Vulnerability, Voyeurism and Value

VA to Z Challenge – V

My first for the Vs is VULNERABILITY. I would definitely link this to safety as the two go together: I need to feel safe to show my vulnerability but showing my vulnerability leads to me feeling safer. Making yourself vulnerable can be quite uncomfortable at times but it is a necessary part of what we do. Without exposing yourself like that, you won’t be able to reach the same level of growth and build the same level of intimacy and closeness between you. In the post Vulnerability I look at what it has meant for me.

My second V is for VOYEURISM. This is something we had a chat about one week at The SafeworD/s Club as it seems to play a part in many of the dynamics. For us, it is more something that HisLordship likes. He likes to watch and also has fantasies of people watching us play. He likes to take pictures and make videos and to play them back at various points. Being watched by other people is something that I have thought about but for me it is less visual and becomes more about what they think than what they see. It forms part of my desire for humiliation I think and therefore, I am more into the exposure that comes from the fact that he would like to exhibit me in a voyeuristic setting, than I am into the voyeurism itself. I have been thinking about exhibitionism and exposure a lot recently and it is something that is in the pipeline as a post in its own right.

VALUES are important in any relationship and often I think that most of your values have to align in order for things to run smoothly. We have found this to be the case especially when thinking about rules. If something isn’t important to HL then he doesn’t always remember to follow up on it. In the beginning I suggested things that we might use as rules and rituals but in actual fact, they have only really worked well where they have come from him, or at least fit with his values. I think that often our expectations come from what we value too and we have been able to build a strong foundation within which we are safe to explore because our values are aligned with one another and with what we hope to achieve.

I hope that you have valued reading my letter V.  Check tomorrow for the letter W and to see the rest of my A-Z, click here: A to Z Challenge.

Posted in A to Z Challenge 2018, Projects and tagged , , , , .


  1. Vulnerability and values are definitely key factors. The way a person was raised and the negative experiences from the past really come to the foreground when opening up in a D/s relationship. That’s just another reason why communication is so important for each couple when establishing their short, medium, and long-range goals. Good post, as always, Missy. — AJT

  2. your points on Values ring true for us, in a non D/s relationship! I can see how it splits to ‘voyeurism’ from him and exhibitionism/humiliation in your relationship too – great post.

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