Despite the fact that I wear a day collar all the time as a symbol of my submission to HL, we use collars and cuffs less these days than in the past and, thinking about it now, this is something that I would like to change. The collar I wear during the day is a silver circle which represents the power exchange between us, but it is a necklace so is not suitable for play. I like it because it means something to us, but it would not be instantly attributed to our lifestyle by anyone who was not in the know. I have worn the collar and cuffs pictured above out before, but that tends to be if going to events where that sort of attire is part of the outfit.
We have a few sets of collars and cuffs which we use for play and these will be something that HL selects at the time. We use wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs and also thigh cuffs, which I really like. These are ideal if he wants to secure me in a certain position and are particularly handy when we are using the play bench. Recently he also installed a ceiling suspension mount (pictured above) which means that he can either suspend me, or suspend parts of my body using a spreader bar, which he then connects to my cuffs. Visually these things work really well for him by helping with his headspace, and they are similar for me because I feel much more vulnerable when immobilised.
We have also used the collar as part of predicament bondage and HL has secured various chains and connectors through the D rings on the collar and has attached them to other parts of my body, for example to nipple clamps. He has used the anal hook in the same way which means that whenever I move my neck, other parts of my body will be aroused and stimulated. This is something that we have also done using the various cuffs that we have and really, if depends how complicated you want the system to be, and how evil your Dom ideas are, how, when and where you use it.
We don’t tend to use a collar for night time as we have teenage children in the house and it would cause too many questions if seen. We did switching collars as part of our daily ritual, but again, for us it didn’t really work well. It became problematic so the day collar is something that I will put on myself each morning and remove each evening. I would like to extend the symbolic use of wearing a collar and cuffs at other times when it would not matter as much if it was identifiable in terms of its significance; when we are away for the weekend together, perhaps. This is something that we have discussed and hope to do more of in the future.
Another thing that we have talked about building on, is our use of Collar Time. This was something we introduced a while back so that we could have times when we slipped more easily into a higher protocol dynamic. For a number of reasons, we have not really made as much use of this as we would like to, so it is definitely something for us to work on. When we first talked about it, it was a way of extending a more M/s style dynamic outside of the bedroom, but in reality, circumstances meant that most of our play more recently has been confined very much to the bedroom, so it has not really developed as far as we might have liked it to.
For me, wearing a collar and cuffs definitely makes me feel more submissive, and although I have become so used to my day collar that it is just another part of me, I would not like to ever leave the house without it. It is a little like wearing my wedding ring which I see as a sign of my commitment to my marriage to HL. In the same way, my collar signifies my commitment to our power exchange and the D/s lifestyle that we have agreed to follow. So for practical reasons as well as emotional ones, a collar and cuffs have significance for us and for our relationship.