….we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.Louis de Bernières
In my post, Roots, I wrote about the impact that change and loss had on our relationship and in particular, the way that it impacted on our dynamic. The post was written back in January of 2017 so well over a year and a half ago now. Wow. What I thought when I wrote then would be a temporary change turned out to become a way of life for us really. That is not to say that I don’t still hope sometimes that things ‘will get back to normal,’ but as with many changes I have had to accept that probably this is my new normal.
That isn’t an issue in itself as I believe as people we can be adaptable to change, even when the changes are forced upon us or aren’t changes which are favourable. Being resistant to accepting your circumstances and not being able to work with what you have (even if that means that you are working to change things again) is where it can fall apart. And within a relationship, if you aren’t on the same page with regard to your acceptance and any subsequent plans for where you go next, it can lead to issues.
I suppose that is why I wanted to revisit the idea of roots which grow together over the years, as for us, the challenges have allowed us to do that as much as if they had been things that we had chosen. Admittedly there has been frustration at the things we feel we have lost but also there has been the building things together of things that we can do and that will work. We have looked again at how we can make the most of things and by doing that together, we have created something which is still our own, even if a little different to how it used to be.
It can be tiring when it feels like bad luck keeps blowing your way and it is hard not to get into that mindset where you almost come to expect it, but as long as you don’t stop planning then you can usually find something that will work for you. I have always looked at people who face adversity or loss and wonder where they find the motivation to keep fighting even when it seems to be against the odds. I have the greatest admiration for them and find it incredibly inspiring to hear stories of those who have bounced back even stronger through their determination to carry on.
Perhaps I have been able to use that to put our own situation into perspective and to keep hold of the fact that what we have is each other. That is ultimately what is important to us and to focus on that has allowed us to keep growing together. To use the analogy above, we are left with a tree which looks different than it did in some ways, but in others it is richer and stronger. We are at the point now where we can take our attention back off the roots which seem to be so firmly entwined together and enjoy again the blossoms which are starting to come through.
Life is strange in the things it deals you and I try not to go down a route of thinking too hard about why things end up being. As I get older, I am much more content to slow down and breathe and enjoy what is going on around about me and the same is true of our relationship. Although it is exciting and passionate and intense, it is also relaxed and natural and stable. Nothing too much seems to phase it if we keep each other as the focus and allow the stuff of life to revolve around us.