I would like to think that I am a receptive person. I like learning and prefer to be moving forward in terms of growth and development. Sometimes I think that anxiety can stop me from being as receptive as I would like to be to some things though. I can over think and feel safer with the status quo than with change and can worry about the outcomes, which I suppose comes from fear of the unknown. I can deliberate over things, pouring through every eventuality and talk myself out of something which might actually have been good for me.
Being in a D/s relationship has helped me to be receptive in a number of ways
Living in a power exchange
The most obvious thing is the fact that our power exchange is a lifestyle. This means that many areas fall under our agreement that I will submit and follow HL’s lead. This has not always been easy for me and it has required trust, but with careful communication, we have made it work for us. We will discuss things at length and my opinions and thoughts are always heard and taken into account. That being said, HL’s decision is final and I am accepting of that. This would not work if he were bullish and inconsiderate, but he is not, so it does.
This has meant that when my natural response might be to pull back, he has been able to push me on a bit. Not push me over the edge, but push me to the point where I am able to cross boundaries and barriers that I have, very often, created inside my own head. This has been freeing in many ways and has allowed me the sort of growth that you can only get from experiencing things which lie just that little bit beyond your comfort zone. This has not just been in a physical or sexual sense, but in other areas of life too.
Knowing that I have his support and backing has been vital and it has made me braver, more confident and more able to face things that I would have shied away from in the past. Feeling that you are part of something bigger than yourself is always a good motivator for the positive self talk that you need, and it helps to keep a good perspective on things. At the end of the day, whether something goes as expected or not, I know that he has my back and that I have his, so it makes us a team who can take on more together than in we could safely do in individual parts.
A more receptive outlook.
I have also learnt not to close things down. Prior to D/s I was quite focussed on what I could and couldn’t do. I worried a lot about what others thought and sought approval. I still have these tendencies, but we work hard with them. Leaving that self control behind, as I do when I am in a submissive headspace, has allowed me to be more open and receptive to things that I might write off usually. The outdoor photography was one area where it worked like this. Our attendance at certain kink events has been another.
Over time, I have learnt to never say never. I have done things, for sure, that I never thought I would. We have worked out way through most of the soft and many of the hard limits that we identified initially. This has been a slow process, of course, but we have both become more receptive to new ideas as we have grown in confidence and experience. Sharing you inner thoughts and desires is quite scary at the start, but once you do and things are out in the open, it feels much easier to give some of them a go.
I have found myself considering things such as play with others, and although it is not something we have done, I am far more receptive to the idea than I would ever have thought before. Being more open about our fantasies with each other, has allowed us to be more open, generally, to trying new things. It feels much safer to do that now because of the connection and the intimacy that we have created, so we have been able to push our boundaries further.
The influence of others
I think that other people have also been influential to us. Discussing aspects of D/s, as we do each week at the SWC, has meant that we find out a lot about what others are doing and can ask about the thoughts, the feelings, the pitfalls and the pleasures, so it makes us more receptive, again by increasing our confidence. We have made a lot of friends, not just through chat but also through blogging and commenting which has allowed us to peek into the lives of others, and make us more receptive to trying some of the things that they are writing and talking about.
Ultimately, whatever we do, has to be agreed and there is always a lot of discussion around new things and things we find challenging. The support is there, as well as the encouragement so this has allowed us to really grow and develop as a couple, as well as individuals. Being receptive to new things has been a big part and it has become easier as our communication grew stronger and our trust grew deeper. I think that for this reason, it is something that will continue, and who knows where we will be in a year from now.
I have linked this post to Brigit Delaney’s Erotic Journal Challenge where her monthly theme is Receptive. Please click the badge to visit her site, find out more about the project, and hopefully, add your own entry.