He had always called her Blue. She didn’t know why, it wasn’t her name, and when she had asked him he simply said it was because he might get lost in her. She smiled up at him, and as the feeling inside seemed to overwhelm her, she wondered really who would be lost in whom. But that was how it was with him. He seemed to occupy her mind, seeping into it and taking it over until really, she was Blue.
As time wore on, discerning her other self from Blue became more challenging. She didn’t care though; Blue was his and she was happy with that. She felt safe and she felt special and it was almost more than she could have imagined. Except, in some strange way, it was as if he had really been there in her imagining all along. He gave her all of those things she had never believed possible. He made her who was; she felt she had a purpose and that she belonged at last.
He seemed to bring out the very best in her too, and under his love and support, Blue blossomed. She no longer held back in the ways that her old self had done, embracing the opportunities that came her way and growing as a person. She became stronger to the world, and those who knew her could see the change. Behind closed doors she was different though – soft, pliable, submissive.
Over time they grew stronger, Blue and him, and at times she felt as id they were barely discernible. She felt as though she became a part of him, and as if the intimacy they shared meant that she existed purely to complete their connection. There was such a strong sense of belonging that it became an almost spiritual feeling, as if together, they made so much more than their individual parts.
And she was happy too, happier than she had ever been before. She felt her purpose and her meaning and each and every day seemed to open new doors of discovery and new levels of learning. She was at peace and the contentment in knowing who and what she was seemed to fill her, so that she needed very little else in the way of sustenance. Being Blue was it for her. She wanted nothing more.
After he was gone, it was hard for Blue to know what to do. He was her everything and she was his, and so things didn’t really make sense in the same way anymore. She did the things she had always done, of course, but they didn’t feel the same. The gap he left stretched between Blue and her life and she was never really able to find a way to walk it.
She did try. And others tried with her too, but the only thing she had that really made it all okay was the thought of him. His words came back to her and she let herself drift, leaving everything else where it had always been meant to be, and releasing herself into the blue of the togetherness which had always been there for them. She knew then, that even from the beginning, they had both both lost in each other.