A to Z Challenge – I
I have often said that being in a D/s relationship has allowed me to have the INTIMACY and the INTENSITY that I always wanted but never thought I would find. I always felt too much for someone before and, although they seemed to want to all at the start that would fade. I felt that I had more to give and wanted to give everything, but it would seem too much and people didn’t want to be that involved. They didn’t want to be inside my head and didn’t really want me inside theirs. Until this, of course. This is about being open and honest and sharing what is in your head and so that leads to something which is quite intense.
I know that sometimes intense can seem like a negative but I do not mean it in that sense. It is about a feeling of completeness, of safety, of being home. It is about the intensity of the connection between us really I think, and that is something which is hard to explain. I can see it in others sometimes – that thing that they have which you can’t quite put your finger on. I think that you become highly attuned to each other and sort of exist in a togetherness, whilst at the same time retaining your individuality. It is something that I write about a lot but not in isolation and is kind of permeates and exists because of everything else but these posts, No. 6 – missing you, Sonnet xvii and The Fire. might convey the sort of feeling I mean.
Intimacy is also something that has grown out of the closeness of our relationship. I have had previous relationships where sometimes we were more intimate than others, but nothing on this sort of scale. The vulnerability that you have to show, the openness that is required leads to a relationship where there is really nothing (or very little, at least) which is off limits. This means that there is no-where to hide and that you become highly exposed and visible to the other person and I think that probably this happens whether you are in a submissive or a Dominant role. It is about it being a lifestyle which requires complete honesty about your needs, your feelings, your thoughts and your desires, and this leads to a level of trust where you can explore things which are much more intimate than you might have been able to otherwise.
Last but not least, IMPACT. I don’t know many people who don’t enjoy impact play on some level. Clearly there are masochists for whom it plays a much greater part but many seem to enjoy an erotic spanking at the very least. I am not a masochist, although I do like impact play. I think I have a pretty high threshold and enjoy seeing the marks afterwards but there are other types of play I enjoy equally as well and it does work better for me to have some pleasure with my pain, rather than the pain alone being the trigger. We love spanking, but tend to use the cane more, just because it is quieter. I know that some I have spoken are afraid of the cane, and I think I was too, but the way that we use it tends to make it into something more therapeutic and calming than I had expected. The Tap of HisLordship’s Cane gives a bit more detail about this and I also wanted to include my post about Impact Orgasms.
I hope that my letter I has interested you. Check tomorrow for the letter J and click here to see the rest of my A-Z, click here: A to Z Challenge.
I don’t enjoy impact play—punishment using spanking. I enjoy the idea of it but not the actual act. Still I see it as necessary to our whole FLR thing.
I enjoy it up to a point but it’s all erotic rather than punishment. It’s designed to feel good not bad so I get where you are coming from ?
Interesting, intellectual and insightful ??
Incompletely understand what you mean. The intensity of the connection that forms between you as you build the D/s dynamic is overwhelming at times. But the intimately that it brings … I’m loving it…. 9 months in and MrH is still my drug of choice, I can’t get enough of him.
That is a great way of putting it – the drug of choice ?
Love the intensity and the intimacy of D/s!!! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Thanks Nora ?. Those are the two things that I could never give up. The kink is great but it’s the connection that I thrive on.
I understand impact very well…
Intimacy is something that I struggle with which is why “sex for Sex” sakes works for me and my man…
“Inside my head” – resonates so much for me- 20 odd years ago I met my man and walked – I remember a conversation in a pub where I turned to him and said, “why are you always trying to get inside my head?” – now I know the answer to that question – cause that’s where he is meant to be 😉
Nice post Missy;-) x
I guess we are all different and I think the trust has helped me so much. I imagine that your man is pushing your boundaries little by little whilst making sure he doesn’t push too far. I think emotional limits are much more complex than physical ones too. ?