public play

Public Play

Public play is something that we both find quite interesting and therefore, it might seem strange that we  have not done more of it. Although we have had a couple of opportunities and have give it a go, it is not something that has become much of a feature of our relationship, and there are a couple of reasons for that. There are also several things that mean that public play is something that we would like to do in the right circumstances, so this post will focus on why we would like to play in public and why we haven’t or don’t.

Why play in public?

One of the reasons for us is to watch and be watched. I always think that you can learn a lot from others and it is interesting to see what other people do. This is part of the attraction I guess, and wherever there is somewhere for us to play, there are likely to be others playing there too. In terms of being watched, I think that it taps into HL’s exhibitionist streak. While I don’t really have an exhibitionist in me like he does, being exhibited does hit some of the humiliation buttons that I like him to press, so it can work well in that sense.

Another of the reasons why public play is something that we would like to explore further is that where there is a play party or event, there is usually some equipment. While we have lots of toys, a suspension point and the play bench which HL made, that is about it. To be able to use pieces of furniture designed specifically for purpose is a bit of a treat so that is another plus. We are also limited at home as to the level of noise and the length of time we can scene for as we pretty much have family at home all the time, so attending an event somewhere certainly offers opportunities that we wouldn’t usually get.

Being able to meet other people who are like-minded has always been of interest to us and where there is a kink event, there tends to be some interesting people. We are not involved in our local scene and have pretty much limited our kinky interactions to online, so if we were able to attend a public play event, it might allow us to meet other people in person who share some of our interests. This has happened when we have been at things so far and it would be nice to be able to build on that by going along to something on a more regular basis.

So why haven’t we jumped right in?

Finding the right event can be a challenge. We are not well placed geographically, living in quite a rural area. That means that there is always travel and hotel stays to add into the bargain. This has held us back as it has not been possible financially or in terms of the time we have. Events in Scotland tend to be held in Glasgow or Edinburgh and are also subject to Scottish law which means that there can be no nudity (even to show a nipple is forbidden) and there can be no sexual acts. This limits play for us greatly as our play is very sexual. If you are into impact play for itself then it would probably work well, but for those of us who like some sensual touch to add pleasure to the pain, it tends not to be so good.

It’s not that we haven’t tried because we have. And at the time it was good for what it was, but it wasn’t something I would be rushing to do again. I felt a bit like it was spanking for the sake of it and a better time was had afterwards when we were finally able to throw our clothes off and be alone. The play spaces were small and limited and, even watching others, there seemed to be a lack of the connection that I had hoped to see. I guess for some it is a thing, but I left feeling that really, it was not so much of a thing for me.

Because there are less people here, the events held tend to cater for a wider range of tastes. This is great but it also means that the chances of meeting others who are in a similar sort of dynamic are limited. We like the idea of the CM/nf (Clothed Male naked female) events for this reason, but for obvious reasons, these are not held in Scotland. We could travel to England as there seems to be a lot going on in the midlands, and around London, but they seem to be held mostly on a Sunday during (our) term time, which makes going along virtually impossible.

Perhaps I have been spoilt but the image of clubs I read about in erotic fiction, but when we did attend an event south of the border, I was disappointed.  The play area was in the centre of the room and consisted of a few stations where you could queue to use the cross, or the bench or whatever else was there. It was very public as it was the dance floor and most people stood around, drinking pints and chatting to those they were with, oblivious and unimpressed by the displays taking place in front of them. There seemed to be a time limit to accommodate those eagerly queuing and it was pretty cramped for any real aftercare to take place.

We had planned to play there but it just didn’t feel right. Again, it felt like we would be doing something for the sake of it, or because we had the opportunity and should.  The high class club of my dreams was far from the reality of this venue and I was glad when HL told me that he really wasn’t feeling it and asked if I would be disappointed not to give it a go. There was a highlight in that another couple kindly allowed us to watch their needle play and, although tucked away in a very hot back room, it was well worth it and something we were both inspired to try it, once we were safely back within the confines of our bedroom.

So where are we now?

I wanted this post to be about the thrill and the excitement and the edge that public play adds for us and I feel disappointed that it has not turned out like that. I can’t say that we have given playing in public a good go, due to the reasons above, and there is something still that makes me want to keep trying as I do think there would be something there for us. Where exactly that is, I am not sure at the moment, and whether to not we are able to get there is another thing. I live in hope!

We often use the idea of being watched by others in the scenes that we have and it does add a layer to what we are doing, even if only in fantasy. We also use the inadvertent audience to add excitement and thrill when we are out in public and that works well with my liking for erotic humiliation. All of this leads me to believe that we are not done and that this is an area which we will continue to explore, even if playing at organised events moves more slowly that other areas of our relationship and other the kinks that we are interested in.


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  1. I’ve always been interested in public play, when it was broached to me when I saw a “b&w” posed scenario, I realised I wanted to try it, yet not with mindWizard.

    I enjoyed reading your different visits. I’ve been asked to be a “rope bunny (?)” Model at a peer rope group.
    You’ve given me a fresh perspective

  2. It’s great that you want to keep trying, regardless of the negetive experiences and the barriers you have faced. It certainly is intriguing, but like you I think the fantasy could overshadow the reality. Would love to hear in the future if it changes.

  3. I’ve not as yet been to a public event, for many of the same reasons you face, I am still very keen too though. I think initially it will statisfy the voyeur streek in me, but also like you to meet like mined people. I did not know bout the nudity restrictions here in Scotland, I will take note.

    • Yes it is a bit rubbish really. We went to Torture Garden in Edinburgh but I know even the events catering more for play have the same restriction. ?

  4. Missy,
    I sincerely hope you and HL have a chance to realize some of your fantasies. As a relationship evolves, the idea of taking it to the next level can become more important. Also the idea of meeting people with the same interests as you and your husband is natural and even beneficial. As far as the law that limits nudity, it seems outdated when you are considering consenting adults in a private locale.

    I would love if you could tell me a few of your favorite authors, Missy!


    • Thanks Ella. Re the authors I will have to have a think. I don’t get to read much these days apart from the posts from the bloggers that I subscribe to. Don’t seem to have the time for a good book lol

  5. I think similarly to us, your location may be a big factor – and for you, Scotland’s morality laws add an additional consideration. If you have to plan and travel, often at fair expense, then getting there and finding out setting, environment, your headspace, etc isn’t what you expected or needed, the disappointment would be an inhibitor to wanting to do it again. However, I sense, given the right venue at the right time, HL’s exhibitionist streak combined with your humiliation bent, could be the keys to you finding your public play niche … nj … xx

    • Yes I think so Nora. I definitely think we would both enjoy a CMnf event so hopefully one will pop up soon which is somewhere we can get to ?

  6. I would love to explore some public play as that would feed my erotic humiliation and exhibitionist fantasies! But like you, it’s not an option locally. And like you, one of our biggest constraints is the threat to my job and our public life. I guess the only hope is a “private public” play in a villa with other like minded SWC folks. ?


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