We are at the centre. And that has been, and remains, our secret. Staying at the centre is a knack, that’s for sure, but it’s made easier by the structure and the routine that we have. We have both been in relationships previously where we weren’t at the centre, where the us that was there at the start gave way to other things which came in and took the focus. The result? The result was the slow chipping away of what we were, to the point where we really were pretty much travelling separate paths. In the end those paths were no longer heading towards the same destination, so there you are. For me, at that point, there seemed nothing to do but walk in my own direction.
What happens, happens to us
So as a couple, being the focus has always been the thing. What happens, happens to us. I know of course how big the world is and therefore in reality how insignificant we are. But feeling overpowered and insignificant really isn’t conducive to staying st the centre. So we make us important. In fact we make us key. It’s the HL and missy show really. Life revolves around us. And we spin our plates and juggle our balls, but we do it together. As any show we have episodes where we follow a pre-determined storyline, we may even have a guest star, but ultimately the plot is ours and it always end the same way. With us together, closing the door to the world. Goodnight, we will see you tomorrow.
It sounds simple, doesn’t it? And really it is pretty simple. Unfortunately life is not always as simple as we would like it to be of course, and some of the events are not what we would choose. They can absorb us and need our full attention. They can disappoint us or even hurt us. They can overwhelm us at times, and would likely derail us if we were to let them. And that is the advantage of being the stars of your own show; you are always there together and even when one forgets their lines or has a wobble, the other can step in and step it up, and so the show goes on, broken leg or not!
It’s good to talk
In fact it’s essential and good honest open communication is the key. This has to happen at regular intervals and has to he proper talking and listening. It’s the focussed undivided concentration type of communication where no topic is off the table. In fact all topics are actively placed on the table. If it’s in your head, it needs to be out there. What results is a closeness and connection that can be felt pretty much at all times. The vulnerability that you allow one other to see opens doors to how you feel and allows you to empathise and understand in a way that binds you together.
Put each other first
The other thing that we do is that we put each other first. And by that I mean putting the other’s needs before our own. Initially this felt quite strange but as the trust grew it became easier. We got better at believing that the other had our back which left us both free to concentrate more on each other. It started to feel easier and strangely there was more energy to spend once our emotional resources were channeled info the sort of destructive tit-for-tat than can come from the power struggles that begin when we aren’t clear about what our roles are. Being emotionally invested in us and in each other is the focus that we need to keep our relationship at the centre of our life.
Having more energy has also allowed us to be more adventurous. We explore with each other, something we do together, taking risks and chances and trying new things. Sometimes these work and sometimes they don’t but we always learn something and, again, that helps to bind us more closely and more strongly than would happen without the challenge and the thrill of growth. We aim to push boundaries together, whether that is something individual which requires support or something for us as a couple. We are constantly moving and adapting so we tend to draw others who matter in towards us, rather than having one of us having to move outwards away from each other.
Despite chasing the thrills of something new and surprising each other, we also have a lot of structure and routine which helps to reinforce the sense of us being the solid core around which everything else revolves. We are predictable in doing the things that we do; meeting each other’s needs, communicating openly, showing respect in the things that we do. We are reliable in terms of the level of care and attention that we show and attentive and highly attuned, illustrating as often as possible, how much the other matters in small and simple ways.
A strong theme of our show, of course, is the power exchange which makes our relationship D/s. This makes it easier for us to keep the structure and the formality that we need to make the above things happen, but we could do it without it as long as we kept us at the centre of our world. Different things work for different people and we are lucky we have found something that works for us, but at times the D/s elements are more and at others, they are less. What has always mattered was finding a way to be central to our own world.