You know that feeling when you are looking at someone from across the room? Watching them and thinking about them and then they catch you? You glance away but your eyes are drawn back and you make eye contact again but your eyes lock this time? That happened to us. It happened a few times and then we spoke, but I have always felt that our eyes had spoken first. What they said was not made of words but it was communicated nonetheless. What had passed was a feeling which could not necessarily be verbalised, certainly not at that time, but it felt like magic, it felt thrilling and it felt like questions which wanted to be answered.
HisLordship has lovely eyes. They are kind and warm and blue. I never thought I would be with someone with blue eyes. I’m not sure why, just the law of averages I guess and the fact that I was usually attracted to people who had dark hair and therefore more likely dark eyes. He was different though. With blonde hair and blue eyes he broke my type, although by the time I met him the blonde hair had become a very closely cropped number three rather than the flowing locks I would have noticed. I noticed his eyes though and I noticed them more and more as I fell in love with him. I began to see things other than kindness in them.
When you speak to someone through your eyes, it has the strange effect of igniting your body. That can happen from words too of course, but there is something special about the intimacy of eye contact in that sort of situation. There is an excitement in being able to say something in this way. You know what you think has been said but you can’t ever be sure so there always a sense of mystery surrounding it. According to Shakespeare, “the eyes are the window to the soul,” and so when you are sexually involved with someone, the things that you see in someone’s eyes can lead to becoming highly aroused.
We first began to experiment with Domination and submission 7 years ago and not knowing very much about it, most of my ideas had come from reading erotic fiction with a D/s theme. Those stories told me that eye contact was something which should be controlled. It appeared it was disrespectful for a sub to look in the eyes of a Dom without permission. I get this. It is a form of control but for us it is not one that has ever worked on a daily basis. Being honest it didn’t even work when we were D/s in the bedroom only, never mind when we wove the power exchange through the rest of our relationship. But then we are not fictional and, as I discovered, the world of fiction contains a lot of anomalies.
So avoiding eye contact without permission was not workable for us. However, often when playing, I would naturally close my eyes as this helped me to focus on the feelings and become lost to them. HL would also often use a blindfold and tell me to keep my eyes closed at times, so it isn’t that we didn’t use this sort of control, it is just that it wasn’t like I thought it had to be. Actually being unable to see works really well for sensory play or for mindfucks as the loss of one sense will not only heighten then others but will also mean that you can struggle to make sense of what you are feeling and resort to your mind’s eye.
My mind’s eye is never closed. And even when my actual eyes are not looking at HL, in my head I will be seeing things from an altered perspective in a sort of snapshot type way. What he says will shape and form the things that I see and I may even see what he is doing to me, or be able to look into his eyes from there. Although there is a secondary level of eye contact, it is one which exists. It is much less predictable and doesn’t have to follow the usual rules of what you see but it means that we feel connected with each other, even in the darkness that shrouds the loss of sight.
Usually HL will initiate a scene or play with direct eye contact. He will look straight at me and I will feel slightly embarrassed that he is doing so. This is not something that has been agreed as a formality, it is just something that we have slipped into but it reinforces the power exchange really well. He is firmly in control and he is already making me feel unsure of myself. The inspections he does will be like this too and during these he will usually look me in the eye as he speaks so it wouldn’t be a time that I would have my eyes closed. He will talk to me and kiss me and we will look at each other directly, even if being blindfolded is an instruction which is to come.
Because my natural default had been to have my eyes closed during sex and when masturbating, it was something that I just fell into. I have always opened my eyes at points of course and we would look at each other, lost in the feelings that were aroused by that directness during moments which were intimate. I know what my face looks like when I lose control. I can feel the expression. I also know what his face looks like when he is getting high on his control of me and becomes lost into feeding that need. It came as a surprise the first time he told me not to close my eyes. I don’t mean it was surprising that he did, but it was surprising the effect it had on me.
We had been playing for a while and I had already orgasmed a few times. We had reached the point which often comes where he is using my body for his own physical pleasure. I was pinned underneath him with my ankles around his neck and he said quite simply, “Look at me!” I look at him and was shocked what that did. The passion and the love and need that came from his eyes felt overwhelming. It felt too much to keep looking at them but he said again. “Look at me. Keep looking and don’t you dare close your eyes.”
I suppose then I became more aware of my own vulnerability. I felt overwhelmed by him physically and emotionally. He reminded me gruffly several times to keep my focus on him and this really heightened things for both of us. It would have been a mixture of the overt Dominance at that point in time, the vulnerability that it made me feel, and the connection that came from seeing what he was feeling through his eyes, but it made my body let go and I began to squirt out another orgasm. Coming from penetration is not something that I usually do as clitoral stimulation tends to work better but with the added eye contact it certainly did, and continued to change things.
Control of eye contact is something that we have also experimented with in a more formal way and it is part of the high protocol collar time that we use at points. This is a prescribed length of time where there are many more rules and things are much more heavily directed by HL. I suppose we would see it as more of a Master/slave style dynamic where eye contact could be something that was not allowed. I find this hard as I am so used to being able to look directly at him, but it does shift my mindset and allow me to enter a different sort of mental space.
Essentially, eye contact is something that is hot for us to play around with. It adds another layer when used as part of the power exchange as it can be quite exposing in a number of different ways. Although it is not something I had really thought a lot about, it is still a key part of making what we do work so well. I still completely reject the fictional ideas but recognise the role that control of eye contact can play if you tailor its use to suit what it is you are doing. It also means that I get to see HL’s hunger for me in his eyes and he gets to see mine. Let the magic unfold!
Please visit Kink of the Week to read what others are writing about eyes and eye contact this week.