Erotic Humiliation

More About Erotic Humiliation

Obviously I set the topic for TMA and so want to take part. But I am also aware that I have written a lot about erotic humiliation here already and that is because it is one, if not the biggest one, of my kinks. I suppose the way I experience things is more cerebral than physical and perhaps that is why humiliation works so well for me. Tapping into these sexual triggers is what makes all the rest of it work so well, so it is an area that we have really been exploring. I have learnt a lot so far about the relationship between my mind and my body and about why humiliation is key to me really letting go of control, becoming the ultimate trigger for my submissive headspace.

I don’t want to repeat what I have said before, so if you are interested then the following posts may be worth checking out:

Humiliation is a tricky thing to explain as no one likes to be humiliated in real life. Why would they? Then again, most people don’t like to be hurt either and yet within a BDSM relationship they may enjoy to be caned, paddled or spanked. The same is true of humiliation. Used in the right way, in the right context and by the right person it can be a powerful tool. It taps into our deepest insecurities in a way which makes us uncomfortable but also feels safe. It can peel us back and make us vulnerable while at the same time letting us know that we are loved and accepted for what we are, weaknesses and all. For me it is the ultimate paradox, and therefore hard to explain, but it seems to work none-the-less.

The things that HL does to humiliate me are always carefully considered by him. They aren’t cruel as he would not want to hurt me. Rather, he gently teases me, using the things which he knows that I like to keep hidden. There is always a sexual charge to this so he would not say things which were more general, but rather things which are linked to our play. For example, he knows that I am embarrassed by the way that my body seems to betray me, by those tell tale signs that I am enjoying what he is doing and that I am slowly losing control of my own responses. He knows that there are things we do which I feel embarrassed about enjoying, things which I find dirty or which make me feel uncomfortable.

Using humiliation is the ultimate in power play as far as I am concerned. Done correctly, it demonstrates not just the control he has of my body, but the control he has over my mind too. It is a conscious tipping of the balance of power as he removes the control slowly from me piece by piece, reducing me to the essence of what I am: his. The impact of this is huge, as is the connection that becomes its by-product. Although I have chosen to give up many elements of control to him, my self-control is linked to my conscious mind and to relinquish that feels like the absolute in surrender, for both of us. He is at his most Dominant when I am at my most needy and to lose myself to him, is when that need is at its pinnacle for both of us.

Humiliation is such a huge area to explore and it is experienced so differently for everyone. I think there are large elements of erotic humiliation in many aspects of D/s because it is built around a power exchange, and that lends itself to using language, actions and behaviour which reinforces a person’s position. This doesn’t have to be experienced as humiliation but often it establishes something which wouldn’t be desirable within a different context, so it does play upon those emotions. For me, the fact that he can pinpoint those often unspoken things which will make me twist and turn, making me feel that my weaknesses have been exposed, and then accept and love me for them, allows the slow unravelling of myself to be something which provides a deep attachment and connection to him.

Erotic humiliation is a difficult topic to write about and a difficult topic to explain. If it were something which could be learned then I think that would make it easier, but as it is, it comes from knowing someone and understanding the things that they keep hidden. It is a skill which is innate to the person and can appear so subtle that it is hardly discernible. It is born of the moment so to experience it often leaves you with a feeling of what just happened, followed by OMG that feels hot, to please do it again.  I am always left caught in confusion and feeling conflicted, whilst at the same time being highly aroused and desperate for more. Erotic humiliation really is my thing.

Please click to read the other posts this time for Tell Me About … Erotic Humiliation
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  1. Thank you for doing this topic, my own realisation that this is an area of kink that works for me has come from reading the posts on this TMA…. educational as always!


  2. As you say, humiliation is a very tricky topic to explain. What I’ve found very useful in this post and the #TellMeAbout links is to read how it works well for some people. That’s a contrast with my own knowledge and bias on the topic and helps keep the mind open.

    melody x

    • I think it is so important to find the right triggers otherwise it can be harmful. I guess as with any of it, it’s about finding the pleasure-pain. Thank you for reading and for your thoughts. I always like that there are differing opinions on things ?

  3. Nicely written post once again missy. It’s always great to get a perspection on a topic that is tricky from someone who can articulate themselves much better than I could.

  4. Thank you for breaking this topic down Missy. I find it so hard to write this piece as it is a trigger for me and not in a good way. I’m not sure I’m ready for the aftermath of the emotional labor it will take. Also I’m glad you linked in your other posts as emotional masochism is a huge piece of enjoying erotic humiliation. Very well written❤️

    • Thank you. I guess we are all different and so what it a turn on in a good way for one can be awful for another. I suppose the same is true of all types of play. It works for me better than anything else but I can see why it wouldn’t for others. ?

  5. You say “Erotic humiliation is a difficult topic to write about and a difficult topic to explain“ but I think you do it incredibly well!

    Anyway, this so completely explains me better than I could explain myself! I totally understand…which is no surprise. Those who get it, get it…and those who don’t, don’t. Thanks for all the resources you’ve created for others by writing so much on this topic.

    • You have explained erotic humiliation so well missy, you manage to unravel more of what it means and gives me a greater understanding from reading it. This is a fantastic post. ?

      • Aww wow. Thank you gem. It has taken me a while to understand how it works for me and I think we still have a lot to learn. Keep squirming ?

  6. I think you hit the nail on the head when you describe it as having your weaknesses being exposed and being accepted for them…and that leading to a deeper shared connection. Because they KNOW yiu that well…well enough to dig and prod just the right area of discomfort.

    • This is very true Brigit and for me there is something special aboard being known and being seen. I have spent so long looking for approval and hiding parts of me that it means a lot to be acknowledged and accepted like that. ?

  7. I tend to describe what works for me as ‘erotic embarrassment’ … as humiliation seems to be too strong a word for my brain … but as you often seem to do, MIssy, you are able to put into words the feeling that go on in my head :>) … nora … xx

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