I get by with a little help from my friends

I have always enjoyed having friends in the real world and for a time, when I was unhappy in my former marriage, friendships were what I focussed on and what kept me going. I was a bit of a party girl, hosting events and organising get togethers and dinners whenever I could. My house was always full and most weekends there was some sort of entertaining taking place. I was disappointed really when I separated from my husband as suddenly all those people seemed to be around me much less. It confused me a bit. I had always been one to put myself out for other people; I didn’t do that in order to get anything back but it did surprise me that when I was the one in need, none of them were really there for me.

I have wondered why and concluded that perhaps I was a threat. Perhaps I threatened their stability in a way which made them want to keep me at a distance. If it could happen to us, it could happen to them so better to ignore me and continue in their own glass houses than reach out and offer some support. Since meeting HL, my life has been more focussed on family and work, and the people I have been closer to have fitted pretty much into one of those groups. My need for friends is far less great than it was. HL is my rock, my soul mate and my everything. We enjoy doing things together and spending time together and so I have not pursued friendships in quite the same way that I did when I was younger.

What has happened is that I have made lots of online friends. These are my kinky like-minded D/s friends and they have played a big part in my life. Not only do they offer me the everyday support and camaraderie that comes from regular friendships, they also offer me advice and understanding and encouragement around the new areas that being in a full time D/s relationship brings. I have written before about these online friendships and their value to me. I see now that was quite some time ago and although my circle has widened, these people are still really important to me.

There is an openness and an honesty about these relationships that was always lacking in many of the vanilla friendships that I had. I am not sure how or why this occurs but it means that they feel much more rewarding than I have experienced before. The seem less weighed down by convention and more direct. We are able to talk about anything and everything and there is an acceptance and an understanding that is often not there in other settings. There is a lack of judgement despite the fact that they may be sharing their own views and opinions readily.

I have relied on these friendships to get me through tough times. Being in a full time D/s relationships is not always easy. It requires constant effort to keep on track and being involved with others can help with that. At times where I might feel I could walk away, an encouraging word or  shovel load of empathy can keep me feeling that I am not alone and I am not a failure and can help to put things into perspective for me. I don’t want to get into listing the people who I count on as friends and I think they know who they are. Some I have met in person and some remain in my virtual pocket, but they all matter to me.

I guess that even while there is a common thread in the types of things we all enjoy, I still have different people who I talk to about different things. I have people on whatsapp and viber and hangouts. I have people on twitter and some who I email and others who I text. I have many who I chat to online at The SafeworD/s Club, and really without their support, the club would not be there at all. I have people I have known for the last 5 years and others who I have met much more recently, but they all have taught me different things and I am thankful to them for that.

I think that often the value of being able to share with other like-minded people can be vastly  underrated, but for me, it is worth its weight in gold. Online friends are just as valuable to me as real-life friends, if not more so, and although I know there can be fear around the risk, I feel it is a risk worth taking. For all the positive encounters I have had, there has only been one time that I have been mislead and been seriously hurt as a result. I would not swap my virtual world for something more local, and although I would love to be able to catch up over a glass of wine on a Friday night with many of you, I am content with the way that things are.



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  1. If there is one thing you are not, it is a failure. I am really encouraged by your take on virtual friendships. The ones that I have, I often feel I’d like to keep as virtual ones. They can be more honest, more direct. My real world friends are important, but I don’t share with them what I can share online. If online friends turn into real world ones, I fear I lose something. I agree with you – they can be worth their weight in gold. Thanks for sharing!!

    • I feel the same as you I think. Although when I have met people in real life from online it has never lessened things and I think it has helped things to grow ?

  2. Ditto! I’d hope we’re in that list somewhere…and maybe a glass of wine one Friday night will be a future reality (whether it be in Scotland, the Caribbean, or a Mediterranean villa?).

    • Yes you are. I have really enjoyed getting to know more about you and your dynamic on here and over at the club. I know that HL has enjoyed speaking with HQ too ?

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