Pleasure and subspace

Pleasure and subspace

For me, deep submission brings pleasure at its ultimate. It is a letting go of myself and the freedom that comes from that. My need for control means that actually I don’t seem to get properly lost in pleasure unless I have given control of myself up completely. I need to feel the sense of abandon which comes from giving in and allowing myself to exist in a space where I respond entirely to someone else. That is not to say that I don’t find lesser things enjoyable, or get any pleasure from them, but the deep and consuming sense of ultimate pleasure where I am able to float on my ecstasy and just enjoy feeling what I do, is something else all together. 

The space where it feels like ultimate pleasure for me is subspace. I have often felt confused about subspace and for a while thought that I didn’t feel it at all. What I came to see is that we are all different, and for me it felt different than the way others described, and also from what I had read about it. I expected a feeling of flying, that I would soar over mountains and feel as if I were part of another world. I waited but this never came. We experimented with the endorphins which would be produced as my body’s response to pain, but that didn’t really take us there. For me, pain does not elicit the letting go which comes from pleasure, and pain alone or pain that intense ceases to be pleasurable for me. 

Realising this made it easier of course. We were able to stop chasing something that would never come and focus on the things that made us happy and brought us the greatest pleasure. Finding subspace through extreme and prolonged periods of physical pleasure was the result of our first real scene. It was a forced orgasm scene orgasm scene and it allowed HL to push my body in a way that brought about the letting go of my mind.  For the first time ever, I lost control completely.  I stopped thinking and just responded to the sensations I felt, without consciously processing them. 

I went beyond the part where I make sense of things, to a place where I no longer cared and was too consumed for rational thought. I lost control of my body and its responses in a way I had not done before. It became truly his, and so did I. The sense of self is obviously an intellectual thing and so it wasn’t until after when I thought about what had happened, I realised that this was a big part. I lost myself to him, becoming almost part of him. That is how subspace is for me; a leaving behind of myself to become an entity which exists purely in the state of pleasure that he has created and controls. 

To see a World in a Grain of Sand

And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,

Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand 

And Eternity in an hour.

William Blake

I don’t fly but I do drift. I don’t soar over mountains but I do lose sense of space and time. I don’t feel that I leave this world and enter a different one but I do feel that I leave behind everything that roots and grounds me in my life, and exist in world which is only about him and what he is doing. The only thing that matters is that moment in space and time. I suppose to compare it to seeing the world in a grain of sand would be appropriate because it is a bit like everything slows down and becomes magnified. The real world is gone and it is only about us. We are all that matters and being driven by the pleasure I feel from what we he is doing, allows me to be free from anything and everything but him and being his. 

As we learn to shift our intent from controlling and not being controlled, to becoming loving to ourselves and others, the heart opens and joy is the result. Deep and abiding happiness and joy are the natural result of operating from the spiritual values of caring, compassion and kindness.

Margaret Paul, PhD.

This sort of subspace is not to be confused with finding a submissive headspace, which can also lead to a letting go and a sense that I exist only for HL. The submissive space comes about, not from a physical stimulus, but from more of a mental one. It is about pleasing him, meeting his needs, and the pleasure that ultimately I will get from doing that and being his in that sense. It also comes from the feeling of ownership or possession that he has of me in an emotional sense, which arises from the vulnerability and need that I have for him. It comes from the feeling of being known intimately by another person.  

While this space can be accessed separately, it is often the result of the connection that comes from a scene, so it can be related. The key or trigger for me, is often linked to erotic humiliation which can arouse me but also push me into a place where I have to let go of myself. This comes about because of the cognitive dissonance that it causes which forces the letting go. While it feels quite different to the subspace derived from physical pleasure, the submissive headspace accessed by the intellectual connection is no less powerful than the physical one. To be able to have both leads to a deep and strong emotional bond. 

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  1. Yes I am like you in this respect – I don’t soar but I do drift. I think when I was a lot younger I had the capacity to soar if I had found the right man to propel that but sadly I didn’t. x

    • I have gone to the point of being floppy etc and feeling like I am not part of my body but wouldn’t say I had flown lol

  2. Missy, I liked how your comparison of “subspace” and “submissive subspace.” It really clarified those 2 places. The quote from Margaret Paul is a good one, and I should put it up somewhere to remind me to make that a priority.

    One of my deepest examples of erotic humiliation happened when Sam told me that I had to exercise naked. He just sat back with a cup of coffee and watched. I kept chattering because I was nervous, but he told me to be silent. I have never forgotten that.


    • Thank you Ella. I can relate to finding the exercise humiliating. Then it’s even worse that it makes you aroused if they realise and point that out too! ?

  3. Pingback: Release and letting go – askmefast19

  4. This is really helpful Missy. I too have struggled with reaching subspace as others describe it. And what a great way to define and delineate submissive headspace. Well said!

    • It confused me for a while as I definitely experience two different spaces, both submissive but in different ways ?

  5. Subspace to me never was soaring over the mountains, but more a kind of ‘detachment’ from my surroundings, and a place where I felt pain but didn’t feel pain. A wonderful place to just… be.

    Rebel xox

    • Now that sounds more like it. It was very misleading although I am sure I would be shouting about it if I felt that I flew too ?

  6. I experience subspace as a floating feeling, somewhat similar to dissociation or trance. I find this really interesting, because there are so many different degrees of it to me. I go into subspace fairly quickly and become limp and just take whatever comes. I become dreamy. It is like I am almost passing out, but I am not passing out. It is hard to keep my eyes open though. I slip into subspace mostly through pain but i have also gone there with forced orgasms. Sometimes it is one punch and I am floating. Othertimes I don’t go there at all, even after hours of impact play and pain sensations. I find subspace to be the most wonderful place to be in, I feel free in submission when I am floating and the connection between my body and my mind just changes.

    • This is interesting. It doesn’t really happen for me with pain as I try to own it ams manage it instead of letting go and giving in to it but I can relate to the relaxed feeling ?

  7. I think I have mentioned before on your blog that I also wouldn’t describe subspace ( mine is reached through impact play- yours sounds more as floating. The way DiviantSuccubus describes it is more what I feel, like I am almost passing out, and also a detachment of self, dreamy. I would also go so far as to say afterwards ( if I don’t crash lol) I have an almost childlike view of the world. More like a deer in the headlights type thing. It then becomes much easier to reach my submissive head/heartset because the subspace brought on by the physical has ‘magically’ removed all walls, and ‘fears’ which often present themselves as resistance of self.

    • What you say at the end of your comment is really interesting willie. I haven’t really thought about having a more childlike view after but will have a think about that. It’s an interesting topic ?

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