our dreams

Sweet Dreams are Made of This

Sweet dreams are made of this. Who am I to disagree? I travel the world and the seven seas, everybody is looking for something.

I have always like this song. 1983 was a good year and I love the 80s music and the way it feels. I have danced, many a time, to this and the lyrics are easy to go with. The meaning fits for me too, I think. We all have our own dreams, the thing we want, the thing we seek. It can vary over time, and it can vary within the same time period. We also meet others and they want certain things and their dreams interact with our own, shaping the path that we are on in one way or another.

Some of them want to use you. Some of them want to be used by you.

I think that idea of being used and using others is interesting too. Both have negative connotations really but within our relationship, this is not the case. To me, the thought of being used, sexually that is, is hot. When we were first together, we had an agreement that no need (within reason) would go unmet. This was pre D/s but I knew that for me, there had to be the expectation that I would try to do everything I could to meet HL’s needs. I knew that his needs were pretty physical ones and so that was an important part.

I dreamt of being available all the time for him and remember saying that if he woke in the night and wanted me, he should wake me up too. He couldn’t quite believe that at the time, and it seems funny to think now, as we have come so far from that point that it becomes just a natural part of what we do. It makes me feel needed and wanted, so being used elevates me, and doesn’t diminish me as some might think.

My using of him is different. I use him to steady me; he is my rock, he is my advisor, he is my husband and my Dom. He leads and I follow, but I also do a lot of things on my own and in my own way. Independence, on various levels and in different areas, is part of the agreement, so usually I am supported from a distance, rather than being micro-managed. This is just how we like things and it is the right balance for us. I don’t always need to lean on him, but when I do, I know that he is there.

He is big and strong and solid, both physically and metaphorically, and sometimes I need that and I need him. This is an important part as while he loves the things I do and will celebrate and promote my achievements, he also likes me to be needy for him, sexually and emotionally. This is part of his dream, I guess, and it is fortunate for us that we align in this area as it makes things smooth between us.

Some of them want to abuse you. Some of them want to be abused.

Individually our dreams have always been kinky, although we both had to hide this in the past, to a greater or lesser extent. For me, my unrealised need to be submissive led to me being in relationships where my best interests were never put first. My desire to please others and be what they wanted meant that I went with the flow and did the things that were asked, rather than the things that I dreamt of.

In fact, I didn’t really acknowledge my own desires until I was with HL, because he challenged me and pushed me to be open. I hid them as something which would be rejected until I felt sure that the acceptance was there. It was refreshing and exciting to be pursuing things that had been held down for so long. Again, things aligned for us and we were able to explore together

Realising the sadistic and masochistic parts of our respective natures came quite quickly, although we didn’t really describe it in those terms. More recently HL has been open about his desire to hurt me and the thrill that it triggers inside him. While the masochistic side of me leans more to the emotional than the physical, exploring the relationship between pleasure and pain in a physical sense has also been a big part of what we do.

Sweet dreams are made of this

Finding someone who you feel a deep connection with, and who aligns with you on so many different levels, is for me, the stuff of dreams. I don’t pretend for one moment that things are ever perfect, but being able to be with someone who is aware of your dreams, shares many of them, and wants to make realising them together happen, is pretty near the mark. Being able to be open and honest about what my dreams and desires are is important to me; I feel blessed to have found this and appreciate how lucky we really are.

Hopes and Dreams

Related post:
I have spread my dreams under your feet

Posted in Submissive Musings.


  1. I love that song, it invokes so many memories for me too. I enjoyed how you wrapped you post around the lyrics of the song. Also these lyrics are most definitely echoing off some of my thoughts at present.

  2. Great post Missy – i loved that band – I posted a tweet the other of a song by them “I remember you” – have a listen – it is haunting x

  3. This was so interesting to read, especially after recent conversations on this topic. I often tend to describe D/s as if it’s a dance, both partners are necessary and need to be able to trust and so reading this, it made me think of how you’re each other’s perfect dance partner. It’s interesting that you’re currently trying to navigate something new, in terms of physical sadism/masochism. I hope you’ll write about it in the future. Am very interested to see how it goes (I used the word interesting too often in this comment)

  4. “Finding someone who you feel a deep connection with, and who aligns with you on so many different levels, is for me, the stuff of dreams.”

    I so agree with this. I love how you have used the lines of the song to look at your own views, your own relationship. Lovely post!

    Rebel xox

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