hurry past it.’Søren Kierkegaard
The sexual pleasure that came with the practice of Dominance and submission, sort of hit me in a way which was both unexpected but familiar. It was like something I had always known was possible was but never felt, and I knew it meant that things would never be the same again. It was consuming and addictive; I wanted to have that all the time and for it never to stop. In some ways that is just what has happened, and I can honestly say that I have never known pleasure like this.
I often write about living a D/s lifestyle and I talk about the fact that I feel genuinely lucky to have found roles that allow us to exist pretty much harmoniously together. That brings me pleasure, but this post is about the sexual side, and that is quite another story. For me, D/s isn’t just something I choose, it feels like something I need to really feel that my needs are met. It feels that being sexually submissive is part of who I am and so without being dominated, the sex is nice and it is good, but it is really not on the same level at all.
I should add a caveat here that when I talk about sex, I talk about sexual play, and while that may include penetrative sex it does not depend upon it. It relies more on the sexual charge, the interplay between us and the sexual energy that is created as a result. It is about the exchange of power and a deep emotional connection that is expressed in a very physical and sexual way. It is about being your most vulnerable, your most intimate. It is about showing yourself and being truly seen and loved and desired for that.
I am not sure if this is how it works for others but it is how it works for me and it leads to pleasure like I have never known before. I become lost in it and absorbed by it. It becomes me and I become the pleasure and so it ties me to HL in a way which is very difficult to truly explain, although this is not for the want of trying. I have watched people play and I look for that connection. I want it to be tangible and to see the pleasure bind and tie them, even when it is brought about by pain.
I have written about my relationship with pain and the fact that pleasure is a better vehicle for me but actually, we use both together, stacking and adding, increasing and building until I am teetering on the brink as illustrated in this post about electroplay. For me then pain works with the pleasure to enhance it and amplify it, and ultimately take me to the point where I can give into it and just let go. That submission to him and to the sensations he controls feels beautiful and as if it allows me to be who I really am.
Although I like pain, I am not a masochist on a physical level but on an emotional level I am and as such, erotic humiliation is one of the real triggers to push me into my submissive headspace and allow me to really let go. It can work with the pleasure, or more often is a narrative which accompanies it, and that will take things to another level. While our sexual play is clearly physical it is also a cerebral thing and I have to be in a place where my mind is engaged and led down a path in the same way that my body is.
I like being submissive and I enjoy submitting but to truly let go, I need to be dominated. I have to feel the control wrapped around me, inside my head and pressing on my body. I have to be aware that my responses are no longer my own and that my body is dancing to someone else’s tune. I have never known pleasure such as pleasure like this and it commands every single bit of me. It is something that, once tasted, I know I will not want to be without, and while clearly I could, I would not want to go back and substitute with something which didn’t meet my needs like this.
The pleasure itself does not sit for me inside the act of sex itself. It is there in the every day: the touch, the word, the look. It is there in the slow build up and the gradual undoing. It not just in the execution but in the planning too. It is a connection, an exchange, a charge. It the giving up of control and the surrender. It is coming face to face with all that I am, the darkness, the light, the love, and offering that up by shedding my skin. It is raw and pure, it has no beginning and no end, and it is pleasure like I have never known before.