Curves, Edges and Circles with no end

Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning

John Legend

When I thought about curves this was what came to mind and the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to fit what I wanted to say because it says a lot about how I feel about my relationship. We have been exploring D/s for 8 years now and 6 of those have been living it as a lifestyle choice rather than just as a bedroom thing. In this time we have watched ourselves grow closer and closer and I think that really that closeness and intimacy has come from giving all of ourselves to each other.

Curves and Edges

I think that when you live with a person for a while you end up seeing things that you wouldn’t have previously. There is no way to keep to only showing the best of yourself, you have to show it all. That is difficult to do and there is certainly a vulnerability in it, but in terms of creating a bond between you, showing your vulnerable side is important. What we have found is that this has really helped us to grow. We have supported each other in the areas where we feel weaker and have enjoyed the softness and the curves that we both have.

As individuals we are quite independent though, so we have had to cultivate the idea of us having needs which the other can then try to meet. It would come naturally to both of us just to try to make the most of what we have and to work with what we have got. We do it in different ways of course, but we do it all the same, so to try to rely and to use the other as a go-to has taken some work. Allowing someone else in to the deepest parts of you and your psyche is both concerning and thrilling at the same time.

There has been something special about sharing our darkest fantasies and innermost desires with each other. Pushing boundaries and exploring what lies at the edge of what we like has been such a strong connector for us. While our edges are bound to be different, there is an overlap for sure in terms of the kinky things that we would like to explore. As we have gone deeper into these various kinks, we have seen more of what each of us wants and understood more about the things which are there as positive triggers for the mental space that we chase.

This sort of growth, emotionally, sexually, mentally and spiritually has been so important for us. It has been a real driver and something which has meant that we felt it was worth fighting to maintain the dynamic when things were challenging. The peaks and troughs seem to be an accepted part within the community of couples living this lifestyle as we are, and so we have come to embrace them and that has been helpful. Knowing the different parts of each other has meant that if there were times less focussed on the play side, we could concentrate on the other parts.

Perfect Imperfections

I think that one thing we both had wrong when we entered into this dynamic was the idea of what we were supposed to be. I realised quite early on that there is no right or wrong and we moved away from those preaching the one true way, but it was longer before I realised that we would own out own brand of Dominance and submission, individually as well as a couple. I had my sights set on becoming better and better at submission, only to realise I was never going to be that type of sub.

I think the same was true for HL and he still can beat himself up over the fact he isn’t doing it as the books and the stereotypes tell him he should. But being the perfect this or that is not what it is about. All that matters is that you are the right version for you, and what that looks like is determined by the way that you spark off each other and the way that your personalities work together. I don’t need to be the perfect sub for the world, I just need to be the perfect sub for him.

Working as a team means embracing each other’s imperfections. It means supporting the other so that what might have been seen as a flaw actually becomes something you can work with rather than something you have to look past. I don’t want HL to be perfect. I love him as he is and was attracted to the quirks I saw in him as much as to the more traditional features that life would measure you by. I don’t want to change and shape him, I just want to love and enjoy him.

Circles with no End

I have always felt that when we were working well together, it is like a circle. My submission feeds his Dominance and vice versa. I realise that there is a structure to it which is maintained by rules and rituals but the purpose of those is really to maintain a mindset which focuses on giving. Putting the needs of the other before your own is something that works in a reciprocal way so each of you gives but receives in return. In this way there really is no end and no beginning. We become completely entwined in each other.

My day collar is an eternity circle. As many will know, the circle is often used to symbolize eternity as it has no definitive beginning or end, and, like a circle which has no gap, true love is also complete. It seemed apt in that way for my collar to be something which incorporated these ideas. While remaining individuals who can think and behave independently of each other, we also enjoy a togetherness which makes us, in some ways, barely discernible from one another.

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  1. “I don’t need to be the perfect sub for the world, I just need to be the perfect sub for him.”

    “I don’t want to change and shape him, I just want to love and enjoy him.”

    These two sentences stood out for me, as does the last one in your post. A wholehearted YES to everything you have written here! Each of our relationships are unique, and we should each do it our way, and be true to ourselves. Such a lovely post!

    Rebel xox

    • Thank you so much Marie. It is always good when others can relate to what you are saying so I appreciate the positive feedback ?

  2. I love those Legend lyrics and agree with what u say – a few people have tried to box me up and change me – not the way to go – it is wonderful u work so well together xx

  3. Oh goodness so much toxicity can come from being told how to do something that makes you feel like you aren’t doing it right. I think that is number 1 rule for anyone starting out, doing it your own way.

    • You are right PS and we really struggled. I am not a person who enjoys being told what I can and can’t do and should and shouldn’t be unless it is by someone who’s opinion I respect. ?

  4. I really enjoyed this. You summed it up so well in saying that you realised you owned your own brand. No book or online preacher is going to tell you what that is. Personally, I think it’s when you’re finally comfortable with being all of who you are with yourself, the other person and the dynamic – and you described that beautifully.


    • Aww thank you Melody. You are very kind. I am pleased that it made sense. Always so hard to get across with feelings like this ?

  5. So well said Missy. We too have had to let go of “those ideas” and become our own version of D/s for real life, marriage, and 24/7. Definitely complex, so we work to keep it simple.

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