The Things We Do or This Thing We Do

TTWDAccording to the urban dictionary, ‘TTWD’ or ‘This Thing We Do’ is “Commonly used in the S&M/spanking community to refer to those activities.” Actually I think a clearer definition would be to say that within the BDSM community, TTWD refers to the activities we practice. For us, that would be essentially living a D/s lifestyle. Although this covers more than just the bedroom or sexual things we do, having a power exchange dynamic as a key part or our lifestyle means that there can often be a sexual charge around some of the other aspects of the relationship. This is part of the beauty really in that everyday, non-sexual things, can suddenly become much more pleasurable and motivational due to the meaning that is layered through them.

For us, sexual intercourse is definitely not the predominant activity, in fact, often it appears more an incidental outcome. Admittedly, most of our play will end up this way, but it will not be the focus. So what is the focus? It is the connection between us. This may also be the case in many other forms of relationship so I don’t pretend this is something exclusive to D/s, but it has led to a shift in the way that we think and experience these intimate times together. It has certainly meant a shift in thinking for HisLordship as his approach is much more planned than it ever would have been before. For me, it has meant that it has shifted from being something essentially physical, to something which is more about the way I think and feel.

One part of living in this sort of dynamic is that I feel a bit like a pot on simmer all of the time. There is not always a clear line as to where sex starts and where it ends, because it isn’t actually about the sex itself. Living in a power exchange dynamic means that the Dominance and submission is there to an extent all the time. This can be in an active way, and also in a more passive way but whatever the way, if it turns you on then you are turned on. It is a winning recipe in that sense really. This doesn’t mean that things are all about the sex, we are definitely on simmer and not on boil, but it means that it is never far away. This has been a big thing really for me really as where sex is concerned, the more I get the more I want so never being far from that next move means that we both feel more satisfied in that sense.

HL being Dominant with me is sexy as hell so that is one of the things we do. In a vanilla relationship I would feel attracted to someone and I would feel horny but that came from me I guess. What really turns me on is being ‘made’ to want someone. It is being made to need them, to be craving their touch with all you are, to have your very thoughts and desires aroused by them. HL being able to control and manage my responses, especially in a sexual sense adds something to the exchange that is hard to describe. Having kept me on simmer for however long, he is able to turn up the heat with just a word, or a look or a touch. That is not about the sex, it is about his ability to control me, to engage my mind and my body and to own me.

So really for me, it is less about what we do and more about how we do it that makes it work. It flips life on its head in a sense as suddenly things which were never sexual can become a key part of foreplay. Acts of service, acts of humiliation. Being hurt, exposed, teased or objectified. Feeling adored, desirable, needy and sexy. Having a clear structure and symbolic acts which form part of it means that much more of what you do has a purpose and a meaning. You do it for each other and that gives it value. Sex becomes part of that but the intercourse becomes much less of a part than the emotional exchange which passes between you. It moves from being a physical response to one which is far more emotional, mental and spiritual.

Ultimately for us, the power exchange is at the heart. The predominant acts are the Domination and the submission but other things will form part of that. Spanking, impact, use of sensation, sensory deprivation, bondage, restraint, orgasm control, anal, oral, roleplay, CNC, humiliation, primal play, inspections, needle and medical play. I am sure that there are other things I have left out as we enjoy a variety of different things and like to explore and experiment, but at the end of the day, it all comes back to the D/s as that what gives it the edge for us. You see! Edge play; there was something I had been missed out. Part of the fun is that the list is pretty exhaustive. Not only are there things left out, there are also things not yet tried, things not even thought about or known about and they are the things that we do.

F4TFriday #77 – The Things We Do

Posted in Play, Scenes and Kink and tagged , , , .


  1. I first saw TTWD on Domestic Discipline sites/blogs. I’ve always associated it with the relationship and power exchange aspect. This Thing We Do… in our relationship that is different than most we know. This Thing We Do… that brings better communication, a closer connection, and harmony to us. Spanking was typically utilized as a tool either as punishment or erotic play to enhance the bonding but there was…is so much more to it.

    I love how you’ve expanded “TTWD” beyond spanking in this post to show how all those things you do – play, serve, dominate & submit – help to enrich your relationship and increase “the emotional exchange which passes between you”. Beautiful said.

    • Thanks Beth. I did wonder if the origination was from DD as the definition mentioned spanking specifically. I love what you have said about your dynamic. Thank you ?

  2. Exactly!! This is so well said. As a sub, my favorite part is how the simplest things take on a greater meaning and become sexually charged. Before we got in touch with our D/s selves, I was lazier when it came to housework type of things. But now I enjoy doing the simplest tasks or even cleaning things because it makes me feel owned by My Queen. We’re still working on adding variety to the play list. We’ll take some ideas from yours!

  3. Very true …. TTWD is much more than the kink or the sexy stuff …. but then it’s also part of it… one big circle. But I totally get the more you get the more you want…. totally…. completely…. ❤️

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