Number 15 on the calendar for us was ‘The fist of winter’. I have written about fisting before, and one post that I wrote quite recently was The hows and whys of fisting where I explain more of the nitty gritty to fisting. It also has links to some other posts which are more about what we both get from it. Although I am glad that I have tried fisting and sometimes, it really does hit a spot, it isn’t something that we do often and for good reason.
I did explain in the other post that the size of HL’s fists make it quite the feat but, as well as that, I have to be in the right place physically and psychologically. For me it feels intense and so I want to experience it when I have the need for something intense. The majority of the time that is not how I feel. I like pleasure and I like pain and I like intensity but I like them all on a sliding scale and it different combinations and amounts.
I know that this sounds like a nightmare for planning but I don’t think it is really. There are lots of things that will always work and I will always be able to manage. There are some things, call them the things on the edge, that can require a little more from me. Basically if I am not super relaxed and super needy then fisting is not really going to work. It is something that we might still do but it won’t elicit the sort of response that it can do at other times.
When we started out experimenting in BDSM, everything was shiny and new. It was all exciting and nearly all of it got a good reaction. Once the thrill of the kid in a sweet shop sort of scenario had worn off, we were left with more considered discussions about the sorts of play that we wanted to pursue for whatever reason. Fisting would be one of the sweets that I would choose only now and then. It would confuse me slightly why I liked it as it wouldn’t be my usual flavour, but occasionally, I would feel the urge for it and be drawn to it.
To continue the metaphor, if fisting was a sweet in the shop, I might be looking and wondering what to choose when someone hands it to me and says to have a bite. This is kind of how it works. Either because I know that I have a need for some intense play, or else because HL builds me up to is, so I don’t start out looking for it, but suddenly it seems to have happened. For this reason I think that planning a fisting scene is hard. It seems be more effective to go with it when the mood and the circumstances seem right.
I need to check with HL about what he thinks as he is more the driver with fisting as a kink than I am. He gets something from it in terms of the physical control it gives him over me, so it is possible that he plans it and I just don’t realise as it feels natural. Last night was clearly planned and, as such, it didn’t work as well as it has done other times when it has felt more spontaneous. I think I was in the mood for something soft and gentle rather than the rip me apart intensity of the big fist of winter!
To see the other posts in this series, please find more links on D/s Advent Calendar 2019