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Missy’s SoSS #3

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It has been a while since I wrote a #SoSS post. I feel bad that I haven’t been able to read as much or post as much as I usually would, but a bad night’s sleep has at least given me the chance to get caught up a bit. I do want to continue with this project as I think it is so important to be able to share our voices and be seen and heard, even if only by other like-minded people. Posting every week is unrealistic for me but I will try to share other sites and posts whenever I can.

Last week’s Topic chat at The SafeworD/s Club was about the things which had moved from the ‘no’ list to the ‘maybe’ or the ‘definitely’. One of the Doms explained that impact play was one of the things where this had happened for him and his sub. He felt that they were making progress but he was still concerned about ‘hurting’ his wife. It seemed to be a common thread that more impact was often something that the subs wanted and that the Doms found this difficult initially, due to the way that we are conditioned to think. It is safe to say that within the confines of a D/s relationship there is room to explore this and it is something that many of us come to find as a way of freeing us, not just from the restrictions that conditioning plays, but also from lots of the other thoughts that would work to limit what we choose to do.

In A Beautiful Violence, Wriggly Kitty explores this idea in a piece which is sensitive and evocative at the same time. She writes about the fact that pain is release but also that social conditioning makes it hard sometimes. “Violence perhaps isn’t the right word for what we did. Yes it was violent, but violence reeks of uncontrolled rage, anger, revenge, cruelty. And that’s the cultural narrative. But it doesn’t have to be… at no point whilst I was being hit did I feel my play partner was out of control. He might have wanted to go harder, push me faster, I don’t know. The point is, he didn’t.”

Another new blogger who writes about how impact works for her is my good friend Kisingura. “There are only two places I feel absolute peace, the kind that is soul deep, nourishing and centering. Spaces where long held sighs can finally flow and escape.” While she is only just starting out (5 wonderful posts so far) her writing beautiful and she talks openly about some topics which are difficult to share so I would really recommend checking out her blog My Controlled Ascent.

I read another great post this week which deals with the who topic of BDSM as being something perverted and wrong was, WHO drops the diseases of BDSM, fetishism and transvestism off the sick list – part 2. Clearly the second post on this topic, it provides a really interesting insight into how the things we do ended up being classified as in this way in the first place. “Freud believed a lot of fairly odd things about bdsm, but one of the most dangerous things he wrote was that “masochists” seek to avoid pleasure, and since all life seeks pleasure, then “masochists” must be in the service of some sort of death force.”

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  1. Thank you for the heads up missy. Will make my way to kisungura’s interesting to read her take on the subject ?

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