When His Lordship first announced with some glee, that he had bought us a speculum, I must admit I was fearful. I think he was surprised because I had told him that I often thought about medical play, that it turned me on, and that it was one of my kinks. What I had meant was that I like feeling a bit helpless and vulnerable, and I had imagined a scene where I was deep in my submissive headspace while things were done to me. At that point my mind had not gone as far as thinking about using something like a speculum. although I had wondered what it would feel like to be held open while I came.
I tried to backtrack but he said it was too late as it had already been ordered. My experience of the speculum with regard to smear tests and so on had never been anything but uncomfortable, hence my fear. It is something I tolerate due to the necessity and sense of such examinations, but it is certainly not something I would ever choose or enjoy. I suppose my desire for medical play comes from the fact that it triggers submissive feelings within me. When this happens in an erotic way, during an erotic encounter then the acts become erotic themselves. If it doesn’t, then then they don’t!
I think this is something that confuses people about medical play. A medical scene can be arousing and a turn on, but it doesn’t mean that I am turned on by a genuine visit to the Doctor. I suppose this is similar to the way that an erotic spanking can be enjoyable within the right setting, whereas, to be slapped by someone in a vanilla setting would not bring me pleasure. The relationship and the context are everything and, if they are right, that can draw on desires which would otherwise remain dormant. That being said, I was still not convinced it would be possible to turn a speculum from something I hated into something I loved.
I am glad that HL was not deterred by my initial tactics to try to get out of trying the speculum. When I actually saw it, it was not the large piece of shining metal that I had envisaged. It was a pretty purple silicone tube shaped thing, which did not give me the fear at all. We played with it that night and I found that I really liked it. It spread me open in a way which made me feel completely exposed which is something that hits my humiliation buttons. We have since done this with a set of clamps and some fishing weights, but the speculum also goes inside so it feels a little different. Essentially it felt comfortable enough physically, but uncomfortable enough mentally, to be a real turn on for me.
I enjoyed the way he carefully slid it into me and the way that he stood back and watched me. It made me feel a sense of having been altered for him and it seemed to combine the unusual and slightly freaky, with the erotic. I imagined others looking on, sort of horrified as he enjoyed what I had become. It made me feel objectified, as if I had lost something of myself. I was also aware of the loss of control of my body as I twitched and tightened my muscles around this thing which should not have been there but felt so good. The fact that he stroked my clit and talked to me about how I looked and how vulnerable I was, added to the impact and soon I found that I was quivering out an orgasm, despite being son obviously on display.
We continued with medical play, sometimes using the silicone speculum and sometimes venturing into other things. We continued with the inspections and other roleplay where HL picked up on the theme of objectification and humiliation that I enjoyed. It was a while until he announced one day that he had purchased another speculum which he wanted to try. This time, it was the shiny metal variety that I had experienced at my local Doctor’s surgery. Again I felt the hesitation despite the fact that I had enjoyed what we had done so far. I felt I got the feelings I craved from the mental side of what we did and I wasn’t sure that this physical addition might feel too real and draw me out of that submissive space.
I was wrong again. I was already turned on from our pre-play inspection and from first part of the physical exam that my kinky Doctor had performed. By the time it came, the clinical nature of the cold metal being inserted into me, combined with the needy heat I felt inside, and meant that I was relaxed enough to accept whatever he chose to give me. As he slowly turned the screw, I felt myself being stretched in a way that had never happened during play before. Although I knew it was happening, it felt somehow distant from me, as if I were a little detached from my own body and it added to the mental submission in the way that I had worried it might not.
Open to the Idea
The feeling of being opened so wide for him was consuming and the physical totally enhanced the mental aspects that I already had from this type of play. Although speculum play isn’t something that either of us would want to do all the time, it does provide a pretty intense experience and so it is something that we have continued to experiment with. There are a number of ways we can use it which fit in with how my kinks work, so it doesn’t only lend itself to a medical scene. I recently wrote about a scientist and subject scenario where it would fit well, but it could also be part of other types of play where I am exposed in one way or another.