H is for humilation - cartoon where some people are naked in public

H is for Humiliation – April’s Submissive Training Journal

H is for Humiliation
If you had asked me before today whether or not I liked to be humiliated, I would have said no. Humiliation is the embarrassment and shame you feel when someone makes you appear stupid, or when you make a mistake, often in public, and who would want to feel like that? However, and it is a big one, when done in an erotic way, it seems that certain types of humiliation can be a turn on. I suppose this is not so strange when  you consider the fact that being humiliated leads to a feeling of being seen as ‘lesser’ in a social sense; it often means that you feel small or less significant. In other words, for many, it can make them feel more submissive.

I am a submissive. I enjoy feeling submissive and anything that makes me feel more submissive is good as far as I am concerned, so if I am with a Dominant who can humiliate me in a way which makes me feel more submissive to them, then that sounds good. What we learnt, though, it has to be humiliation that puts you in the right mindset. It has to create feelings which are negative and which pull on your insecurities but which are carefully balanced, and ultimately overridden, by an opposing feeling.

To be made to feel that you are insignificant works in a situation where ultimately you know that you are important to that person. To face the thought that you may be rejected can work when really you are confident that you are accepted. It made a lot of sense to me when I thought about it that way and it explained some of the feelings and the arousal I have experienced so far over things that also make me feel slightly uncomfortable. I think that, for me, humiliation is the prickling feeling of shame and embarrassment in situations where I feel I shouldn’t be enjoying something, but actually I am.

We are to explore these feelings further during our stay here, but as the way we all experience humiliation is extremely personal, we have been asked to highlight some of the areas we think might work. I am glad about this as they have explained how damaging this sort of play can be when it is done in the wrong way. Rather than hitting some of the positive triggers for sending you deeper into your submissive head space, it could actually trigger some of the negative feelings and experiences which would obviously be counter-productive.

What we have been asked to do it so identify four key areas that we would like to explore. After a lot of thought, mine are:

  • Being led on a leash, made to crawl etc
  • Obvious or visible use of a butt plug or tail
  • Being exposed and viewed / touched
  • Objectification – used as human furniture or decoration

I found this really difficult to do and most of the other students had left before I had finished my list. I feel conflicted about asking for things that I am embarrassed to want, but I do see that is the point and that this is the only way that I can push my boundaries. I noticed August was one of the last finished too and I felt better when I heard his list. He is definitely more daring and extreme than I am, so I can’t wait to find out how his suggestions are put into practice. With a flush in the face, I placed my list face-down on the table, and will just have to wait to see what tomorrow brings – eek!

* * * * * * *

If you are interested in reading more about this topic then you might want to read the posts Humiliation and The Thrill of Shame.

To catch up on other posts in this series please see April’s Submissive Training Journal
Or read last year’s letter H post for the A to Z blogging challenge: Head, Humiliation and Happy Ever Afters


Posted in A to Z Challenge 2019, Erotic Humiliation and tagged , , , , .


  1. I think you’ve done well to set the stage for what’s to come :>) … I wouldn’t have the same list but I understand some of what April speaks of … for me it is more about erotic embarrassment vs full on humiliation … although I think the first would be a subset of the second … nj … xx

    • I agree nj. Erotic humiliation is so complicated and so individual. I have been trying to pick my interest in it apart for quite a while now and still find it challenging. I think it can grow quite quickly too as you push your boundaries and become more comfortable with things. ?

  2. This is such a cool theme for the challenge – I really do think u should put them all together when finished, in some way. I let this guy pee on me once, that was humiliating but also thrilling and stimulating. I don’t really see myself as someone who is into that but at the moment it happened and with who made it right x

    • Thank you for all the encouragement and I will think about putting it together somehow. I think what makes it work is different for all of us. For some of is being called different things where for others that won’t work at all. It has to trigger something inside you like any of the positive triggers for kinks I think. It can be upsetting done in the wrong way though ?

        • I don’t think I do but I will note it down. I know that being called slut or whore does nothing for me for example, although it might for others. It doesn’t upset me though which can happen with some things. I suppose emotional masochism is like physical masochism in that you can end up being hurt too much so it’s not in a good way. Finding the balance is important and we tend to experiment with it gently and cautiously and with a lot of discussion before and after. I have lost of ideas for after I finish my A to Z marathon. ?

  3. Great post and topic. I like “erotic” humiliation. As you discuss, there is a difference between general humiliation and humiliation that arouses. It is important in humiliation play (emotional sadism) that the masochists understands your desires.

    • Yes I completely agree. We are still working our way through that as my triggers seem to be quite complicated and not easy to explain. There is a bit of trial and error. missy x

  4. Humiliation is such a weird one for me because usually it does nothing for me at all. But… but in the moment the right words can get me going so well. Right person using them and the right words used I guess.

    • Yes for sure. There are many things which leave me cold and yet, the right words as you say, I am burning ❤️

  5. This is the key area Queen and I need to develop. As a sub, humiliation is a big trigger and turn on for me. But due to her upbringing, it is a trauma for her and she struggles to understand it. I’d love to think about what my four would be! Hmmm…makes me wonder! I think this post will help spark some discussion for us.

    On another note, I love the pic since it’s only guys guys naked in front of the women and I really can’t wait to see what develops for August and April!!

    Great writing Missy!

    • Thank QH. I think that humiliation is one of the hardest to work out and to get right. Certainly for us that has been the case and, as it is one of my main triggers for submissive space, one that we want to explore further. I know that HL was reading a book he was finding helpful so perhaps he can pass on the details to HQ. I guess it has to be in her own time though, especially if it is an area which is not comfortable for her. 🙂

  6. Hi missy
    I too have had three of your four. And I also like your pic. CFnm is a kink of mine! And I agree with those who suggest you put these posts together in some sort of book form. You might be able to make some money!

  7. “It has to create feelings which are negative and which pull on your insecurities but which are carefully balanced, and ultimately overridden, by an opposing feeling.” You hit the nail on the head with that.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.