christmas is coming - surviving the holidays

Christmas is coming – Surviving the holidays

christmasSurviving the Christmas holidays, in a submissive mindset, is tough. We were writing a post about it for The SafeworD/s Club which was meant to focus on top tips. And I realised that despite knowing the theory, see previous post with top tips, we are not always so good at the practice. There are a number of reasons why santa’s train becomes derailed, but being honest they are ones we know about and should be able to work around. So it got me to thinking, and writing, about why not. What goes wrong?

The christmas break comes on top of exhaustion for me and all I want to do is find a quiet corner and crawl in. This is not like me at all. I LOVE Christmas, or I used to when I had the time to be ready properly. So for me to survive it will take a lot of help, and I will need HL to manage me. Having a bit of time to myself is also good. When I feel burn out, I need a bit of space to adjust and find myself again. The festive period can be so focussed on others that I end up feeling lost. It is silly really as I usually end up doing all that work for others and then just wanting to hide away.

When I am stressed I try to take control. I try to be so super organised that I can manage my way out of things. This works to an extent. It means that things go fine and everyone enjoys them but I become somewhat adrift. This has been compounded by a couple of things. One is my work. Currently my job is so difficult that I am not sure how long I can continue with it. This is a pity as I LOVE my job and I believe in its value, but the workload has become unmanageable and this leads to me really struggling to keep on an even keel. I know that without HL I would not be able to do it, but because I have him and we have a structure that works, we are able to keep my head above water. Just.

I do use the after works, the weekends and the holidays to manage though. I don’t do very much during my times off and that means that I can just about manage. Well obviously we manage our family, see friends, run a website, write our blogs and walk our dog, but apart from that, we don’t seem to do much by other people’s standards. I used to judge my ability to cope by whether or not I had made a cake that day lol. I would be sadly failing by now if that was still my standard. 2 days since the last cake was baked and I took that to work for some pupils. Essentially. because this term is the busiest for me, I end up with not many resources left to draw on to do the sort of preparation that I would like to for Christmas.

The other thing that I find hard is the size of our family. Now again, this is strange. I LOVE my family and would do anything for any single one of them. I love having lots of them and am so proud when I see what amazing young people they are. We have worked hard at blending our families so that we have become one. They are brother and sister, regardless of which side of the parent line they fall. This is not something we have forced, but something that they have forged themselves and it is always wonderful to be able to spend some time with them all together.

I will admit though that it makes for a large group and the volume of food, as well as the noise level makes it a bit like a party every day. This is great if you have the energy for a never-ending party but if not, it can be a challenge. I am baking and cooking and shopping and cleaning the whole time. When one meal ends I am starting the prep for the next and so on, and so it can start to overwhelm me. I have a menu where everything is all planned out, but even so, I struggle after 4 or 5 days and can become a bit detached. I disappear amidst the louder, more fun people in a way that I don’t with the smaller group. I suppose I am not actually mum to them all and so I more easily become part of the background.

I understand that and am fine with it, but it makes it hard for me to feel big enough to want to do it all. Being a submissive in this sort of environment is actually quite tricky too. I am submissive to HL but I don’t want to be indirectly Dommed by anyone else. I suppose in a family of males there will be the alpha struggle, and the dynamic of the group means that this is not always as I would wish it to be. As everyone vies for a little power, I seem to be engulfed by the larger characters. I feel I am not seen or heard but it is probably more that my voice is not sought. I suppose in a sense I become incidental and my status is not what it is with the smaller group.

I have come to realise this year that I find the holidays stressful. There I have said it. I don’t want to be superwoman. I don’t want to do it all. I want a break. I want to have fun and tap into the inner parts of me that need to feel safe and relaxed to show.  I want to enjoy doing some of the things that I like doing and most of all, if I am going to be doing christmas I would like it to be the way that I want it to be. I don’t mean this post to be gloomy, I think that I am just in a period of adjustment and I will come out of the other side. Perhaps in my head I still expect our children to be children, when in reality we have 7 fledgling adults who are trying to find their wings around our dinner table.

Fortunately I can share all of this with HL and he will try to help. I know that he sees me and if my voice is heard through him then that will be enough. The one top tip I really have is to find time within the glitter and the wrapping and the mice pies to communicate properly. Not just a quick check in, but some questions which will mean you find answers to keep you moving forward together. If you are going to work as a team then you need to be thinking together and not falling into the trap of making assumptions and using guesswork. And who knows, when santa’s elves have finally finished the work of the day and creep off upstairs, there might even be time for some sexy kinky fun.

F4TFriday #78 – Bits & Bobs

Posted in Submissive Musings and tagged , , , , , .


  1. That was a fascinating personal perspective on what, for many of us (myself included for my own reasons), is a particularly daunting and draining (physically and emotionally) time of year.

  2. I think this is a fabulous post.

    MrH and I stopped “people pleasing” at Christmas a few years ago, when the boys left high school. At that point we said you’re not children so Christmas will be done how your dad and I want it. There won’t be mountains of food bought- it’s not necessary. There won’t be hours spent decorating the house, we find it annoying and messy. We won’t be visiting everyone because it’s expected either. Christmas will be relaxed and chilled! And now it is.

    You do have to – at some point – become a little selfish without feeling guilty.

    There’s nothing wrong with saying “I have things in the fridge go help yourself when you’re hungry. But I’m only doing one meal later” or something like that ??

  3. I understand the duality to want to do all that but also not be ruled by the people you’re doing it for. We try to not let other people’s expectations determine the flow during the holidays, but…we value experience and memories above things. And well, there are only so many opportunities to make the most and best memories. So that makes us want to make the most of family during the holidays. I say count the tension as one to be managed, not solved, and be glad there is so much to life. Some are less fortunate.

  4. I hope you can do more than survive, and carve out the space and time for you and your voice amongst all the chatter. I imagine HL creating an invisible shield around you so you can let them get on with it, just not at your own expense.

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