Expectations, Exposure and Endorphins

A to Z - EA to Z Challenge – E

E was a little bit harder and I didn’t have to whittle my selection of things that I wanted to write about down as much. I don’t think that EXPECTATIONS are a D/s related thing as such. More they area a relationship related thing but none-the-less they are something that I have thought and written about before. A large part of this will be to do with the fact that at the beginning I was trying to turn a kind of fantasy idea in my head based on what I had read, into something that would work for us in real life and this led to me examining my Expectations and trying to keep them under control.

EXPOSURE is something that you need to be prepared for if you decide to take on a submissive role. You have to be open and honest about what you think and what you feel, and that can be very exposing. From this sort of exposure comes huge growth so it is a good thing as far as I am concerned but it is also something that can make you feel a bit uncomfortable as your boundaries are pushed and those parts that you usually keep hidden away for yourself are suddenly exposed. These two posts, Exposure and Exposed Photos? are two occasions when I struggled a bit.

When I wrote about drop in my letter D post, I mentioned the endorphin highs that can come from extended periods of play, especially impact play. The ENDORPHINS produced, like any drug, can be quite additive and leave you craving more. When I first heard about subspace people spoke about flying. They seemed to leave themselves behind and travel over mountains in an ecstatic state. I waited for this to happen, but for me it was never like that. I haven’t seen mountains and I never really felt like I was flying. When we use impact then I get into a really relaxed state but I am likely to reach subspace more from a forced orgasm scene than I will from pain alone. It seems that pleasure is my thing! The posts Three Hours and Hot Stuff give a bit of an idea of what it feels like for me – no mountains I am afraid but a pretty good time all the same!

I hope that the letter E has been an enjoyable read. Check tomorrow for the letter F and to see the rest of my A-Z, click here: A to Z Challenge


Posted in A to Z Challenge 2018, Projects and tagged , , , , .


  1. So I have some opinions about subspace (which you are welcome to read here, if you feel so inclined: http://mrsfever.com/2017/11/30/subspace-dominant-perspective/ ), and that whole flying-over-mountains and soaring-like-an-eagle thing is just…
    {If it’s your thing, that’s cool. I just don’t think it’s right or fair that it’s touted as a be-all/end-all when it’s anything but.}
    Expectations, though, while definitely a relationship thing are also very much a D/s thing. Because it’s really important that the players involved not only {a} be clear about their expectations (of a partner, a scene, etc.), but {b} be able to parse fantasy from fiction in managing expectations.

    • Thank you for your comment. I really enjoyed reading your post about subspace and also Cara’s one. I have also been told that I ‘mustn’t be doing it right’ and that ‘maybe we need more impact’. This annoys me as impact pushes me into a relaxed space but not an endorphin high as such. It doesn’t feel high it feels floppy. The other thing is that to cope with pain I go into myself to manage it which is counter-productive to being and feeling close to the other person. It sends me somewhere where I am zoned out but there isn’t a connection to my partner. We don’t tend to play so hard that this happens as he will usually use impact in a different way but on the odd occasion it has gone further my response is more like it was during childbirth or times of other intense pain. I can feel and hear but can’t speak and zone out from the world and separate my head from what I am feeling. This isn’t a place I want to be for fun as it is about surviving and coping with something for me. It feels almost like I don’t like what is happening to my body so I am off – no mountains or lakes though.
      Pleasure will push me past what I can manage but in a different way where I am more connected to him so that is better for me. Still no hills and streams but I feel warm and happy and can laugh madly while my body responds in a way that I have no control over. I guess I feel that I control my own response to pain and I don’t let go in the same way. Thank you for making me think more about it and it has been good to see what others feel. I totally agree that there are some unhelpful thought processes and opinions out there and it is always good to de-mystify this a bit for those who feel, or have been told, that they are failing to do what others can. ?

  2. I’ve hit subspace several times, and have even gone ‘beyond ‘ it ( apparently that is a thing). But I have never felt like I was flying. I have felt / seen a burst of white after what seems like a pinpoint focus. After words I feel a childlike wonderment and feel like I want to climb into my husband’s skin…but no soaring over mountains. I do love the after effects, but not the right away of freezing and feeling like my head is not connected to my body, nor the inability to speak. I am just not a fan of what it takes to get there. Worse is when I feeling it coming on and B stops . Anyway the drop, which usually happens the next day for me if it is going to happen can be awful. I had it last once for 5 days, where my emotions flatlined. So no it isn’t the end all and be all for everyone. And honestly should be taken very seriously because the first time it happened I had no clue . The first time I dropped I had no clue .They were ‘accidents.

    Like anything I believe, subspace is very personal and should be treated as such.


    • That is really helpful and echoes a lot of what I have felt myself. I have come to realise since writing the post that I will never get what I need from pain alone so really I was trying the wrong sort of things. For me it is much more about the way my head feels and the connection I get with HL so yeah, still no flying and soaring over mountains!

      I am pretty sure I have never been ‘beyond’. What happens there? ?

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.