Limits, Labels and Life

A to Z - LA to Z Challenge – L

For the letter L I wanted to start with LIMITS. I think that it is important when starting out that you focus on Setting Limits especially for play. If you are like us and already in a loving relationship with your partner you will likely know each other very well, but there are probably still things that you haven’t discussed or had to mention. Apart from anything, we found it quite a turn on to talk about some of the things on the list and to think about maybe doing some of it. It is something we have gone back to at points as what we wanted to try has changed and we have become more open and interested in things we first thought would be a no. Having said that, I do feel that I have sometimes used limits to stop myself from being pushed places that I might actually want to go. I have come to see that my own anxiety has got the better of me and that I have hidden behind some of these limits a bit. Now that we have got past the initial stage I think that we know each other well enough to manage without the formal agreeing of limits and without the need to safeword out of something. I realise that this depends a lot on the couple and that it will seem controversial to some, but I plan to write more about this soon.

My second L is LABELS and I explain my mixed feelings about Labels here. I see that they are a necessary part of what we do and who we are, but can also become a rod for your back so I have tried to exercise caution. When setting up The The SafeworD/s Club some members had suggested more options to tick, a bit like a fetlife profile, but I have always found labels to box me in a bit. I like to think of people as people and to find out more about who they are and what they enjoy. I want to be able to hear about things and try them without feeling like I have to be a certain way in order to fit in and am a great believer in taking the parts of things that work for you and making them your own. I am lucky that I have found lots of other people with similar, but also different interests, who are happy just to get along without the need to attach names to what they do or put people into different boxes, and so I feel very lucky.

LIFE may seem like an odd last choice for the letter L but as we see our D/s as a lifestyle, it seemed to be relevant here. I write a lot about what happens When real life interferes with your D/s and there are numerous posts which deal with the ups and downs. Our aim is always to keep each other at the centre of our lives and to allow the other things that we care about to revolve around us so that we take charge of those together rather than independently. We see things not as happening to him or to me, but as happening to us and this approach has worked well for us to date. Having said that, it is not always easy and we have learnt that we need to be very flexible in order to accommodate the different pulls and draws or our time and resources. I always wanted a relationship where I could deal with whatever happened at the time, but at the end of the day retreat behind a closed door where I could be myself and let go, and this is what happens now. That time, whether it is spent talking, playing or snuggling together allows me to be stronger and return to face the next day.

I hope that you have loved read my letter L.  Check tomorrow for the letter M and to see the rest of my A-Z, click here: A to Z Challenge.

Posted in A to Z Challenge 2018, Projects and tagged , , , , .


  1. Lovely! I Love how you promote Listening and communication in your blog, as well as encouraging people to recognise their journey is individual and that they shouldn’t feel the need to fit into constructed boxes.

    • Thank you. I think I had to learn the hard way. Seems obvious really but I was caught up in being what I thought I was meant to be ?

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