Listen, doo dah doo, do you want to know a secret?

I am a middle. That is not the secret as I have posted about it here, here and here.  Middles are not talked about much really. They seem to be the less popular cousin of the little or the babygirl, if it is possible to be less popular. I think that probably they are even less well embraced than the pets (the puppies and the kittens) but they are a group none the less. And I am part of that group. In truth, more people might identity as being middle if there was not the stigma around so many of the DD/lg labels that there seems to be.  And for anyone who doesn’t know what a middle is, I would define it as being someone who slips into a headspace which is suited to a younger person. Where a little tends to regress into behaving in a childlike way, a middle has more of a teen mindset.

As with littles and pets, this mindset can be used as part of sexual play, or it can be separate to that. For some it is one or the other and for others it is both. For me, it can be both. It is one part of being submissive and it comes from letting go. I don’t always find it easy to submit and the climate has to be right in order for it to work well, but tapping into the younger more carefree and silly side of myself, is one of the things that helps me to get there. It is not really about giving up control as I agree to do that as a sub anyway, it is about ignoring those adult responsibilities and just being me. I suppose it feels exhilarating not to care about the big things and to be able to focus on the smaller things for a while.

This fits into our D/s because I can only do this when I feel safe in the knowledge that HL is doing the adulting. I need to know that he has control and that he is taking full responsibility. He is a nurturing and caring sort of Dom anyway so this works well for both our personality types, and in reality, when you both spark off each other, me being silly allows him the freedom to be sillier himself too. He doesn’t squash it, he embraces it, and in doing that we find another part of ourselves where we can connect and have something that belongs just to us. Another secret, I suppose. Although I would say that I am submissive 24/7, I am not in middle space all of that time. It is much more something that comes and goes depending on me and us and the mood and the circumstances.

Now that I have written all of this I realise that to many this is still a secret. But then so is my D/s lifestyle, my kinky escapades and the existence of this blog and the other sites that I am part of. So really a lot of my life is secret to some. The middle part is not something I have told anyone in my real time life. That is something which is online only and I think that it will pretty much stay that way. It has to be a secret really as there would be no value in telling people who wouldn’t understand or people who would judge negatively. I have no reason to share and so it remain something that is private. If that changes and I ever meet someone who I think may gain something from knowing, then I would choose to share but I can’t imagine who or what that might involve.

So back to secrets and the point of the post. I love secrets and that is part of my middle side. I love to own a secret, to revel in it and enjoy it. I like swapping secrets with others in an I-will-tell-you-mine-if-you-tell-me-yours sort of friendship exchange. Trust is build on secrets: the swapping of information which is personal and sensitive to you and  the keeping information safe which is personal and sensitive for others. This is how friendships are forged, and how well you do at these things often determines how good a friend you are perceived as being. I love people. They are my interest area and so knowing things about them is something that is significant for me.

As a middle I like to find out secrets. I like to know things and share things. I like to regress to the sort of mindset where, as a teen, I could focus on things which now seem too small to be worth bothering about or too insignificant to prioritise time on. I like to watch movies with others and eat snacks, I like to spend time experimenting with my hair and makeup and doing my nails, and I like to chat to friends and swap thoughts and secrets. There are lots of other things that go along with my middle space as you will see from the posts linked above, including a little bit of cheeky boundary pushing. Essentially, though, it is about tapping back into the younger me, who is waiting there just under the surface for an opportunity to have fun.

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  1. Lovely post, I can relate to enjoying secrets (ruby can anyway, she also likes gossips) but never thought about it in this way. I love your insights missy.

  2. I loved this Missy. While I’ve never found myself setting into either a Little or a Middle identity, I really do relate to the reasons others folks identify that way. My favourite bit thought was this … ‘I love secrets and that is part of my middle side. I love to own a secret, to revel in it and enjoy it. I like swapping secrets with others in an I-will-tell-you-mine-if-you-tell-me-yours sort of friendship exchange.’ I absolutely feel this and probably could never have articulated why I like those exchanges, but reading your post was a little bit of a light bulb moment x

  3. It is funny as when I was a child I adulted all the time – But as an an adult it gets tiring so I can understand the fun side of being a middle and indeed I think I indulge in that now and then without calling it anything. Interesting post Missy – made me think x

    • I think we can lean towards that together sometimes too. It feels quite good to regress sometimes and not to have to do those responsible things but my need to feel control always means I can be too sensible so it’s a good escape for me ?

  4. I must say that I’d never really considered the idea of a middle. But it makes a good deal of sense as a way to enjoy care free time. I can see it as a great adjunct to sub space. Amazing the new stuff one learns from these prompts.

    I hope that HL is safely back home


    • Thanks Melody. I think for me it makes it easier to submit when I am in the ‘teen’ headspace. It is the time I identify as being most like the natural me before I felt I had to be what others needed me to be if that makes sense. I love being the mum and the wife and the teacher but sometimes I just want to be the wilder sillier more carefree friend. There is a sexual side to that too and perhaps I will try again to write more about it now that it feels more settled in my head. ?

  5. This made me think, as in some aspects like work and parenting I adult perfectly, in many others like bills and finances and food and other household logistical important things I can’t adult at all well and find it all very overwhelming so C does all that for us. Like May said, as a child I adulted way too long and way too hard so think I used some of it up when I should’ve been busy childing and middling. Whilst I can sometimes tap into younger parts and middle parts they’re not comfortable for…reasons, but I wish I could more as I know how freeing they can feel. I do love girly friend nonsense and secrets and gossip though and that opens middling stuff up in a very different way than sexually or dynamically.

    • Thanks kis. I think it can be really complicated when childhood has not gone according to plan and can see how that could throw unwanted feelings back up. There are lots of parts to it I guess and as you say, it is about feeling comfortable ?

  6. This was lovely missy! I mentioned my secret of missing my little side and here you are sharing your middle! I matured at a very young age and I think that is why I enjoy my little moments more now. I do love the secret sharing gossipy part too ?

  7. I like the point about trust when you know someone’s secret. I think that’s why we can strangely feel close to those we only know online because we share the D/s secret. I don’t know much about being a middle, but I do like the thought of going back to a simpler time in life with less responsibilities. Is that just D/s or am I discovering something more? Hmmm…

    • How knows but I would recommend exploring and discovering whatever guise that comes under. I feel close to people online too. I think it is the openness and the lack of judgement. There aren’t the same social rules and restrictions somehow ?

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