I am funny about messing with time. There are things I would change, of course, if I had my time over, but I wouldn’t go back given the choice as I worry that it would affect other things. I think that if you mess with what is or what could have been, then the knock on to that could be bad. Although I have made mistakes, bad decisions and choices that didn’t work out, other positives have come on the back of that. My fear is that if I were to change one, I might alter the other and so I prefer to leave well away and get on with things as they are.
One way that I do travel in time, is through emotional memory. This is something I have come to understand more recently and it seems to involve a surge of emotions from a particular time which are triggered by a current circumstance of some sort and the old emotions seem to piggy back onto the new ones forcing me back into the feelings of that time. It happened not that long ago and I struggled to understand why I was feeling some of the things that I was. Since then, I have been aware of it happening in other situations, although they are not all as overwhelming as that particular one was.
I guess I am not alone in experiencing life through my emotions. I think it is one reason that relationships are so important to me and I tend to overthink and imagine myself into situations. If someone suggests something which throws me, I try to identify what it is I am feeling by working forward and imagining myself into the situation and dealing with the concerns from there. This can put me off doing things actually as I can become quite emotional at the perceived feelings that I have, regardless of the fact that said thing has not actually happened.
On a positive note, I also believe that we can travel back and forth in time to positive emotions in the same sort of way. I think that we all have experienced that feeling of excitement that comes from anticiaption of something we are looking forward to; a holiday, a hotel night, a humiliation scene. The emotional memory works here too. Looking at these white cowboy boots I bought in Italy on holiday with HL can push me right back to the emotions that I experienced at the time.
I feel the excitement and the flush of carefree abandon encouraged by the lunchtime bottle of wine we shared in a lovely little restaurant down one of the Orvieto side streets. I feel free and horny and bowled over by the fact that I am living this life. And, like their less welcome counterparts, the positive emotions can piggyback onto current feelings and linger with a warmth which envelops me for quite some time. I feel overwhelemed by love in the same way that I can feel overwhelmed by the other feelings and rather than a feeling of helplessness and unease, I am safe and adored.
So while I don’t think I would travel in time, given the chance, I do get lost in my head and allow myself to revisit experiences and situations. It does feel like a time slip and although it is to an extent involuntary, it can be manipulated at times too. I think for strong emotions the brain wants us to do this. It is part of allowing us to deal with things and to process and move on so I try to feel that it has happened because it was meant to. I don’t fear it but try to use it to make me stronger or more focussed or to have a clearer perspective on something.