Strength - Anais Nin quote

Strength and submission

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”  Anais Nin

The prompt for Wicked Wednesday this week is elaborate. The instruction is to  take a story you have written, or a short blog post, or maybe even a tweet and … elaborate.

I have missed being able to use the prompts due to my participation in the A to Z Challenge, so I was hoping that this week’s prompt would speak to me. When I first started my blog, HL and I already had a private one where we wrote things for each other, posted images etc. I suppose because of that, I included a couple of posts early on which were simply pictures with a statement. My style quickly evolved into posts which were more detailed, but seeing the prompt reminded me of an early post I had which was just an image and an announcement that we were having a medical scene that evening. This would have been ideal to elaborate on, but it was sent to the bin a week or so ago!

When I checked, I did find another post in the archives which was simply a quotation I had liked, so here goes with my elaboration. This is the post, and all it contains is a picture of the Anais Nin quotation which is at the top of this piece. It seems strange now that considering I had posted this in August 2016, I did not write My submission, His submissive, and the other kick-ass part that I don’t talk about until December of 2017. The realisation that my form of submission was never going to look like I had expected it would, came as a bit of a surprise, despite my earlier attraction to a quote which highlighted what I really felt I was looking for from D/s.

I was not, and I think I never will be, the demure and accepting person that I had anticipated with regard to my submission. It feels like I need to be dominated in order to fully submit. I will gladly submit, but I want to be taken. I love the thrill of the chase, the slow giving in, and undoing of myself. And I am turned on by the fact that HL can make me want the things that I don’t want to want. Having wrestled with myself for a while for not doing it right, and wondering why my thoughts wouldn’t fall in line with the way I felt they should, I came to the realisation not just about what I not, but also about the sort of submissive I am.

I always come back to the point that he wanted me before we started D/s. The woman he was attracted to initially was feisty, passionate, argumentative and strong, so why try to hide those qualities? When I look at our life together I can see that he is happy to champion me and push me to the fore with regard to my achievements. He is my biggest supporter and my greatest fan. He will stand back and let me shine if the occasion warrants it, and he will stand along side me when he wants to offer support or share in my success. By doing this he makes me stronger, he makes me braver, he gives me self-belief and value.

Realising that I could keep my strength and still be submissive was really helpful. I had felt for a while that it was counter productive and that the two parts, home and work, kind of detracted, rather than enhanced each other. It made me feel much better when I made sense of what I felt, and of how it worked best for us, and accepted how I was. And for us, it actually made the part when I was vulnerable even more important. It allowed me to show my vulnerability, to throw off some of my protective layers when I was with him, and to open myself up in ways that I hadn’t felt able to when I was actively trying.

Ironic that celebrating what I saw as my more dominant traits actually allowed the more submissive ones a place to grow, but that is certainly how it seemed to work out. He became my safe place, my refuge and my home. Prior to D/s I had hidden a lot of what I saw as my weakness, and in the beginning of D/s I hid what I saw as being my strength. So when I finally stopped trying to hide and became more visible, everything fell into place in a way which brought me a sense of calm and freedom and escape.

So nearly three years after first posting the quotation, I am able to elaborate and say that I am lucky to be with a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Please go and check out the other entries and see else is elaborating this week.

Posted in Submissive Musings and tagged , , , , , .


  1. That is a strong quote and I love your post too. If I’ve found anything it’s the BDSM has so many ways it can work depending on the dynamic and isn’t that beautiful? You just gotta find what works for you. 🙂

    • Yes I think that is the really great thing. I love finding out about how things work for others and feel I learn a lot from that 🙂

  2. This expresses me so well. Many would wonder how a strong, type A male could be a submissive. But a submissive can still be a strong person, even male subs. It’s all about creating a place where I can be vulnerable and explore feelings that have little or no place in my vanilla world.

  3. I have always been drawn to Nin, and this is a quote I used to have on my blog. I have a similar experience with submission. It doesn’t mean we are weak or meek or anything other than ourselves.

    • I haven’t read a lot but when I say this quote it sort of spoke to me. Funny that you had in on your blog too. Great minds. ?

    • Thanks Julie. It was great to find something that fitted to the prompts and nice to be able to write what I wanted so I really enjoyed it ?

    • Thank you gem. It was a good task actually as I would never have gone back I don’t think ?

  4. This is such a beautiful post and I totally understand how strong HL makes you, because he has your back, stands behind you, supports you, and allows your vulnerability. Beautiful!

    Rebel xox

  5. Love this post (and the linked posts as well) on so many levels, Missy … I wish I had read something like this 20 yrs ago … previous to 2017, I felt our bedroom only D/s dynamic could never be anything more, because my ‘strong’ personality in ‘real life’ wouldn’t allow it … how wrong I was and how much I still have to learn … nj … xx

    • You seem to have a lot of understanding already and I think we can always use the various parts of the journey to inform the present. I am learning so much all the time ?

  6. Love this post Missy! In any couple both partners should support and bring out the best of the other. But in BDSM couples, the dominant allows the submissive to give their submission while maintaining their strength!

    • That is how it works for us at least. Most of the submissive I know are very strong, capable and independent ?

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