Being receptive through Dominance and submission

I would like to think that I am a receptive person. I like learning and prefer to be moving forward in terms of growth and development. Sometimes I think that anxiety can stop me from being as receptive as I would like to be to some things though. I can over think and feel safer with the status quo than with change and can worry about the outcomes, which I suppose comes from fear of the unknown. I can deliberate over things, pouring through every eventuality and talk myself out of something which might actually have been good for me.

Being in a D/s relationship has helped me to be receptive in a number of ways

Living in a power exchange

The most obvious thing is the fact that our power exchange is a lifestyle. This means that many areas fall under our agreement that I will submit and follow HL’s lead. This has not always been easy for me and it has required trust, but with careful communication, we have made it work for us. We will discuss things at length and my opinions and thoughts are always heard and taken into account. That being said, HL’s decision is final and I am accepting of that. This would not work if he were bullish and inconsiderate, but he is not, so it does.

This has meant that when my natural response might be to pull back, he has been able to push me on a bit. Not push me over the edge, but push me to the point where I am able to cross boundaries and barriers that I have, very often, created inside my own head. This has been freeing in many ways and has allowed me the sort of growth that you can only get from experiencing things which lie just that little bit beyond your comfort zone. This has not just been in a physical or sexual sense, but in other areas of life too.

Knowing that I have his support and backing has been vital and it has made me braver, more confident and more able to face things that I would have shied away from in the past. Feeling that you are part of something bigger than yourself is always a good motivator for the positive self talk that you need, and it helps to keep a good perspective on things. At the end of the day, whether something goes as expected or not, I know that he has my back and that I have his, so it makes us a team who can take on more together than in we could safely do in individual parts.

A more receptive outlook.

I have also learnt not to close things down. Prior to D/s I was quite focussed on what I could and couldn’t do. I worried a lot about what others thought and sought approval. I still have these tendencies, but we work hard with them. Leaving that self control behind, as I do when I am in a submissive headspace, has allowed me to be more open and receptive to things that I might write off usually. The outdoor photography was one area where it worked like this. Our attendance at certain kink events has been another.

Over time, I have learnt to never say never. I have done things, for sure, that I never thought I would. We have worked out way through most of the soft and many of the hard limits that we identified initially. This has been a slow process, of course, but we have both become more receptive to new ideas as we have grown in confidence and experience. Sharing you inner thoughts and desires is quite scary at the start, but once you do and things are out in the open, it feels much easier to give some of them a go.

I have found myself considering things such as play with others, and although it is not something we have done, I am far more receptive to the idea than I would ever have thought before. Being more open about our fantasies with each other, has allowed us to be more open, generally, to trying new things. It feels much safer to do that now because of the connection and the intimacy that we have created, so we have been able to push our boundaries further.

The influence of others

I think that other people have also been influential to us. Discussing aspects of D/s, as we do each week at the SWC, has meant that we find out a lot about what others are doing and can ask about the thoughts, the feelings, the pitfalls and the pleasures, so it makes us more receptive, again by increasing our confidence. We have made a lot of friends, not just through chat but also through blogging and commenting which has allowed us to peek into the lives of others, and make us more receptive to trying some of the things that they are writing and talking about.

Ultimately, whatever we do, has to be agreed and there is always a lot of discussion around new things and things we find challenging. The support is there, as well as the encouragement so this has allowed us to really grow and develop as a couple, as well as individuals. Being receptive to new things has been a big part and it has become easier as our communication grew stronger and our trust grew deeper. I think that for this reason, it is something that will continue, and who knows where we will be in a year from now.

I have linked this post to Brigit Delaney’s Erotic Journal Challenge where her monthly theme is Receptive. Please click the badge to visit her site, find out more about the project, and hopefully, add your own entry.

Erotic Journal Challenge

These are the posts I wrote for this year’s previous themes:
January – Mindful
February – Sensual
March – Curious

Posted in Submissive Journal and tagged , , , .


  1. I can relate to how anxiety can stop me from being receptive. And I can also relate to how a Domme can help me be more so, because they can push me on. I think boundaries are often in our heads, for everyone. It’s hard to step over them alone because they feel like our limit to us.
    It sounds so positive how you now have the outdoor photography and the attendance at certain kink events. This post was really interesting. I can relate to a lot of it and also feel like I’m still on that journey, but perhaps you never stop being on this journey. There is always something else one can open up to and perhaps that’s also what makes life exciting

    • I totally agree with you on the journey part. We are still learning and I think that in a long term relationship like ours it can go in fits and starts as life happens round about you. I often think that the more play based relationships might be more intense in terms of learning as you both have different experiences to bring where we are always learning together. I don’t know as I have only had this one sort. It is interesting though. I think our trust and commitment in/to each other is huge too and that can both help and hinder in terms of growth I think. Thanks for your comment – you have made me think about this more ?

      • I think the wonderful thing about D/s also is that you really have to make that commitment to each other and before you do you have to have talked about it, whereas in vanilla relationships it’s often easier to assume. And with all play that follows then it’s the same, I think? You need to keep checking and often reflection really helps speed up the process of learning so maybe that contributes? I definitely think the trust and commitment, what you’re saying, is such a big contributer! And same, you made me think too!

  2. There is something about letting go of control that is so powerful. Lately I have been in control too much, which also fed my overthinking a lot and I think it’s time to get back to let go of the control again. Thank you for reminding me of this.

    Rebel xox

    • I am pleased that it was helpful. I think the current change has left us focussed on the adapting to the changes being forced on us and it’s easy not to look at the changes we can make on the inside Things like this always cause a shift in our dynamic and I was thinking about that for the lockdown prompt. ?

  3. I agree on so much of what you say about how D/s can help us be more receptive. It’s that element of trust and safety at the base of a healthy D/s relationship that allows us to be open to pushing ourselves beyond our comfort zones (or allowing our Dom to push us, as the case may be). There are many things I have done that I never would have if He hadn’t encouraged it. In fact, there are many times when I wouldn’t even just sit down and relax if it weren’t for Him telling me to. I tend to overthink, overreact, and overwork. I’m a much more intense person than He is, and His solid, relaxed, Dominant demeanor is just what I need.

    • That makes so much sense Brigit. I wonder if we are a ‘type’ of submissive in that there are elements of our personalities which mean that we benefit from being managed in that way, although it is also something we try hard not to need by managing it ourselves. I had always expected to evolve into a different ‘type’ where the innate behaviour sort of changed but those tendencies remain strong and I need him to make me give up the control of them. ?

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