When I heard about this orgasm project I was keen to take part. It was the mental health/wellbeing thing that got me really as it is always an issue that has my support; anything that can improve or highlight things so that the stigma falls away the better. And what could be better than lots of people orgasming to happiness? I know it works. Years and years (and lots more years) of an unhappy marriage saw me masturbating every day just to keep sane, just to keep well, just to keep a little part of me safe from being swallowed up with the rest into the pit that was taking me. That was the little bit that was seen and saved in the end and she has grown because of that, so it seemed like good idea that I did this. That and the fact that I met Tabitha and she was really nice. Also I guess being part of the gang.
My relationship with orgasms has changed over the course of our D/s. Without thinking I said I’d like to try to take part but would need to ask permission. My orgasms are his. Not that he really took them. I gave them willingly but the result is the same. I don’t think about having an orgasm now as I tend not to do it in isolation. I suppose my orgasms have become subsumed into the play and scenes that we do. They have become part of my submission, his control, the power exchange. If I ever want one I can ask and I am fairy sure he would say yes. Certainly if I have ever asked, that has happened. For some reason using my laser hair remover seems to turn me on – must be the heat on my bits -so occasionally I have asked which usually ends more in sex than it does in masturbation so maybe that proves my point. I suppose, in addition, I am satisfied. I have the level of sex I want; add to that the fact that I have made the psychological shift to seeing my body as his so I think less about it and it’s needs. He takes care of its needs for me and sort of stirs the need in me.
So anyway he said yes. Yay. And here I am. He said that he would let me know about which orgasms would be part of play and I could do some on my own. This was a weird feeling. I haven’t wanted to do them on my own for a long time but hey there was the whole part of the group thing and it would be interesting to see how that went. Would I need to fantasise, would I be able to make it just about the physical? Would it get harder or easier as the days went by? Would I need to use other toys now? Visions of requiring more and more to get-off flitted around my head and I mentally put the nipple clamps and anal toys back in the cupboard. So I took it on not just as a project with friends and an experiment with my mood, but also as a reflective tool I guess. How very like me!
As this is to be a project in parts, I guess to summarise I have three main considerations:
1. Would it help my Headaches?
2. Would it change my view of my body as being his?
3. Could I still have a ‘vanilla orgasm’?
My other consideration was how to present my results. A post every day wasn’t something I thought I could do as I didn’t seem myself having enough to write about, and although my ‘Story of the O’ orgasm posts are of the most widely viewed on my site, I didn’t think anyone would want to read about what I was up to in that department each day. There I go with my negative self-image again – more orgasms for the girl blogging herself down please. We need a boost over here. So I knew what I didn’t want but not what I did so I did my usual and left it to mull over and process.
It actually came to me today – Day 3. I wanted to record each one (not literally of course – that is the brain child of HisLordship) but not in a factual way, not in a long post, not in a table. 30 days dripped through my brain and my passion for consistency, control and neat tidy obsessive organisation led me to 30 words. 30 words for 30 days and hopefully more than 30 orgasms. Actually the word limit thing was something that I wanted to try a while back. I learnt from my dear friend and long time supporter, Lurv Spanking , about the drabble. I tried it. It was hard! But he is a master so I left it to him and enjoyed his drabbles from a distance. So technically speaking I am not sure if this is a drabble or not (technically it is meant to be a work of fiction about 100 words long) but I am sure LS will let me know. Regardless, I liked the thought of 30 drabbles of orgasms finding their way onto WordPress and Twitter so I made my mind up.
For some reason I am now thinking about dribbles as well as drabbles and the whole thing could get complicated so I am going to go with 30 days of 30 words for my (hopefully more than) 30 orgasms. Interestingly enough when if you google ‘drabble’ archaic meaning of the verb to drabble is ‘to make or become wet and dirty by movement into or through muddy water’. I am not sure about the muddy water part but the rest sounds about right so I have my plan!
I will ‘release’ my orgasms as and when it seems fitting but will make sure to enclose the whole 900 word piece as part of my 30 Day Orgasm Fun roundup at the end of the project. So here goes for the first two:
Energy. Excitement. Part of something. Concentrate. The phone. The recording. Oh God. I’m getting there. The Phone beside my head. I’m laughing. I’m coming and laughing and coming and laughing.
Him or me? Me. No him. Use that. Try this? Better with this. And…….relax. Here it comes. (Should we have used that?) No – this is it. Tipping over …………….. YES!